A WoRLd of My OwN

A Good Start - 2012

2012-01-01T22:04:00.003+08:00

taken during Christmas

The Eve of the New Year wasn't what I expected. I was busy running around. Supposedly there was 4 stops that night, but ended up only 3 stops and luckily i stayed at the 3rd stop. the Wine plus companion plus the fun = hangover the next day and it felt like i was floating the whole day.

2011 was good to me. The things that were significant to me, were uncountable. It's really by God's grace and His blessings I am where I am today. I kinda miss 2011 and didn't want to let it go but gotta bid goodbye to welcome 2012. Knowing 2012 would be a better one, far better, greater, the next level.

So, to start off the year, right after the clock strike 12am, I was splashed with water by the lady hosts of the party and shoved with alcohol by the hosts. And I did something really funny and stupid. I hope it's a start to a new year.

"Every part of the world celebrates as the clock strike 12am at their continent. God look down and celebrate together. Declare the presence of God in your life in the next one year, be there in every step of your life, in every decisions you make, may it glorifies the Lord. May this be my prayer! Happy New Year 2012!" - Facebook Status

Cheers to 2012.

Runaway

2011-12-28T19:48:00.003+08:00

yea, easier said than done. I don't have the courage to face it. I don't know how to face it. The brain says one thing but the heart says another. Instead of facing it, what I know best, is runaway. Although I've said, I have your back. But, to be honest, I really don't know how to have your back. And "I will always be there" seems to be taken for granted sometimes.

So, what I know best, is run a w a y . . . . .

Believing and Supporting

2011-12-11T00:09:00.003+08:00

Few weeks back I've been thinking, what if you're thrown into a situation where it requires you to support even though you don't believe in it.

Months ago, in the midst of busyness with work over the weekend, I allocated the afternoon of the weekend to help gf's sister. She wanted to join a dance competition and in order to join, they need to send in a cover, a video of them introducing themselves and submit together a video of their dance. So, gf actually went around with her sister and the friends to do the cover for the DVD and later on I join them for the recording of the dance.

The dance, at the park, under the hot sun, to avoid crowd, was, hot, sweaty, and hot. GF trusted me so much with my skills, so I was there to record and all, together with them under the hot sun. Yea, and when we were taking a break, gf said to me, "so much so being supportive yea." Knowing they will compete with other countries as well, knowing it would be really competitive as dances all around asian countries would be submitting their dvds, knowing that their dance do not really stand out, knowing the camera lady sucks as well, knowing there would be not canggih editing and cropping and cutting and etc, they still took their time in preparing for their dance including what to wear and what song to pick to dance and practice the dance. seriously so much effort but they enjoy it. Well, knowing it would be one out of a million, what are we doing there?

I am not sure how would I react or how I am going to handle if my kids wanted to do something which I think it is quite impossible. Knowing the outcome would not be as idealistic as they actually think, knowing the outcome would be one in a million. I assured my gf, that it's not about the outcome, but it's about believing in them, giving them the confidence and assurance that they need as part of growing up, giving them the acceptance that one day, they will succeed as long as they don't give up. Well, said is easier than done.

Today, my gf asked me for my blessings. For something I don't believe in. For something I don't have confident in allowing her. I said "Sorry, I can't give you that blessings. I hope you understand..."

Really, easier said than done. Supporting them even though you don't believe in them. At last I understand how it felt like when parents don't agree with what I am doing or wanted to do. I don't get the support either for doing what they do not agree. But one thing which I am different from them is, I still have my gf's back. I'm not going to point finger and shout "i've told you so". But i told her, I have her back and i will always be there, whenever she needs me.

Still..... it's so hard to support even though you don't believe in it. Still, no blessings from me.

The Hope

2011-12-05T23:12:00.003+08:00

Each day I wake up feeling good about the day, telling myself, today will be a good day, better than yesterday. But as the day turns night, things seem to turn upside down, and all I can hold on to, is, tomorrow will be a better day.

Life has been a roller coaster and I couldn't recall any period where it's pleasant and quiet. As if the quiet sea is awaiting for the storm to come and during the storm, I just wish that the sea calms down. But what is life if it's not for the ups and downs.

The only hope that I have, for He holds tomorrow, the same as yesterday, today and forever.

Just stop and look around

2011-10-06T18:11:00.006+08:00

It's almost a year since I moved back and started working. Which means I'm coming to the end of my chambering period, very soon. It's been a great one year, having to be back with family and get to know a bunch of friends whom slowly become my pillar of support here.

One of my pillar, i get to know since beginning of the year, is a friend whom younger than me by almost a decade. Since I've started working, since i came back here, i guess life for me has been kinda suck. And being in a sucky situation, makes me soaked in a bad environment so much that things become so dull or just restless. You can say, I lost the glow on my face. But this friend, has another perception of life, an appreciation towards life and it reminds

me of whom I used to be when i was in her age. Everything seems so new and excited for her.

I guess, as bad as it is, that I'm so overwhelmed with things going on in my life, i need to stop, and look around. To appreciate what has been coming along and together. To hold what has been waiting for me. To appreciate the creation of God.

Passed by this place all the time at town and always appreciate the view from the car.

Went down the car, crossed the street to this place and took some picture the other day.

Till then, God Bless!

It’s not that you’re not good enough!

2011-09-26T00:11:00.001+08:00

When it seems like your talent is not appreciated, when it seems like you are not given a chance, when it seems like you are invisible and people can’t see you, when it seems like you are always the back up or the substitute and never given a chance to be at the front line, do not give up. Do not be despair. For it is not that you are not good enough. For it is not others are better than you. For it is not that you do not worth or not up to that position.

当你觉得你的恩赐不被人赞赏，当你觉得每次机会都轮不到你，当你觉得别人都看不到你，当你觉得好像备份或者替代，没有机会在前线，不要放弃。不要绝望。不是你不够好也不是别人比你好。

You could start questioning why aren’t you given a chance or why is it so unfair that you work so hard but was never appreciated. You could start holding grudges on people and keep thinking how unfair you have been treated. Or you could give yourself a thousand reasons to make yourself better, but at times, most of the reasons happen to be negative on others to make ourselves feel better.

你可以问很多的问号，为什么你没有机会，为什么那么不公平，为什么自己努力了没有人赞赏，在很多的为什么再问为什么。你也可以对人有积怨，想着你怎样不公平的被人对待。或者你可以给自己一千个理由让你自己好过，但是通常那些理由都是说了别人怎样不好来安慰自己。

Or you could go one step further, not wanting to be stuck in that position but go forward and be better. Do not stop doing whatever you are doing just cause’ people around you do not appreciate you. Whatever position you are in, continue to work hard and be better. It’s God’s given talent/gift so do not give up on yourself, for God is preparing something for you, something better, something greater than you can think of. So, do not be disappointed and give up easily. For when the time is here, when you are given the opportunity, when the chance is here, you are more than prepared, to lead, to serve, to be on the front line, to take the lead and go forward. Just be prepared!

或者你可以走前一步，不要停留在同一个地方，但是走前进，做更加好。不要因为没人赞赏而把你所做的都停留不做。不管你在什么，继续努力做的更好。那是神所给的恩赐所以你不能放弃，因神在预备更好的给你，比你想象中更要好。所以你不能失望也不能放弃。当那个时刻到了，当你的机会到了，你已经比别人更加准备好了，来事奉，来带领，在前线带领向前走。所以，你要准备！

(thanks to google translate!)

The Colleague

2011-06-17T09:11:00.006+08:00

There is one person ("A") in the office, that I don't know how to handle or deal with. Therefore I choose to keep a distant from this person. It is hard, to NOT talk to people, or return a smile or exchange some conversation while you're in the pantry with this other person, or you happen to stand at the fax or photocopier machine together. It is just hard... It is just hard to be cool and iced. I only manage a nod, or a half smile, or a very stern "morning" greetings. Now you ask me why I am acting like this...

Among all the things I could write about A, among all the annoying things that A did, among all the greedy things that A did, and all the selfish acts of A, which if there is such award for the most kepoh chi clerk in your office, we would be more than willing to compile a short story just to support A to win such award, but, just the story of A with mugs. Yes, mugs....

Story #1

B brought new mug to office. A saw and went “aww.. so pretty” and all. The next day morning as usual, B went to make coffee but couldn’t find the new mug. So B used some other mug. After that, B saw A holding B’s new mug with coffee. A says, “there is no clean cups available so I used yours” while smiling cheekily. =.=

Story #2

C brought new mug to office. A plain cup. A went “oh… so pretty….. where did u get that??” A asked if C has some more at home. Asked to give A one.

Story #3

After hearing the first two incidents, I decided to take my mug back to my room. Because I was asked to go meeting asap, I left the mug outside meeting room, in between the boxes and files. A saw it. A asked my other colleague, whose cup is that!

It was said that if you smile at people every day without them returning a smile, they will one day. Of course, this comes in with a hope that every day is a new day, and a hope that tomorrow people will smile back at you.

Of course, it’s not just about mugs. It’s about a lot of things that I kinda forgot about the details. But, instead of learning to say no to A, I decided to make a distant from A. I am sure A is doing that charm on me, the smile charm, at least, that is what i think now. Cause whenever A has chance, A would try to talk to me. Or be around me whoever I’m talking to.

Random

2011-06-14T21:18:00.004+08:00

Because I'm still working in office and

Because I haven't had my dinner yet.

A supporter came to say hi in the midst of me working.

It's only 2nd of June!

2011-06-02T13:01:00.002+08:00

Me, I left only a RM500 to survive till the next pay check...

Friend, 500 bucks left, meaning average 100 per week. No outing for you till next month. Let's eat roti this month.

Friend, anyways, u can still count on me if you're broke.

Me, I want to sell blood already. U eat roti already now. how to count on you.

Friend, I share mine with you. Can keep fit at the same time.

awwww.....

Not that we're big spender, just that we earn little at the moment. As chambering student. Considering working part-time at Starbucks or something, but we always have to work till late night.

On the other hand, I forgot that i'm tight and I've just ordered MacD delivery with my colleague. And then boss decided to treat us KFC. So, MacD meal and KFC Snack plate waiting for me. hmmm....

back to work!

Duty Counsel

2011-05-27T00:17:00.002+08:00

As part of the requirement before graduating at a qualified lawyer with license to practice, one of the many requirements is Duty Counsel. Unlike Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah Bar has only one type of duty, which is the Duty Counsel. We have to do 12 times duty counsel, going into the lock-up, do some interview with the accused and help to mitigate for them.

So, it's been 6 months and I've done more than I've should (sometimes i went without taking attendance), as in attendance of 12 times for Duty Counsel. But the real interview, I did 3 times only. Out of the 3 times, I did only twice in the lock up. (Please anyone, don't dispute this when I get called to the Bar). Because.....

the very first Duty Counsel that I did with my colleague, we went into the lock-up with a supervisor and another chambee as well. We went to the ladies' cell and next to it is the men's cell. As near as about 1 metre only, one accused stood at the bar, sticked his hand into his pants and started his business, with people just next to him. We freaked out but just remained calm until we got out of the cell. damn....

In and out of the court for trials and other matter, I did my Duty Counsel by doing bits of interview in the Court just before the hearing starts or just attend the Hearing and take attendance. So yea, that was about it.

Today, I went to do another round again, and i actually went to into the lock-up because my colleague need to interview some accused. So, I went in with her, haunted by the 1st experience, other than the smell. It was alright. There are people trying to slip papers with numbers of their contacts so that we can transfer message for them, but politely we decline as it's not part of our job.

That was about it. 3 to 5 more to go and i told the supervisor not to allow me to take attendance unless I do the interview with the accused. Just gotta train my guts right? :)

Heart of Compassion

2011-04-06T17:40:00.003+08:00

Ever since I started handling conveyancing matters, I learn to deal with the nasty side of people. I get scoldings from clients, clients slam the phone on me, lawyers sweet talk to me just so i do them favour. I take it personally sometimes, and because most of the times we are stuck in between all parties, it is not our fault because of the delay and things cannot be done in one day. But slowly, we learn to deal with them and we learn to ignore their scoldings.

And when it comes to court matter, especially in the crime side, we get to see a lot of cases that you feel sorry for. Mother with a few kids caught stealing because of poverty, poor people who gets unfair treatment and fairness in hearing for they do not know their rights and unrepresented, people get caught for drug trafficking but was in possession innocently after friend asked to pass it to another etc. I feel for them, i really do, but what can I do? for one moment, I really wanted to represent the unrepresented one pro bono but I've got no locus standi till end of the year.

And there was murder case by a 17 year old 2 weeks ago and my dad emo-ed about it for few days. Thinking how could the accused live now. Thinking how does the victim's family doing now. Thinking how could the accused do that. And there was a ruling yesterday on a self-defense case on a murder. Again, my dad ask me, how do i feel when i see all this in the court.

Me, sorry but, somehow I don't feel so much now. Save my feelings as feelings does not help me at all. Feelings does not help you to think rationally. Feelings does not help you to think better as a lawyer. May be I've never involved in the cases before. May be I haven't seen a lot. or may be i've seen to little. or may be i'm just ignorant. or may be, just cause, it does not help at all. Being compassion for people is good thing, but I think, what you do about your heart for the people is different thing. Just by being compassion, i think, we can just save the feelings. Having the heart of compassion and doing something about it, that, I want to be.

I still get irritated when client scolded me. Just in my heart, I'll say "FU,TQ!".

Wolverine or Two Batmen

2011-03-03T22:49:00.004+08:00

I've been getting some weird comments in reply to what I wrote on my FB status. And somehow, all the rants, majority of them, misinterpreted by people as connected to my job. I don't know how people read it or misinterpret it as it is, but probably because people think my life revolve around my work.

Knowing the high level of P&C required in my job and knowing the town is so damn small that words travel really fast and knowing people add spices and opinion of what they thought it is onto the interpretation they made based on the original sentence or content, I refrained myself from writing anything related to my work, my colleagues, my case and etc.

But somehow, people see it that way. I do not know why. To know the exact meaning, ask the maker, me! :)

No, my words are not optical illusion images.

My Prayer

2010-07-09T01:15:00.001+08:00

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know.
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way.
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe.

La luce che tu dai
Nel cuore restera
A ricordarci che
L'eterna stella sei.

I pray we'll find your light,
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are..

Nella mia preghiera
Quanta fede c'e.
Lead us to a place ?

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza,
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza.
Ognuno dia una mano al suo vicino,
Simbolo di pace...di fraternita.

La forza che ci dai
E desiderio te
Ognuno trovi amor
Intorno e dentro se.
Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above.
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love.
Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverai...

(by Celine Dion n Andrea Bocelli, The Prayer)

Speaks my heart, my prayer, for you. All the best in exams People! God Bless!

17.05.2010

2010-05-17T19:02:00.002+08:00

photo courtesy of dannychoo.com

The Real one and the Miniature one, both, I like.

Just Keep Holding On

2010-05-05T14:33:00.002+08:00

One Day You Will

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

Chorus
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

by Lady Antebellum

If you can find comfort through songs, that you were listening to the radio and suddenly this song speaks to you, and of all the sudden you think that, someone somewhere also going through the same thing as you do, and that someone actually knows and feeling what you're going through right now, you know you are not alone. Just keep holding on!

Thankful

2010-05-02T18:16:00.002+08:00

Despite all the things that happened, I just want to thank Him for His mercy and love. Can't be more than grateful now, for all that He has done. God didn't promise a smooth and easy life but He promised He will be there for us. And I'm thank ful

*listening to Teman Sejati by Juwita Suwito

Our D eep est Fe ar

2010-04-13T00:25:00.002+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

(quotes by by Mari anne William son)

Tangled

2010-04-12T16:37:00.004+08:00

It is said and known, in between picking up the sword and strike or defence yourself and picking up the glass to reach a covenant or understanding, it is so much to just pick up the sword and to defend yourself when the enemy is right in front of you. Be it the enemy or close acquaintances, friends or loved ones, how many times we pick up the sword to strike or we reach a mutual understanding.

Just last week, our client's opponent called the firm up and I picked up the phone. The moment he said hello, I know I was in deep sh*t, knowing, it's the mad person I have to face. True enough, the guy first asked about the updates in regards with his matter. And he didn't know anything about it during the last month as he has moved to another state and updated us the address, which we didn't take notice (and still send to the old address). In the end, I was scolded or blame was thrown to me, though it wasn't me who handled his file. But doesn't matter who, I just let him scold, stupidly, and in the end he slammed the phone on me.

I didn't feel anything about it. We, sometimes, encounter all this nonsense people and whether we allow ourselves to be affected by them, is our choice. Later on, when my boss was around, just out of lack of conversation or the awkwardness of silence in the working station when he was using the cubicle behind me, I just told him what happened (cause a lot of these things happened and we just report it to him, so that he knows how to handle them in future) and how I handled it. Well, he asked how did i react or response. I said, I didn't do anything. rather than going forward to reason / scold / explaining (which is not my fault at all on my part), I just kept quiet and let him finish whatever he wanted to do by calling us.

And it strike me that, my boss was saying, my method of handling these matters, rather than going front, I just step backward and have my moments, be it to look, or not to be overwhelmed, or just don't want to be affected. And what boss said or mentioned about me that, the moment people strike and I just let, people will keep striking me (in that same matter). Not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing.

It is so much easier to take the sword to just strike or defend. So much easier to just utter the words that come out from your mind when you're kinda irrational because of overwhelmed with whatever that is happening or just happened. But, I always choose not to tell or explain my stand or position in that matter, which is a disadvantage to me.

Something very saddening just happened and I'm still trying to overcome. Though I know it's a whole misunderstanding, but I still keep it to myself and hold it to myself, though it aches my heart. How I wish, an understanding of both side can be made, raise the glass and move on. Cause whatever that we had before, I have fear that it's gonna slip away, or already slipping away bits by bits. And, whether this worth what we had before, only we know. It's really, a whole, misunderstanding.

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around!

5 months and Tomorrow

2010-04-08T23:05:00.010+08:00

Tomorrow is my last day of work, after extended the period twice, or more than that. Especially that all my bosses are super nice people to work with and to know more than just employer or acquaintances. Well, one of them annoys me very much but I enjoy complain about him until i kinda miss him if he didn't come to the office. haha.

Malacca Trip

Anyways, I went to the Land Office again this morning at Shah Alam. Just did some matter there that required less than 5 minutes of mine but the travelling to there and back to office, took me about an hour n 45 minutes altogether. crazy pack on the road. Not much to complain, I've never been to the Land Office before, so, it's an eye opener, to know things out of the ordinary.The accountable drinking sessions n the chat

Well, there's so much to sum up the whole working period this time. I really enjoy the work and the life I had during work. Happening I can say. And I will miss this for the time being, to move on back to study life, working hard for my cert to practice.

Putrajaya
Today sort of like the unofficial last day. Me and colleague keep telling the boss bout where is what, and what stationaries he should buy and shouldn't buy, how to save on office stationaries and etc etc. We were just there for 5 months and yet we're the one telling the office matter. And he keep saying "how am I gonna survive here without both of you...." haha.. At least, we leave a legacy there in the office. From para legal to clerk to PA and Secretary to Office Manager / Admin to in house IT technician and Fax Machine & Printer Technician, we did all that. we actually fix the giant printer ourselves without calling the printer guy, and also refill the toner. We actually had fun! It will be, those were the days.....

St Patrick Day at One Utama.

Anyways, I shall just say, best of luck Ms Colleague. Thank you for filling me in as I MC-ed and took leave more than you. Thank you for filling me in as well as I'm always late to work. As I always say, if there's a best employee award, you'll get No. 1 and I will be No. 2. Hehe. I will miss it working with you. Till then.. All the best!

Genting, after 14 years never been there...

Next chapter in life, here I come, with much excitement, fear and anticipation. Whatever is it, I'm rest assured, knowing, He holds the future. I look forward to it!!

Daph's Surprise Party + Dinner

k... I dunno what to say but still got photos of events / activities that I did but not published here. Prob next time. God Bless you all!

photos credit - Simon Kwong. some, the obvious non-pro ones.... are from my fon >.<

so how?

2010-03-30T03:03:00.002+08:00

gone crazy I know. irrational you can say.

the journey there, was crazy, though we got lost. the journey back was worst. alone and afraid, as it's dark and not familiar. but knowing that u're madly worried for me, knowing that ur hugs show that u cared so much, makes it worth it all.

i'm not sure where is this heading, but i'm looking forward to... to all that possibility that I thought impossible.

A possibility

2010-03-09T01:43:00.002+08:00

I saw you for the first time, the other day. You were walking around, mingle around with your friends. You in your suit and collar shirt just captured me.

Then, later on we were introduced. I just know your name. nothing else. But something in you, just stays in me, at least, keep me thinking.

And then we started hanging out. I get to know you. Flattered and blown away, I hope, something blossom out of this.

You, I'm looking forward to......

pre-Cny 2010

2010-02-13T11:19:00.003+08:00

Suddenly I lost of words. Haha. Not that I don't know what to say, but just, not in the stamina to produce a post that can be read by people. Haha. probably too excited. thus, no time for really deep thoughtful thing.

Anyway, I've been partying a lot, every week!! thus appear like a zombie during the weekdays in work. No time to sleep, a lot of time to party. But I really enjoy this time. This period of time, where I've got no commitment towards anything but just my responsibility as a paralegal in the office and a daughter to my parents and be responsible to myself and some other p&c responsibilities. I got no financial commitment, relationship commitment, or other etc commitments. Probably I know, this period of few months will go very fast and I would not have time like this in future, that's why I'm enjoying it to the max.

And so, while everyone is on the way back to hometown, or already back, or waiting to go back. And yea, i'm going back, few days later. Am celebrating the first few days of CNY here in the big city, which is not my first option. This place, prob is my last choice. I miss visiting relatives and eat and chat away, hoping from one place to another place to visit. Chasing after the lion dance truck, watching lion dance performance. CNY without lion dance and fire crackers, is not CNY.

Cut the crap. Happy Chinese New Year. Gong Hei Gong Hei!!! *dong chiang dong chiang*

Take lots of angpao, eat lots of mandarin oranges and have more time bonding with family and friends. Take care! See you around!

God Bless!

06.02.2010

2010-02-06T16:26:00.002+08:00

Took this yesterday. It was raining heavily and I was in the office, dry and cozy. It always feel contended knowing that I'm so blessed, when it's raining outside and I've a shelter to be dry. But usually, I like this spot in the office as I can look down and see people and their life. But I wouldn't stand there more than 5 seconds as it's at the main working area and there's people around. It would be weird if I stand there long and just look.

First 30 days of 2010

2010-02-04T01:13:00.002+08:00

I'm Loving it!

Man's department

2010-01-28T22:13:00.003+08:00

I thought plumbing is easy. I thought it's all the same sizes. I thought, just buy some connector, and that's it. Who knows.....

I didn't know there are so many kinds of connector, stopper, twister whatever u call that, and in different sizes.

My attempt to buy this few things, failed. Cause, I didn't measure the diameter of the pvc in my house. And again, I didn't know that PVC pipe also has sizes. *big sweat*

It's like asking a guy to go buy make ups. When u have no clue at all, bout the colour code of that someone he's buying for, or whether she likes brown or black mascara. urghhh.....

I will still attempt to buy and fix the pipe myself!! When it becomes a disaster (hope it will not), then only I'll get the plumber. Is there Plumbing for Dummies book? Haha.. just kidding!!

My Boss

2010-01-26T20:20:00.003+08:00

It was quite close to lunch time when my colleague IM-ed me the websites of the food. I was in the midst of doing some letter, trying to get it down before lunch break. Just within minutes my colleague came to my cubicle and say, "it's kinda far, let's go there next time". Me, "no, we must go today!!! "(after looking at the food for a few seconds in between doing work).

20 minutes before lunch break, I let my boss sign the letter in his room while looking out giving my colleague some face expression. Suddenly my boss...
"I know you all want to go some where to eat. I see you keep looking at your watch. You all can go now and come back 15 minutes pass the working hour after lunch, or later a bit, but not so late lah yea..."

Immediately, I gave him my super sweetest smile and look at my colleague happily. Such nice boss. Then bought him some egg-tart. Hehe...

What did we have for lunch? Seafood porridge. 16 bucks per person but the stuff, is sooo much that we can't finish it. We were so full till bloated. -____-

24.01.10

2010-01-24T23:43:00.010+08:00

Just want to update, so i thought, shall just upload some photos. Here are some, from jazz bar, called N o Bl ack Ti e, that I went, but the event on that night, nowhere near jazz.

more classic at first... with Pete Teo.. nice atmosphere, if there's wine and cute guy next to me... haha (don't get offended A!!)
then the Rolling Sixties, the lead singer played amazing harmonica. I thought all harmonica are the same, but, there's like a set of it with different key. And everytime they want to sing a new song, the guy change to another harmonica. The way he played it, I've never seen anything like that before. Talent and practise. really really good. too bad, no video of them...

Then the Entertainer ( i call them), from Japan. They are really good. Though the lead singer doesn't converse well in English, but he manage to bring the whole crowd to join them. Not everyone can do that. Not just clapping and cheering, but also respond to them and join them with their act. Amazing. The bassist on the left, is really cool... and cool!! Too bad, my phone run out of space, can't take picture with them. Manage to smile and shake hands with these people. sigh..
So then, the next day. Lunch with friends. really cool place, it's imitation of American 1970s bar. It just lack of the song machine, the one u roll coins in and pick ur songs. they have a fake one.

This just remind me of MJ's MTV....

The potraits of famous people. It's more than what I've just took. Cause don't want to run around and take photos. Just took photos from my sit. The food was good too!! I forgot what's the name of this restaurant but it's at Taipan. yea, i'm sure it's in Taipan. Haha..

It's Monday again, and it's back to work again. My weekend was awesome plus drama plus eye opener and time just flew. Gosh... Wish that i have another day of break. bleh... anyways, Have a productive week and mark your days and make is significant, as it's the last week of January. Time just pass so fast!!

Have a blessed week ahead! God bless!

16.01.2010

2010-01-15T18:32:00.004+08:00

A lot of things happen just past 2 weeks, that I refuse to even blog. Just afraid that whatever that I'm going through / went through and some how leak out through the words I typed. here. how dangerous is it, even when it was very vague, people can just make assumptions.

This week has been a great one. Blessed and fulfilling at same time. For quite some time, I've stop blogging about what I've done and where did I go, to preserve privacy and transparency. I'm still not that bold and courageous yet to just not care what others say. but anyways....

(typed the above in the office yesterday Friday, after work, while waiting to go dinner.....and ran out before i manage to finish it...)

So, yesterday cell was great night. Though there was a bit of drama before cell, but, it was good, to catch up for just an hour, to throw all the things out and share a bit.

So, what that one thing in your life that you want God to fill it up this year?

Great Challenge

2010-01-08T22:30:00.003+08:00

I am still in great disbelief, that the few incidents happened today, actually happened, in the country i called my home. often i heard this in other country, in another part of the world, i thought, whow, I'm so glad I live here. But now, I'm just so sad.

It was said that human are born barbarian. Their carnal nature, are, barbaric. That's why they need law to govern them. And most of the earliest law in the world, starts off with a foundation from the bible. and slowly, as the people evolves, the law also evolves, to suit the then modern world. For a long time, law and morality (or religion) has a very fine thin line in between and it often overlap. But slowly, countries with their foundation on a religion, depart their law from religion or morality. Is it good or bad? I'm not sure. looking at UK, after they depart their law from religion, years later, civil partnership came to place. To religious fanatic, of course it' s not a good thing. But to free thinker, it's their business that u're trying to interfere. For modern people, they don't mind others' business.

A lot of times, people has forgotten, that law is to govern the people, to prevent injustice and to help the weak. To have consistency and structure. to have a fair and square community (which often, it's the other way round). to have whatever u think law should be. But, to have rules and regulations or law against the freewill of people,what is the purpose of law then? Your standard of morality is different from my standard of morality. Then, according to whose standard we then should meet? take for example, sleeping around. do u think it's fair to have a law, says that we cannot sleep around? no, but by your standard of moral, u think it's not alright. so, taking in YOUR thinking, you bring in morality into law, hence, we have "u're not allow to have sex unless u're married!". So, is this a wise thinking?

So, back to today. My heart was heavy the whole day, in a prayerful heart, the whole day I was checking almost all the local online websites and keep refresh my FB and twitter to check the updates on what was happening today. I prayed like i've never did before for a loooong time. And my heart still feeling sad, of what just happened today. I'm still in great disbelief, of what they believe in. I got no comments (i'm not allowed to, no freedom of speech) but, to pray, for God's intervention and God's peace be with His people.

Till then, be careful and take care. Be wise to discern what is right and cast out rumours, that's the small part you can do, to help restore peace back this country we all call our home. May God bless Our Home!

(i am not, in anyway, against any faith or belief, opinions or views. examples above are one of the many examples. this purely, only on law and morality, a subject we did during LLB)
(no comments allowed!! NO Freedom of Speech!! Do respond by pray!!)

A change

2010-01-08T00:42:00.003+08:00

It has been a boring week. I mean, during the day time. just this week, I think I've typed about 3 or 4 letters only. Bored eh. and online.. nothing much to see, nothing much to play.

but my nights has been great. and fulfilling. met up with my secondary school friends and one of them, my 5 years of classmate, whom i didn't met for probably 8 years at least. 3 girls sitting together and we chat away and giggle like school girls. and secondary school feels like it was just yesterday. And the chat didn't stop right there after we left. it continued on with phone calls and sms-es. after all this years, yes, there's a lot to update.

So, since it was a boring week. Me and colleague decided to wear semi-formal to work tomorrow. which i never did, even on friday, I still wear formal attire. But this week, work has been slow, probably cause it's new year. so, i decided to spice up my life. hehe.

it's weekend and I'm happy!!

till then, take care people!! Have a great weekend!!

This time, last year

2010-01-02T11:48:00.003+08:00

It feels like dejavu. The same thing happened last year at this time, repeats itself this year, yesterday. Except that we're in different continent, communicated through the phone, did the same thing and had the same meal for dinner. How ironic. And, I was there at the airport when I just arrived when you were there to fly off to the city I've just flew back from.

The first few days of last year, I was depressed. Over something I couldn't let go for few years. Not sure if I would do it differently this year. Will this go somewhere or should I just let it go. Not sure.

It's a new year, new beginning. Like every day else, once the sun rise, it is a new beginning. This time, I want to do things differently, see things differently and priorities things.

Sigh, what I am talking about? It's New year!! Happy Blessed New Year!!

Xmas of 2009

2009-12-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

It suppose to be a joyous occasion, for remembering the birth of Jesus Christ. A time for family get together, and christmas carols and presents. The feast and wine and family sitting around together. Yes, it's a family time.

But well, family time, can mean disaster as well. The good things come with bad things, the sweetness comes with the bitter. It's like yin and yang, or a balance u can call it.

And it suppose to be happy time, laughing out loud time, loving and being bigger heart time. And not a throw-a-fit time. It's sad to know, that at times like this, at a (supposedly) joyous moment, that sour face just appear, or anger are not managed well and tantrum are thrown. Hate to say but, respect the occasion and respect the people around you, are still one of the necessary values that are needed.

I am, trying not to get distracted. But at the same time, my heart is broken, and all I wanted to do, is try to accept the beautiful side of it and close one eye on the broken part. I just hope, time will pass without any major disaster!

I know it's suppose to be time of celebration and count my blessings, but, I can't help it, to be sadden by that fact. Not even angry but sad. sigh.

Merry Blessed Christmas people! I hope you have a great one!!!

God Bless!

19.12.09

2009-12-19T03:17:00.002+08:00

I'm just gonna be quick on this. Not lengthy one.

I bumped to someone whom I don't want to meet, the one i mention on my previous post. Yeah, luckily, I was alert enough to turn and walk straight away, while replying SMS-es after a looong busy day. My gosh.... The running away and hiding, is really frightening, shocking and at same time thrilling. It was crazy, but thank God, yea, she didn't see me. Crazy. Shall explain more, or, just leave it here. Not important anyway...

Before I run to sleep, Thank you (Really) Old Friend!!!

Go away please!

2009-12-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to disclose details. But, I just want to continue on from what I've wrote on my FB status and twitter just yesterday.

don't understand why ppl don't get it when i don't reply their sms-es for months. and still, not giving up in telling me, u're dropping by the town. salute u!

People come and go, as every day your life path cross with someone else, you share a moment, whether a crush or a click, or just plain acquaintances or working partner. And these moment may last longer, and some may just end after a few hours. Sometimes we click, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we have the same frequency, but not all the time. Sometimes we tune in the same channel, but later on, we head on to different channels. People come, and go.

And sometimes, you're stuck with this person, though there's not many things in common, but you still hang on with this person. Why i say stuck, as when the bad feelings over weigh the good feelings out of the moments, and you still want to stay that way, to be together in that moment, but at the same time you're torturing yourself by staying together, so, you're kinda stuck.

But still, bad experience, or short moments that we had before, the hurt and lost that we had before, never stop us from experiencing people. mind you, the only thing that stop you is your own fear that u keep building inside you.

But, i come to conclusion, when people come, i'll just appreciate, and when people go, i'll just need to bless them. it wasn't easy coming into this state, cause I had moments before. Moments that I don't want to let go, but people need to move on. and in between losing these moments and moving on, i went into the I'm-in-my-own-world stage. I kept myself busy, I hang out with the same group of people, but never tried to listen to what they were talking about. People busied around me, but I was stagnant in the same position for very long. It felt as if part of me is gone. And looking back, I know, i need to take care of myself, to make myself happy, to live every moment.

So, right now. I learn each day, from the past, on how to improve and be better in the moments. How not to repeat the same mistake, and how not to throw myself in a way that will hurt me. No, i'm not keeping myself out of the world. I am out there, to experience and live to the fullest.

*listening to I gotta feeling*

Why am i crapping this? Cause someone that I've been avoiding is coming to town. When the relationship just base on lies and cover up, pretending to be successful or wannabe somebody, self-centred and selfish, i don't see the point of even replying your messages. After all the lies, I still care and take you as friend, but you just screw your own chance. Even my mom's advice I ignore, and gave you a chance. But, you just screw it. So, I won't even bother meeting you up when u drop by the town. Even if u hunt me down to my house, i'll just crash friend's house, or head to the hotel *big smile*

Okiie.... enough of story telling. tonight was a good good night. Have a great weekend people!!

12.12.09

2009-12-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

It was a bad day, as far as I can remember. Not sure how i got annoyed, but i remember the part where my car was 'kissed' from behind, and while me, still at the agitated moment, went down the car, looked at the driver who 'kissed' my car, then looked at the bumper if there's any damage. no damage, then i 'tabik' at the guy with my angry face, cause still in very annoyed position. that's all i remember. short term memory or what, I don't remember the details anymore. Called L to spill out the annoyance just now, but i forgot half of the details -_-

Probably a lot of times it happens to us before. we was irritated or annoyed, and we get mad or feeling agitated, after a while, we forgot about what had happened but still feeling very annoyed.

But, I'm just being bitchy today, which I don't usually. I just want it my way, today. just feeling bitchy. whatever i don't like, i just say it to friend's face. yea, that's me today. the other side of me, which, normally doesn't come out.

so, if u see this side of me, either u're close to me that i let u see this side of me, or u're just too annoying!!

07.12.09

2009-12-07T00:53:00.003+08:00

I was ~~deleting~~ cleaning up my blog when I come across this post

It still feel the same.

***

I wanted to blog bout this and whole loads of story but, i'll just keep it short. Ad, it's good to see you again last week, after so long. It's still the same when i first know you, and the comments u left in this said post, and now, it still the same. glad that we keep each other.

***

Have a productive and blessed week ahead. Will look forward each day and be happy!!
till then, God bless you, friends!!

05.12.09

2009-12-05T01:32:00.002+08:00

So, there's a story with this guy who bought a property from a developer. and the contract says, within 36 months, if the developer unable to hand the keys and OC, developer would have to pay a penalty of 10% per annum.

So, 36 months gone, and 6 years later the keys was handed over. A year later the guy sued. According to the law, there's limitation period of 6 years for breach of contract. Defence lawyer says, limitation starts when the breach occured, which is after the 36 months. Plaintiff's counsel says, limitation period starts when the keys was handed over. So, which one the judge buy? the defence lawyer's argument. developer did offer outside settlement with other buyers, but some thought, if sue according to the contract, the sum is much higher.

So, did the judge dispense justice in this case?

well, in a way, the judge is saving the developer's ass, cause late of delivery, meaning probably 500 units' buyers can sue him for all the penalty. but in a way, a bit unfair to the buyers. And, this cause, barred by the limitation period.

So, sort of, if u know the lacuna... u can play around it.

I rest my case. I shall, continue on my track, to go into academic field.

Best Wishes

2009-11-26T16:28:00.003+08:00

You have finally moved on. Going to begin a new chapter in life. Finally, leaving all that behind and start a new path, with memories of each other to fill in. Our life path once crossed, and I shall leave all that behind us, at least, for both to walk a different path. At least, now, no more shadows of each other following us.

Thank you for all the memories that you've given to me. Thank you for accompanying me throughout those years, in thick and thins. Thank you for sharing your life with me during that period of time. Thank you for giving me those moments that no one could take away.

I just want to wish you, all the best in the next chapter. May God bless u with many blessings, love and joy, in your next chapter!

Best wishes, from me!

24.11.09

2009-11-24T00:45:00.002+08:00

It's a month away to Christmas Eve, then a week to New Year. And, all of the sudden (or I didn't really realise it) that the year is coming to an end, to a new chapter of new year. Just for a moment, as I look back, at this time, right now, I am very much contended with what I have, with where am I, with what I've achieved so far. Mind you, not any achievement like certificates or any career related goals, or money oriented goal such as "first tank of gold". It's more of a character and value re-building this year, which I'll explain more in later post. But, on one thing, which has been part of my new year resolution for past few years and will be also next year, is my spiritual growth. Hmmm... probably moved just a few steps, or inches? I will work on that :p

Yes, it's a very short post, just on what I'm up to!

Cheers, Happy Tuesday!! Gambateh!!! In whatever you're doing!!!

I wish

2009-11-10T03:01:00.002+08:00

People say, honesty is the best policy. We all learn this when we were young, got this from English Language Classes. But how much does it mean to you, to exercise that being honest is the best policy, in life, may be.

But the truth hurts. Before the truth is communicated, it's already hurting someone. Although it happened a while ago, but the effect of it still linger around. For what had happened, I am no to judge. But, people can't forget. People still remember. And the only person that change this fact is, the one that is involved.

Anyway, it doesn't have anything got to do with me. Why am I bothered? My ass was burned but I won't save my own just cause it will hurt others. I am, keeping it to myself, at the mean time.

Till then, I am very persistance with what I stand, with what I believe in, with what I'm holding to. Cause, I don't want to allow it to get on top of my head again and control me, any more. Cause, I am tired.

For what is worth, sometimes things don't look like what it is on the surface. I wish, I can spill it out.

Being Supportive

2009-11-08T01:10:00.002+08:00

Would you listen to what your friends say, knowing that she/he is saying what you wants to hear but doesn't believe in what you wants to do?

Would you say, what your friends WANTS to hear, in order to be supportive, in order to be that supporting friend?

We may have our differences in opinions and the way we see things, and different people weighs different considerations differently. But not everyone can see from the other person's view and think from their side.
But the thing is, the line inbetween disagreeing because of what I think (I can't see what u're trying to achieve, or what's in it that u're looking for) and
disagreeing because of what I think is best for you, is very thin and blur.

But, would u say, what ur friend WANTS to hear, in order to be supportive? Note that it is "Want" and not "need".
Needed to hear, is ur piece of advice and ur persistance in diagreeing.
Wants to hear, is, the encouragement that the person wants to hear.

And, whatever decision we make, we make it out of our convictions, but not, just 'cause someone else says differently. And sometimes, you need to fight for it yourself, even if there are ppl, disagree with you.

And bottom line, hold on to people that believes in you, and distant yourself from people, who keep crushing your spirit.

After 3 weeks

2009-10-30T02:01:00.002+08:00

I didn't expect this would come. All this while, I've been trying to bury it deep inside me, as deep as it could be, and trying to carry myself as good as I can, as if it doesn't affect me that much. For I know, what's best for me is to look forward and put one foot on the other and continue walking. But well, this is the part where sometimes the mind doesn't cooperate with the heart and thus, the break down.

I thought I'll be alright with it, or we force ourself to be alright, for this is the shorter way to moving on, rather than going through the process of breaking down, break into million of pieaces, soak into the sadness and then only, start picking ourselves up and slowly make a step to move on.

I started my day happily, meeting up with people for lunch and get to know new friend. I've placed extra effort in doing hair and make ups, and chose my attire that shows that what a day that I'm looking forward to enjoy. But half way, it suddenly hit me, what happened 3 weeks ago.

I'm glad, it hit me. Although i tried so hard to hold myself back and bury it back when it first hit me, but I'm glad, I dig it out all and let myself be, how my heart feels. It's okay to be not okay right, a friend always say. Probably I've look too far, probably I've think too much. But, just probably, I just need some courage to continue walking.

And at this time, I still know, who holds tomorrow. I keep praying, that dear Lord not to leave me nor forsake me, to have faith in me and give me that strength to continue walking. And i'm so much glad, for the pillar of support that I have. Thanks friend!

Next Chapter

2009-10-23T00:31:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking for a second, whether i should disclose this here in the www. Firstly cause I didn't get to inform my close friends personally about it, and I don't like the idea of them knowing it through this blog, rather than hearing it from me personally. Not a big deal though, not like i'm getting married or something. But yea, i shall not disclose it here till further notice.

SO, my holiday is coming to and end. It's like the longest break I've ever had. more than 3 months of break and did nothing but just laze around at home. Never, rotted like this before. But at the same time, it's been a great time of rest at home, although the first few weeks of the break was a disaster to me, close to running back to my nest.

I must say, the journey of this holiday wasn't easy. There were tears, anger and misunderstanding, and also digging out the past which brings to clarification of my stand, closure of the past in order to move forward and leaving the past behind. It's a joy knowing, it doesn't affect me anymore like it used to, and knowing that I actually had moved forward without realising it myself.

Every chapter that brings sadness or discomfort in some way when u think of it, must have an end to it and closure, in order to move forward. And I'm happy, you were there to help me, and I was there to close it up, in order for u to move forward. I guess, time does help in fading everything away, be it sad or happy, but, whether there is a real closure to the chapter, depends on whether you did the right thing, and not just waiting for time to pass to fade it away.

I just want to wish you the best in your next chapter, and I know u wish the same too, to me.

Still waiting

2009-09-19T03:02:00.002+08:00

I mean my results, most importantly, although the other half almost equally the same important. but never mind.

I'm back in KL for the time a week, thought the results will be out this week but turned out, probably after the raya.

Was back in hometown for almost a month, and I was quite busy chilling and relaxing, at the same time, fulfilling my responsibility and commitment in the family (no... not family 'business' but 'family' business if u get what i mean). There's mix feeling, other than being happy that exam is finally over, but also the fact that the current chapter of my life probably come to end and going to next chapter, well, depends on the results.

Hmmm.... at the mean time while I'm back here, I didn't get to really relax, as I was running around to get some stuff done, at the same time I got food poisoining I think, had diarrhea and been vomitting for few days. Not sure why, till yesterday, when I fully recovered.

Right.. got to stop. I don't know why i choose to blog when I just had a few round of alcohol just now. Ciao... the world is spinning.....

26.08.09

2009-08-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

The best thing about real supporter is, I don't need to tell the whole story, but just a few lines and the other person gets what I mean without making any assumptions or misunderstood me. Thanks!

You determine your life and how you want to lead your life, not others.

I am NOT like YOU

2009-08-12T08:56:00.002+08:00

It runs in the blood people say. It is inherited in the gene. We resemble our parents or guardian or whoever who look up too. Every pieces of us, resembles someone that is close enough to leave a mark in our life.

But yet, when it comes to negative value, which runs in the blood according to people, I can't help but to deny this. Not wanting to believe or accept this fact that we inherit the behaviour of our parents, I refuse to believe this. But, can't deny, we DO resemble our parents in some way, be it good or bad.

The only thing I can do now, is taking them as a mirror and change the person in me. Whenever I face the same problem as they did, I'll try to remind myself not to react or solve the way that did which I disagree.

But one thing I still can't figure out, is, marriage. I. Don't. Know. How.

The Aftermath

2009-07-30T02:44:00.002+08:00

So I've finished the exam. The brain still a bit retarded, still a bit lagging, processor not that fast. The event is so strong and dramatic that it still affect us somehow.

1. A friend was watching tv and suddenly, it just pop out on her mind, why is she watching tv. She has something important to do. The next question is, oh... exam over, no more studying.

2. During the exam, my messages always ends with gambateh or add oil. Going to bed messages would be "rest well and nights", and not sweet dreams like i always do. Now, it's sweet dreams and not rest well. -__-

3. For past one month, I eat a few meals per day but eat little per meal. Cause afraid of being sleepy after meal. Now, I had 2 meals only and it's full meal till i feel bloated.

4. Waking up in the morning and need to convince myself, it's after exam and we got nothing to do.

So, right after exam. I went,dinner, clubbing, partying, hanging out, lepaking, trips, lepak again, talking, meeting up, talking nonsense, etc as much as i can. not forgetting, FB-ing as much as I can with the games :P

Parents of the gang we were supportive, telling us that we earn it to have this two months break and ask us to chill all the way, and start stress when only result is about to release.

So, although one side of me already predicted the results, but friend say, must keep finger cross, continue praying and hope for the best. So, I can't give up while my supporters are praying right. So, just pray for grace on examiner's side, to be a little bit more gracious on marking our paper. Amen for that.

In the mean time, where shall i go next :p

ps: I still can't upload my photos to websites, but will do starting tomm, since I'm going back home.
pss: Have fun holidaying and chilling and do whatever you want, fellow CLPians!!! will miss you guys!!!

After 2 Papers

2009-07-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

It was not as easy as i thought, not the paper I'm talking about. The stress coping and management, the optimistic and positive thinking, which I thought I handle it so well all this while, came crushed down. It wasn't really that easy. Doesn't matter about the paper and the examination, I thought, with the confidence (in going through and survive) and the positive thinking, I already win half the battle. But no, the stress of examination overpowered me and got me unsettled and restless.

Seriously, this is nothing like other examinations that I sat before. After all these years of uni, more than 10 examinations, this is really nothing like before. Just today, when I read the questions during reading time, I know what the question wants, I know how to answer. Just that my brain went blank and i coudn't recall any cases. I can't even project my notes in my mind.

It's really not about the certificate now, we all just want to sit for it and survive through it. Doesn't really what is the outcome, going through the preparation for examination till the examination day, and survive through the papers do build character. Friend was right, it does build a character in us. The fighting spirit, the never give up spirit, the perseverance and the persistant spirit, and also the stronger us. A lot of times, we're at the verge of giving up, chuck it aside and walk away, but because, knowing that we're in this together, pull us through and it does hold us together till the very end.

Well, it's not the end yet. We're just half way through, and thinking back, We are all Champions. So proud of ourselves, said a friend. Doesn't matter what is the outcome, the fact that we sat for it, proves we're conqueror, says another friend. I'm so proud, having to call them, my pillar of support. Thank you, for being strong for me, when I was at the verge of slipping it away.

I shall be stronger and fly higher. Gambateh people!

The Day

2009-07-13T01:06:00.002+08:00

The day we've been anticipating much has come, the day that will determine whether there's a new beginning or repetition of the old one. Also the day, that whatever hard work, toil and sweat we've made, we shall put in writing. And, the day where, all our parents keep looking at the watch and pray for their children throughout the time. Also, the day where, we go out to the battle and fight for our future.

It's the day, of the starting of the Certificate of Legal Practise examination. *sweat*

Wish me all the very best!

2 days and 11 days

2009-07-11T01:10:00.002+08:00

Currently camping at home, with loads of food stored. Didn't see any human for few days, only books. SO lifeless. Can't wait to get over this. But at the same time, I don't want it to be over that soon.....

After all this and if I pass...
probably going back home for good, which means, leaving behind everything i have here and start all over again back in hometown. there are a lot of things i'll miss here. My pillar of support, mostly, here.

Anyways, the exam hasn't start yet and we're planning for holidays after the exam. woo hoo~

Alright, shall go back to work. Gambateh people!!

dumb auntie

2009-07-07T02:35:00.003+08:00

Just now evening, I went to Popular Shop at the Ikano Centre to get some stationaries and just as I was queuing up, there was a lady in her 60s, stood right in front of me, holding onto the barrier that divides the line. Over the next line, there was a kid almost the height of my waist, probably around 4 years old, quite babbly, was sulking at her mom. Quite an interesting conversation they had. I think he wanted story book in english but her mom aka siu jie auntie only took the malay language ones.

Kiddo, you lazy girl...
mom, later all ur books gather dust at home....

this was only part of the conversation. As the queue was long and slow, i overheard their conversation for about 10 minutes.

Then it's the auntie's turn to pay. RM113 in total. Suddenly don't know why, the old lady in front of me, talked to the sales girl that was attending the kid's mom.

What just happened. They didn't bring the member card and the siu jie auntie was just standing there looking at her mother in law i suppose, and not talking to the sales girl. So, the sales girl told the mother in law, they need a member card. the mother in law told her, they didn't bring it, and bla bla bla, trying to persuade the salesgirl to give them a discount. And the whole time, the auntie didn't try to solve anything, just stood there, only re-phrase what the sales girl said to the old lady when she cannot understand what the sales girl just said.

Then the old lady told the kiddo to come again the next day with the member card. Still, the auntie was just standing there.

I was like... What the Hell!!! I so wanted to shout, for goodness sake, can someone just give them the stupid card. I don have one, so, if not, i would just pass mine to them.

It's not about the card. It's about the siu jie auntie. seriously, so impolite, not well mannered, not respect. she thinks that she's still 16 year old sulking at her mom. my gosh. the face looks like 40 to me. Oh come on....!!! the whole time didn't try to do anything, let the mother in law talk, who can't even converse in malay properly and mix with english. SHe can't understand the sales girl either. My gosh. Not sure whether the auntie know what is paiseh or not, some 10 to 15 person behind us queuing up witnessing all this.

The bottom line is, our kid will reflect us, just like a mirrow. How u sulk at them, at 4 years old, they will know how to be sulky too. Poor mother in law.....

I'm not a lost generation

2009-06-30T04:15:00.001+08:00

Check out this awesome video. A friend sent to me, while both of us burn the midnight oil.

Stepping Stone

2009-06-28T18:39:00.003+08:00

I never wanted to do this. And this would be the last thing in my list. I never thought of doing it, never ever. But no matter how much I don't like it, I still went and register for it, the CLP. I remember entering the college, thinking how am I going to say, this is my college. I never wanted to do CLP, let alone coming to this college to study. I registered, and paid half of my fees. I was thinking, in a month time, probably I'm out of here and pursue other things.

So, I never called this my college. I always address it as BAC or the school. No offence to the institution, just me doesn't want to sit for the paper. I consider this place, as me passing by, not wanting to settle, not wanting to get comfortable, not wanting to feel belonged here. All, I want to do, probably just let time pass by, and will leave once I make decision what I want to do and where I'm heading to. I'm just, honouring what my dad says.

So, September passed and I'm still here. December passed and the new year came. I thought, may be I'll start working after the festive seasons but norpe, I was still there. May be I've given up, may be I was already half way in this, may be I should give it a try.

Although my heart never set for this, but still very consciously, my mind doesn't work together with my heart and I did study consistently since November. A bit slack and a bit of hardworking, a bit of lepakking and a bit of overworked, today finally, was the last day of our course. I was a bit sad, thinking, why I didn't I start appreciating my life in CLP and only till the last few months of the course, I started to mix around and get to know some really cool and great people. And really, time flies when we start to enjoy,

Today, was the unofficial last day of class. The next two weeks will determine what we gonna do next year. Although everyone keeps it to themselves, the fear of exam and results, but we still continue cheering for each other, hoping that we'll make it together.

All The Best!! AKHL, DW, FL, FSL, LSC, JLPK, JS, NN, PL, YHW! It's been great knowing you!

At 11

2009-06-27T01:24:00.005+08:00

I remember very clearly, i first listened to his song, at the age of 11, when I stayed overnight at school as we had band performance the next day. Heal the World, from a cassette of one of the teacher. I remember i held on to the cassette player, listened to this song repeatedly. It was a cassette, so what I did, when the song ends, I would rewind it all over again and play it again. I still remember that night, that moment, which classroom we were in, what did we do inbetween when I found the cassette until the time when we get to rest. And it's still my favourite until now. I can even recite the lyrics, the whole thing!

I hope, the next generation will learn to know about him, just like we learnt about Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin by Theresa Tang. I hope, our next generation would have someone like him, that brings impact in their heart and this place, will be a better place for the human race.

You will be remembered, MJ.

Quick Update

2009-06-25T13:13:00.003+08:00

I got class in half an hour time.

2 weeks more. or less than 3 weeks more.

I want to go celebrate!!

I feel so, different now.

I am, very grateful now.

K... stop the nonsense.

Happy Thursday.

Ciao!

ps: no photos for time being, as the computer that i'm using now has software problem and my other computer... died already lah.... so, just bear with the text only post for time being. xoxo

One week and 3 weeks

2009-06-21T00:01:00.003+08:00

What I was up to for the past one week.

Reverse a bit, 2 weeks ago, i left my car at the car wash centre at my apartment. I forgot to collect it back, hence it stayed overnight there. The same night, the ceiling of my toilet collapsed. Apparently, my nice neighbour up there poke the pipe until it burst or something, and it drop on my ceiling and therefore it collapsed.

Past one week, my laptop died on me. So i brought it to HP Centre for it to be fixed. Initial check confirms that it's LCD problem. But i think it's the graphic card problem, cause the same symptom happened before it crashed on me last year. Then i asked for quaotation.

1. Service charge, include open up and check only. RM95
2. LCD only - RM1100
3. Since there is internal webcam attached, if it's broken. Including the LCD is RM1500
4. Graphic card (attached together with motherboard, so have to change the whole thing)
RM1396

I took back my laptop, without even allowing them to open up and see. So darn expensive.
It's only 17 months old.

And Yesterday, I sent a friend home to her place in Sunway. As i reversed, I saw that bits of wall sticking out and I even told myself to be careful. Either I was tired or I need new pair of glasses, the right side of my car butt bang to the wall with a loud BANG. >.<

Well... it doesn't look like things don't run smoothly on my part, cause, I was laughing while I told my friend

"You know.. my laptop died one me.. HAHAHAHAAH".
"I just langgar the wall with my car butt... HAHAHAHAHA"

3 weeks from now, I'll be sitting for the Peperiksaan Menguji Ketahanan Lasak Anda dan Memori Anda (forgive my malay, i.... errr.. left high school long time ago..).

And, I'm here blogging and just finished a tv session. Seriously, I haven't even finish reading up my syllabus. left 1 big subject and 4 small subject. Can jump well, quote HS.

Right, have a great weekend people! God Bless you!!

On My Table

2009-06-16T02:32:00.000+08:00

Standing Still

2009-06-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

It has been in my mind for quite sometime. And it keep coming back to me no matter how hard i suppress it or try to avoid it. And during a close friend's wedding last week, all that I've suppressed in finally appeared all together, just like the light stuff all floating up on the water after being suppressed underneath. I can't help it, but the tears just flood my eyes and I tried to hard to hold it back, so that i won't ruin my make up, and it's someone's wedding!

Since the beginning of the year till now, I've attended some 4 weddings of my close friends and a cousin. till now, it's 4. they are People around me age, my peers. And what makes it worst is, people start asking when is my turn. And when they found out I'm with nobody, that makes it even more worst. And when the history of me not involved in serious relationship before, makes people wonder, if I'm gay (no offence to gay people okay...)

While my friend walk down the aisle, other than being touched by their love story and the relationship, I just thought back on my life and my love life. Seriously, I don't see that I lack of anything in my life. Loving parents, loving brothers, wonderful and loving sister in law, a group of supporting friends and a busy life. I don't understand what is it that I'm lack of, but, since the beginning of the year, I felt the pressure from people, just because I'm alone. As i told one of the Gfs about this yesterday, I can feel my tears, flooded my eyes.

Am I too picky, or the guys appear in my life just doesn't seem right. Why is it so easy for others to fall in love and be in a relationship but I can't. This was what I've been thinking. Until the poind where, I thought I am being too picky.

And yesterday, I told one of the GFs, that the main condition so called to become my other half, is He must be a christian. The moment i say that, I feel like I'm like this hard core holy fanatic Christian. Seriously, i start questioning myself, does it matter?

Yes, it does. I can't believe half of something and ignore the other half right. What Celest said last night was really encouraging. Never under estimate your own value, your own belief.

Going for it for the sake of it, is really wrong. Getting one just because I suppose to, is also wrong. having one just because everyone else did, is also wrong.

I'm also just a girl....

03.06.09

2009-06-04T22:11:00.007+08:00

(Pictures in courtesy of LukasFoo)

I just found out these pictures from Lukas's blog.

I really didn't know or notice, that Darrel was behind me and manage to take a few shots with the studying me. I was so concentrating I guess, or just the music blasting at my ears can't hear anything else but the music. Bleh..

Back to study!

God Bless!

26.05.09

2009-05-26T14:05:00.002+08:00

So I'm back at home. After the really last minute plan. Luckily the air ticket is not so expensive buying at last minute.

The flight back was not so good. First half of the journey, there were girls talking few rows behind me and I can hear their conversation. Then the second half the the journey, there was a crying baby, cried on top of his lungs. I can't really hear them with my mp3, but the last 20 minutes before landing, I feel like shouting at the pilot to land as fast as he could.

I was overjoyed when I first touch down. Like, never been home before that kind. Too tired with life over there and I called home and asked if I can come back. Hehe, even for that few days, I'm satisfied. To recharge myself to continue and fight the battle.

So now i'm at cousin's place, as my own place, the modem broke down. Nobody uses the computer, thus the modem was on 24/7 and now, resets every 3 minutes. So, i can't really online. Need to get a new modem. Therefore, no photos for now.

Till then, see you guys this weekend. Don't miss me much :)

22.05.09

2009-05-23T01:33:00.002+08:00

It was a crappy day.

Salute You

2009-05-19T03:49:00.002+08:00

I never had a chance to tell you this, or I probably don't see a point of telling you this out of the sudden. But not that this is a good time. But....

Although life sucks on you, although everything doesn't seems alright with you, I know, you never stop searching for that something that deep inside only you can understand.

Although it seems like everything that happen, is brought upon by yourself, but hey, nothing happens from one party only.

But of all the things that happened, I always see you as a very brave person. A person that always seek for happiness thou nothing last forever, the person that always hope and always give, though it may not last, the person that always be strong and never give up, though sometimes it fails on you.

And to compare me and you, you have more colours in your life than I do, cause you are brave to make steps out of the ordinary, out of the way we're taught or told to be, out of our very own comfort zone. And when experience counts in life, you had more than I have.

So, I salute you. I've been thinking of this a lot lately, and, I just want to tell you, life sucks and sometimes it fails on us, but, we continue to hope and we continue to work towards perfection, cause life is full of hope. We may fall into pieces, we may just want to sit and let life pass us by, but I know, you will stand up and continue walking very soon, so, don't sit too long. Life is waiting!!!

Take care, Love you always.
Cynth :)

15.05.09

2009-05-15T01:43:00.002+08:00

It's really late now, and i suppose to go to bed, but, i feel bad for not studying.

It's already 15th now, countdown, 7 weeks and 5 days to go before exam. And I was checking out FB, checking out blogs and now my own blog.

My stress is on and off, like, this minute i feel the stress, the next minute, I was doing something else. Or, I was telling friend "die lorrr..... cannot finish study..." then next minute I was talking about random stuff and continue on until I'm satisfied.

Not sure how, when I was in LLB, i told myself, if i can't make it, at least i still have other qualifications that I can depend on. But now, hmmm, I don't know how to motivate myself to run faster and faster. I've been studying consistently everyday, but, I have the feeling that i cannot finish the syllabus. But, whatever is it, I will not chicken out. I will sit for the exam no matter what.

Still, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Friend says "2 months or One year and 2 months". That motivates her.

At least, I'm still hanging on and persevering. Hehe.

I just need to hang on!!!

A Prayer

2009-05-13T01:08:00.002+08:00

It's been a drama for past one week. The happy and the unhappy one.

Felt this burden in the heart to say a prayer to you all.

May God protect you and your family and watch over our property.
May God's angel guard you in all your ways.
May God guide you, keep you and love you.
Amen!

Off to bed. Tomorrow will be a great great day!

Beauty and Pain

2009-05-07T02:25:00.003+08:00

Recently, almost every month since the beginning of the year, I attended a function, mostly on weddings. Then birthday parties. And, just these 2 weeks, I spent a lot on dresses, heels and make-ups and accessories. All are necessities right? Buying them at one go really cost a bomb in my wallet. This is coz i don't normally use them and i hunt for them only when i need them. I don't mind the recyclying of the same dress on different occasion. But, hey, girls should dress up and be pretty. Grrrr. This is on, trying to be nice and presentable.

So I explored the world of eye liner and mascara. Using it is pretty easy I think... coz some one did it on me. But taking it off really painful. Have to keep rubbing and rubbing, to take off the mascara and eye liner. Left my eyes red and skin around my eyes become sore. Grrr... this is on, trying to be nice and presentable, still.

Ah weell, next thing i'm gonna get, brush set. Though i don't really know how to do make up. But i think, every girl should have this stuff. Hehehehe....

bobbi brown doesn't sit around the gadget corner...
*speechless*

03.05.09

2009-05-03T01:33:00.002+08:00

I suppose to be in bed already, since i have to wake up at 7am. Grrrr....

Just to sum up.
1. I didn't progress well in my studies. Too many temptations, too many distractions. I don't know how to priorities.
2. One of the mornings, freaking early morning, was waken up by screamings. And i cudn't sleep after that cause it just freaked me out. Someone attempted to jump off the building, but thank God, someone held her tight. Hmm.. just being sarcastic, jumping off from 4th floor? I bet she's drunk or high. Well, someone jumped from 2nd floor in the college hostel before, just to prove to the girlfriend that he really loves her. Yeah, she felt really loved. In the end, she enjoyed pushing him around in wheelchair, broken leg bcos of the jump. Here, The apartments here are clean. no bad record. Gotta continue to pray.
3. I went shopping, like for few days, that's why my studies not progressing well this week :p
4. I just did my french manicure and it's ugly. Daph would be laughing at me like mad when she sees it tomm. bleh

Orite. Another 5 hours tomm. Good luck with sitting for 3 hours without a break. muahahaha.

Till then, take care yea!

Crazy Ppl

2009-04-30T21:34:00.007+08:00

So we went to the curve for the warehouse sale. I've never seen crazy sale like this before, never
seen such a long queue before. Seriously, it was worst than the post christmas sale in Aus.

this is where i first queue up. Super long. Then i went in front. cannot tahan. queue not moving at all. so we left.

Crazee. Inside like pasar. literally. pasar.

Speechless

2009-04-25T01:08:00.002+08:00

Was thinking and going into emo state while driving just now when the radio...

我很想爱他...

I sang along....

Then...

一个人走

*speechless*

Then...

我等的人他在多远的未来

I was like... are you kidding me????

Since when the radio can read my thinking...???!!!

Being Enthusiastic

2009-04-22T18:20:00.002+08:00

Just the other day, the 3 of us were talking about our childhood and all the things that we do besides attending schools and tuition. How coincidentally, the 3 of us plays the piano since young, and all the sudden, looking back at what I've went through to get where I am now, really, amazes me.

Well, we were all forced to learn the piano (sorry mom!). I remember me and bro used to hate saturdays cause we have piano classes on that day. And how we prayed and hoped that it rained every saturday so that we don't get to go classes (my piano teacher's place easily get flooded..hihihihi).

The preparation for the exams were tedious. I'm so totally can connect with what they were saying about the process of practising the scales, major and minor code. And I was like, hey, I'm really not alone. Everyone felt the same. Not only me. From the practicing and to the preparation to exam and on the exam day itself and during the examination, while facing the examiner. We all had felt the same. And probably this is the first time i was so enthusiastic and passionate in talking about what I know or my interest (the 2 girls were more excited in telling their experience, and their face glow with neon lights or fluorescent lights or something :P).

And we all hold the same pride of skipping a few classes at school just to go for practical examination and everyone will just stare at you, when we walk into the school late and still be proud of it, as if we have some kind of immunity or privilege.

Well, it's been a long time I'm not passionate about something. I miss the satisfaction of playing long pages of scripts, and the satisfaction of passing one grade and move to next, the satisfaction of learning a few pages long of songs or even the sonata. Or even the satisfaction of being able to swim 10 laps of olympic size swimming pool (I used to...). Or drawing something on a full size drawing block (I used to be good in oil pastel... used to). I miss being passionate about something..

Yea, I bought a violin and i thought i can share the same passion that i can in piano, but, urggh, i just hate the process. of learning from scratch. I wish i can play straight some really nice and long pieces, like canon or something.

I am still searching for it. ANd now, my passion is on books. -____- particularly on clp books.

12 Weeks

2009-04-18T01:11:00.006+08:00

It's the 1st week of Intensive Revision class. Crazy. Just sitting there for couple of hours listening to fast lecture really tiring. Today the lecturer wrote stuff on the board, so, everyone moved forward to the first few rows of the class.
First time sat so front in class. SL said, we're bright student now. Cause we sit in front. -___-
While lecture, Adam keep disturbing both of me and Cilia. Cilia pointed out that our shoes are red.
May be it looks like i'm playing in the class, but i did listen to lecture while snapping one or two shots. Not trying to get into stress mode, which is not helping at all, I'll try to move forward using my own motivation and will. Hmm.. Of course, not by my own strength, but His.

Well, it's weekend again, and it's been a while since I don't look forward to weekends. But anyways, Have a blessed weekend!!

Till then, be good there!

Last Week

2009-04-15T00:57:00.007+08:00

I went to Bird Park with Ty and Bro and Nephew. Nothing much that amazes me. Except for the flamingos that were sleeping on one leg and the other hanging like L shape, that I feel like going over and them a kick. muahahaha.. Photos still with Ty.

Then we went to PC Fair. Didn't see much, we just walked pass all the halls to take brochures. Oh, had coffee before PC Fair. I fasted that day, so had coffee only in the noon. First time I saw the this kind of concept of sugar. I saw this once in the HK movie only. Bleh. This coffee cost RM9, but how many times u get to drink coffee with the big view of KLCC next to u. BIG view of KLCC okay.. not the KLCC from far.

So then after the PC Fair, i went to class. After class, i went to Cell. then supper. Arrived home at 1.30am and still, went to shower. slept with my hair wet, and when i woke up, my hair still wet!! slept 5 hours only. Saturday class again. Saturday night went church for Easter production. Slept 5 hours again. Then Easter Sunday. Met up with a friend to church, and I didn't arrive on time. Bleh. It's Easter, so, I took a lil more time to choose my attire. Hehe. soli soli, i was late!

During class, I can't even concentrate. SL was sitting next to me, she looked super awake to me. I didn't dare to fall asleep. then SC was on my right side, also, copying answer attentively. I paiseh want to fall asleep. So, tried hard to keep myself awake. After the class ended, i walked out like zombie. Then the 20+ of us went lunch together. sat from 3pm to 5 pm there. then from the table, we stood up, walked a few metre and continueed talking. then walked to the middle of the road to the divider, and still talking. -_____- Probably all just know each other, so much to talk. So many plans to make.

Yesterday at IKEA, bumped to cell members. Grrr.. disturb me study only.....

And this afternoon, study at IKEA again with Adam and Cilia. Was reading attentively with my Ipod, and cilia suddenly pasted this on my notes. -_______-

I shall go to sleep. stupid class from 1pm to 6pm.

Easter Celebration

2009-04-12T01:14:00.004+08:00

Went to CHC in the evening for Easter Production. Kena tipu, cause thought it's team from Singapore. who knows, it's team from local church. I enjoyed more when the pastor talk and sang all the old songs.

This was when we sang "He will come and save you". A very "lum" song.... melt my heart. The pastor got all of us to hold our phone with the screenbacklights on. like concert. so fun.

Yea, i looked back and saw the view was nice. so i took a few snaps with my phone.
We sat at the 2nd row from front, at the side. So, can practically see everything in the hall.

like concert. we don't even do this in our church. although we have band and lights flying around with colours, but not phone light or lighter and wave hand like concert. >.<

K.. i better go to sleep. it's gonna be, another long day tomorrow.

Happy Easter People. Be Blessed!

Happy Easter

2009-04-11T09:21:00.002+08:00

It's another busy weekend. Having classes alone makes weekend busy. What more, slipping in all the activities before or after classes. That makes me, gonna be superbly exhausted by tomorrow night.

I wanted to go to a church for Good Friday but in the end I didn't, as most churches don't have services on Friday, unlike the East Malaysia, it's a public holiday and not here. A friend went to a RC church and didn't know the service lasted for 4 hours. If it's me, by 2nd hour, probably i've already fall asleep. And the church from East that has a branch here, service at 8pm night. So, i've class till 9.30pm, I've cell at 8.30pm. So, I went straight to cell after class. But I did fast for Good Friday. Like woke up at 8.30 just to eat breakfast.

It wasn't a busy week as we're having break. The Intensive Revision starts today, meaning, I'll be superbly busy with studies. Errr, I can try to be busy with books. Haha. I'm not so passionate to sit for exam this year, but at the same time, I want to do it. Hmmm... it's been a long time that I'm not really passionate in something.

Errr.... i want a camera. I want to learn (read: play) how to take photograph. Whatever i learnt from Photography Club in High School, already lost in space. haha. But, by the time I no longer studying, probably i'll be busy working. Hmmm.

Stress-Less

2009-04-06T20:36:00.005+08:00

Sigh. Exam in 11 weeks time and I'm still taking my time slowly. Is it because I know I have another option if I fail this. Option of doing something else or redo it again next year.

Darn.... I need to be in stress. May be I should mix with people in stress.

I'm not progressing well in my revision.... but... I'm not in stress.

I've bought supplies of nescafe 3-in-1, instant noodles and Chicken essence.

I didn't study the whole day today and still sleep 10 hours per day. sigh...

How to cure the pig-ness in me?

Some more went through my boxes and books and notes to look for my Year 2 notes to help a junior. Bleahhhh....

K... i'll try to study....

got this fr london. so yummy. where can i get this here?
must be freaking expensive.
the big pack of M&Ms i bought, cost 1.80 pound. In msia, cost RM20+

It's April

2009-04-01T11:17:00.002+08:00

Yes, and it's 3 more months to EXAM. darn. i'm not even 10% covered yet. And this is only the first round of revision. Yucks. How how how? During LLB, i'm so confidence I can cover my syllabus. This time... i'm so much slack. so relax and slack. some more have activities plan ahead. grrr...

ty, daph ask when go clubbing. She say next week? muahahaha....

K... i just feel like updating. Haha.

I've got class today. Ciao!

The hOUr

2009-03-29T01:00:00.003+08:00

At first I thought I want to go somewhere to have dinner with candle lights, but our beloved lecturer (beloved cause he jokes and let us go earlier) let us go at 6pm instead of 7pm. So we went to Nando's. Just as we expected, they will switch off the lights at 8.30pm and use candles.

So we ate, while the lights were on. We cabut right before 8pm, and we all rushed back home as we have further plans. Daph planned to go shopping with her brother and Siew Li and Me rushed back to enjoy the hour. So I drove home like mad driver, cause I want to switch ON the lights so that I get to switch them off at the strike of 8.30pm. Just in time, 5 minutes before 8.30pm, I arrived home and turn on all lights. Just to mark the hour. Hurriedly i prepare my phone to video the KLCC and KL tower switch off their lights and went to hunt for candle.

So, everything was switched off and I lighten up the candles, placed them at the balcony and enjoy the moment. I didn't switch on anything, except for my freezer still on. and also radio. So, the hour without facing the computer, I tidied the house a bit in the dark and the rest of the time, I was busy lighting up the candles which went off by the wind.

So, what is the significance? I dunno. Just to let people know that I'm aware of the Hour. And I believe, the awareness towards saving the earth can start by switching off the lights for an hour. Although it doesn't save so much of the electric, but it creates the awareness among people.

Right... I need to go to sleep. 5 hours lecture again tomorrow. Long Day. I had great time today. Thanks people! Nights!

28.03.09

2009-03-28T02:00:00.004+08:00

It happen....

Situation 1.
Yesterday we went to Tenji Japanese Buffet Restaurant. Inside was quite packed as people lined up to enter since some 10 minutes ago while we busy taking picture outside. During the meal, I went to the drink corner to get some coconut. When I arrived, I saw two line. Me, the second one on the right queue, and darren was the first in the left line. Behind him, there was a guy. So, that made me the 4th. But the guy behind me let me have the coconuts first. Hmmm, how nice.

Situation 2.
I went to the Bank this afternoon, to withdraw money. So there were two ATM Machine. Both occupied with people but nobody's behind them, so I went to queue on the 2nd Machine. Then came a girl, queue up on the 1st Machine. Who knows, the guy in front of me turtle and the guy at the 1st Machine done with his transaction. The girl behind him, tap me softly, asking me to go first with the 1st Machine. I told her it's alright but she still insist. How nice. I smiled at her as thank you.

Hmmm, I find it weird cause recently my experience with people queuing up and courtesy is really bad, and people has no decency at all. Sorry to say, all this bad experience was in the BAC. Not only guys, ladies also cut queues. WTH. There was once I stared fiercely at the girl who cut the queue into the lift, and I rush in to sort of fight with her for the last space in the lift. Of course, she need to step out. Muahahaha. Queue up lah people, have some decency.

While a lot of friends complained about this, probably the minority of the people there doesn't care about what others think. Not even simple courtesy may be. A friend got pissed after toilet break as someone tried to cut her queue and after being told, that person still acted like a b*tch. If this happens western country, the guys would probably drag this cut queue people to the back or simply yell at them. Again, if these people who used to cut queue happen to be in the western countries, i bet they act nicely there, queue and wait. How different!

On the other hand, it's Earth Day (Hour?) today and tomorrow, 27th and 28th. And on 28th, in supporting the WWF, we got to switch off our lights from 8.30 pm to 9.30pm. What am I going to do? What are you going to do? Support? Me alone using 2 lights the whole night. So, I probably contribute a bit to the use of electric. I plan to go to some restaurant that supports the Earth Day so that I can experience dining with candles without the lights. Hmm...

Ikea Brochure

Right.... I'm going back to sleep. Have a blessed weekend! As for me and fella coursemates, Happy Sitting Long hours in Lectures. Haha!

Jet Lag

2009-03-26T05:19:00.003+08:00

It's 5am now and I'm still up. Grrr... i want to sleep but i'm not sleepy. Jet Lag? May be? or May be because of the nap that i took this afternoon, which, i overslept and in the end didn't go to the afternoon class.

I had weird dream, dream of the same kind that i had during the flight back to Malaysia. Probably I haven't transit from the fast pace in London to slow and steady back at home. Yea, i dreamt of things moving very fast around me and me being tensed. Probably because while in London, I need to take care of my parents and be that tour guide. I must know where is the tube station, which one we're going to, which station to change and which line to take. Where shall we go, where is that place, which tube station is the nearest so that my mom doesn't need to walk so much. I need to know all this before hand. In the plane flying back here, i still dream of tube station. People were moving very fast!

So, I got up in the evening and get ready to go class. I took the highway, cause i know the normal way would be jam. I didn't see the signboard so i took the normal way to TY's house, which i thought would lead me to KL. Norpe. I didn't see any KL sign. From Damansara, to Ara Damansara, to Subang to USJ Heights, landed me at the Kinrara Highway to Bukit Jalil, and then to City. Took me freaking an hour and plus. Stupid. I know i should have just go back or turn to somewhere instead of going to class, cause when i reach the class, it's another hour to go. I walked into the class pretend that I came from the toilet or something, not the have it written on my face "i was late!!!". I walked past allen and he says "you better don't come then". -___-'''

I came to class, cause I want to meet the people. Haha. stupid one hour, most of the time i tried to pay attention, but instead, we were giggling and catching up.

Now, I suppose to run some errand tomorrow morning, which is later, few hours time. But not sure now. haha.

I've just transferred all the photos I took during the trip and it's more than 1000 photos. I'll just need time to filter.

So, now, i'll try to go to sleep. Nighty nights.

I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to see you again. I'm glad, there are people waiting for me to come back. God Bless you!

Took this on the way to BAC in the evening.

The Acknowledgment

2009-03-25T11:34:00.001+08:00

Tell if if this worth 10pound, cause I don't have any proper photo of me on the stage. In fact, i think, none!

21.03.09

2009-03-22T04:42:00.000+08:00

Since i can't login to FB, so I came here to update a bit about me here. The keyboard of the PC is not the standard US keyboard so i'm gonna make it short here. either that, i'll just ignore all the typo error and just type it out fast.

First two days in LOndon, we still have jet lag because of time difference. I slept throughout the journey, woke up just to eat and then continue to sleep. probablz because i ddinät have enough sleep fro the past few nights before leaving to london. the drinking and the lack of sleep plus classes gave me a good sleep throughout the 13 hours in the plane. when we almost arrive London, i was like.... can we flz for another 10 hours so that i can sleep more?

(the z and y on the keyboard is terbalik... and a lot of other signs)

it's not that cold in london, except that when thereäs wind. the first night i was in london, anson called and scolded me, how come i didnät let him know Iäm coming over to UK. Thanks to ty, he called and the next daz, he came over to meet up with me. His friends came to shop and he accompanied me with parents to Harrods then dinner with keet.

the graduation ceremonz was great. the ceremonz itself was alright, but what makes me excited was being able to meet friends.

so, now iäm in paris. going back to london tomm. caänt wait, cause itäs freaking cold here.

k... gotta stop now, cause the kezboard is torturing me. shall scrap this post off when i go back home and have proper post.

in the mean time, take care. miss you poeple. Ty, say hi to daph. tell her... i thought of texting her but i don have her number in my phone. haha. lousy me. hahahaha. oh ty, i canät text now. left 1 pound credit. but itäs okaz. iäm going back alreadz mondaz night.

buhbye

Time pass slowly please

2009-03-10T03:40:00.003+08:00

I slept like 13 hours last night, after 3 days of classes. It's like non-stop classes, from Friday night, to Saturday morning till evening, to Sunday morning till 2pm. Crazey. I always wish if we can have caravan here, so that I can park it right outside the college. Haha.

I feel like cooking when I woke up this morning, so in the noon, I went out for lunch plus groceries shopping. See, I don't normally talk about lunch and groceries shopping, but today, it was public holiday and I didn't expect that it jammed all the way from the main road into the car park. Absolute crazy! And inside the mall, it was packed with people that I have to walk slowly. grrr. Who says it's recession now and here and we gotta start saving up?

So I cooked pasta at night and it was kinda bad. Normally it is good, but probably because it's been a year since the last time i cooked pasta, so, everything is out of proportionate. I poured too much of milk that it looks like as if I'm cooking soup. The cooking oil has expired and the only thing that I have in the fridge is vegetable spread. So, haha, the food sucks!

Anyways, I have class again tomorrow. Just rested for a day and I feel like I didn't do anything. bleh.

How are you lately...

07.03.09

2009-03-07T01:01:00.004+08:00

It was one of the nights where I'm feeling so empty. Was driving back from class and don't know what am I doing. It was Friday and I know, I need to be in my cell, so I went. I didn't want to do anything but to sit among people whom once close to me, still, now. I just want to sit there and be in my own world while someone is sharing. And I was hoping that the sharing last forever cause I don't feel like doing anything else but to just enjoy the moment of 'being home'.

My mind flew back to the time with the ex-cell leader with ex-cell members. The cozy feeling of having each other, the sense of security and belonging that i look forward every week. Not that I don't feel it now, it's because I'm not heavily active in others' life and also the cell and the church, and they're not really in my life now. Suddenly I thought of the times where my cell leader being my big buddy. AT times where I stone in cell, she always knew something is wrong with me. And she knew it how to differentiate between the troubled face and the boring face, cause I'll just stone. Though I don't tell her a lot of things, whether I'm going through hard time or not, she'll just know it and always, say the right thing. I really miss those time, be weak and cry over her shoulder, throw all the burden aside and just let it be. And now,I know, I have to stand on my own.

I'm so lost, I told Celest. Though i don't feel like seeing anyone, or talking even, I went to cell, i told her. My thoughts are every where, I can't even explain to her how am I lost. I can't help but tears just fly out when Celest pray for me. I am really so tired.

But I still need to continue on, keep going on, persevere and hang in there. I am strong, as I always will, and I will be.

ps: Thanks for the text tonight. You'll never know how touched I was. I sang that song by myself all the way back home just now, with the radio on. Miss you loads :)

The Appeal

2009-03-06T03:24:00.004+08:00

I was doing my reading while clicking on random blogs that i came across this. A letter of appeal from a citizen to the Politician, taken from a full page advert in The Star newspaper on 26th Feb 09. It just amazes me how far this person went to reach out to our government (it cost him more than Rm36,000). I wonder whether the Politicians just laugh about it or bury their face somewhere because of shame. It's sort of like a big slap on their face, telling them not to lost focus on what they suppose to do.

The Letter ...

Dear Malaysian Politicians,

Please stop the power chase, call for a truce and focus on the economy.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all Malaysians, but I have strong convictions that many share my sentiments.

Our concern today is not who rules the country or heads the state governments but the looming bad economy.

Whether Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat leads, it is meaningless if Malaysians have no job to go to, no money to pay rent and no means to put food on the table.

I am a business owner, like other business owners and managers of corporations I have a responsibility to ensure people under my care and payroll continue to have jobs and a decent income to take home. We work hard and willing to go the extra mile to make sure our nation not only survive this crisis but come out stronger and wiser. We need your help.

Let me explain. I am in the business of Training, Development and Consultancy and have 20 people in my team.

Saedah is 42. She keeps the office clean and helps organise the training rooms. She has four children and her husband is unemployed. She was first hired on a part time basis, because she is very hard working and has a great attitude, we offered her a full time job to help provide a stable income for her family. Even then, when her third child started school this year, it was a struggle for her to buy new school uniforms and other necessities. Saedah lives on a ‘kais bulan, makan bulan’ basis, so, if she is jobless, her tap runs dry.

Samsuri is 27 years old. He lives with his sister and her family in a low cost government flat in Sunway. He does our despatch, helps with various clerical works and occasionally acts as a driver. During the first week at zubedy, we learned that he not only did not have money to buy new clothes and shoes for work, he had no money for lunch. Like Saedah, if he has no job, his tap runs dry too.

Alicia in Client Servicing turns 26 this year. She lives with her dad who is 71 years old and retired. Her mom passed away when she was little. Alicia is a hard-working team member, has a gentle caring outlook and fun to be with. (We like to poke fun at her as she blushes easily). Last May her dad went through a major operation, thank God he has recovered well. Alicia needs a job, both for herself and her dad.

Sudesh, 38, is one of our facilitators. When his father passed away last year, he moved back and lives with his mother in Seremban. He shuttles between Kuala Lumpur and Seremban daily, leaving home sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and returning late at night. He is no stranger to hard work and sacrifice, he knows what he needs to do to survive and to care for his mother, but he too needs a job.

Like fellow Malaysians, every one of us in zubedy needs employment, those that live from hand to mouth like Saedah and Samsuri and others like Alicia and Sudesh with family to care for. We Malaysians need the Malaysian economy to be strong. We need you, our leaders, to work hard and to work together to make our economy viable.

So this is my plea.

Pakatan Rakyat, please stop your attempts to take over the federal government and persuade BN’s lawmakers to join you. Stop all legal proceedings, no more 916 and let go, just let go. The nation can wait till the next general elections if they want change. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and gracious and give you their support in the next elections.

Barisan Nasional, please stop any attempts to take over PR states and win over PR’s lawmakers. You have proven your point with Perak. The nation can wait for the next general elections if they want your party. Focus all your talent, energy and hard work in steering the country out of an economic downturn. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and smart and give you their support in the next elections.

BN and PR! Call for a truce. Get together and compromise. Someone has to give in. Or has hate consumed your heart till it blinds you? You can do it. You have enough intelligent people between you. I am sure you can find solutions. Take the nation to heart. That is why you are in politics in the first place.

Focus on the people.

Focus on the economy.

Anas Zubedy
Managing Director
Zubedy (M) Sdn Bhd

Blessed are the peacemaker, for they shall inherit the earth. May God bless Anas Zubedy, that he may be a blessings to people around him, and inspire the others about what we can really do now, instead of crying over things that we don't have in control.

Just Us

2009-02-28T20:19:00.006+08:00

The evening before my brother left Sydney to go back home to work, he suggested that we visit the Apple Centre in town the next day morning. The shop opens at 8.30, so we need to walk from hotel at 8am, which means I need to wake up at 7.30am. 7.30am is like 4.30am Malaysia time? Well, during the holidays in Australia, I need to drag myself out of the bed every day at 8.30am, which is 5.30am in Malaysia and in Malaysia, I wake up at 11am.

George St. at 8am

But well, this particular morning, I woke up early, cause i couldn't sleep well. Cause I know, brother is leaving to go back home to his little family and start working that evening. So, I was up early and my both brothers were up too. So, we walked to the Apple Centre for 25 minutes.

Burger King or Hungry Jacks

See, it's not really about the Apple Centre, which 3 of us have the same common thing, going to computer store and stroll around. We used to do this on Saturdays, when I was back in hometown and when elder brother is free from work. It's more about, the time we have together, just the three of us.

I dunno why i took this :p

I let the guys walked in front, while me, busy taking picture, and of course, enjoy the moment of seeing the two guys walking together and chatting away and being able to see my elder brother physically.

~~The church~~ City Hall

My elder brother and I are very close since young. We went classes and lessons together. We fought of course and held our hands to sleep when we're afraid. And now, having to spend personal time together is really limited, with him having a wife now, and younger brother and I constantly try to get his attention. It's never been enough...

It's TGV - The Galeries Victoria

Queens Victoria Building, the mall that we went the most.

Sydney Tower, at 8.15am

So, here we are, at the Apple Centre of Sydney. Crazy 4 floors centre. I thought, which crazy poeple come to the shop to buy gadgets early in the morning. But true enough, the person that went in together with us, bought a bluetooth headset and a daddy with the daughter came to buy a macbook.

The Apple Centre, with transparent stairs.

Just half an hour there, we walked back to hotel again. On the way, dad called to wake us up, but to their surprise, we're up and ready already! And mom and dad were like "where did ya'll go??" We just smiled :)

I miss the time of 3 of us together, whoops.... 4 actually, including sister in law, no.. 5, including lil sister. haha. When am I going to Sydney again?

ps: I wrote a sad post at first, but wanted to be happy, so I wrote about my brothers, but it turned out to be an emo post >.<

20.02.09

2009-02-20T21:22:00.003+08:00

I figured I need to spill something out. Not sure what, nothing in particular to talk about, I just know, I need to type something, to express something out, so here am I in my blog.

It's been a while, it has been roller coaster since the beginning of the year. Last year ended well I can say, I greeted the new year with fresh hope and new perspective of how I want to live my life this year. It's not easy, to let go of excess baggage from last year and bring along only the necessary things in life to move on to the new year. But yet, the new year will still come and wait for no one. So, I hopped on to the bus, leaving the unnecessary things and move on.

What perspective that I've changed. I really don't know. I just know, I need to be happy. I figured that I've lost the glow on my face, that happy-go-lucky glow, that glow that able to bring a smile on the face of strangers, that kind of glow that people would like to see, that kind of glow that draws people to you. I used to be a sunshine girl, but now, I really don't know.

As bored as life can be, I tried to colour it up with different colours. Been meeting old friends and new friends for the past two weeks, catching up with life that we didn't get to share, digging out all stories, especially the sad part and the struggles. Went to catch some movies and did some exercise. Life has been good lately, well, I tried to.

I want to find back my glow, to be the sunshine once again.

I'll be on a trip again, in 3 weeks time, to a place that I've known since young. It's a mixture of feeling, sad and happy. I still regret, for I missed the bus 2 years ago, and also one year ago. Life move on yea, but that doesn't beat a dream that I had for more than 20 years. I know, life is not just about that one little dream, and there is more in life than that one little dream. And probably I haven't even seen the real world yet, and probably that dream is only some dream. Only those that understand this, understands me.

Whether I have a chance to live that dream, I really don't know. But this dream, is still, one of the thing that I'm carrying along.

It was my bro's idea.
Taken in the park at Darling Harbour, Sydney.
It felt so peaceful, to lie down on the green green grass.
Look up and the sun is right on top.
Reminds me of, green pasture, Psalm 23.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T11:14:00.004+08:00

saw this outside the airport when I just arrived from Tawau back to KK.
Not sure what kind of advert or notification is that.
I wonder whether anyone wud get the first page of
the main newspaper to confess his/her love.

Oh well, we're flooded with occasions since the beginning of the year, full with buying gifts, sending over and receiving gifts. And now, another day to celebrate the love. A lot of people, especially the couples don't celebrate this day as it is a commercialised day, and they don't need this day to celebrate their love. they can celebrate love everyday of their time together. But for singles, we really need this day. haha. if we buy gifts for friends on any other day (other than special occasions), it would be really weird. So, to all singles, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

Happy Niu Year

2009-01-30T23:52:00.001+08:00

It doesn't feel like Chinese New Year this time, as usually, the family spend CNY back in mom's hometown till 5th or 6th day. This year, we had a short trip as we have to come back to attend cousins' weddings. Short trip, but enough to make it memorable.

So now, I'm back in KK again, and it's more like wedding celebrations + party + meeting/catching up with friends, rather than CNY celebrations. Attended one wedding yesterday and another one tomorrow, and i run out of dresses. Bleh. Either i recycle (which i don't mind) or I'll go for quick shopping to hunt for dress.

A very close friend came back again from Perth and the last time we've met was 5 months ago, after 8 years. 8 years of no contact with each other, and somehow friendster brought us together again. haha. So, we met up every night since I'm back in KK, catch up on each other's life, even during movies, we talked about other stuff. yea, i know, we should have just go to a coffee shop and talk all we want. haha.. what happen to us for the past 8 years, there's a lot to talk about. haha.

Anyways, for now, Happy Niu Year!! May God bless ya'll abundantly, guiding you wherever you go, giving you all the wisdom that you need in life and May good health, good life, good career/studies be upon you. And please don't listen to the horoscope. they're all crap. it says everything is bad for people who is born in the year of Dog, so, that means I don't need to live? haha.... crap!!

So, good night!

Hello 2009

2009-01-15T22:39:00.004+08:00

It's been 2 weeks since the new year, and I'm quite settled down after the holiday and christmas-new year break. Back in classes and still busy tidying up the house. Anyways, it was a great holiday, just spending time with bro and wifey. Dad says we had this trip just to check out the newly wed couple and see how are they settling down.

Well, shops were closed on Christmas Day and some on Boxing day, so we gotta buy groceries before the day and cook our own.

There's no where to go, around the neighbourhood, so we just stayed at home and play, Scrabbles. Our cheeky lil brother complained how unfair is it, as all of us are uni graduates and my bro and wife are working, there's no way he can beat us... yah dah yah dah... but who knows, he won. Highest point!! blehh..

Boxing day, we had opportunity to fly in a 4 seater plane. Lil bro, newly appoined co-pilot, flew us for a while like half an hour, until he got noxious and the plane went up and down like car going through bumps on the road. hahaha.. there is not air cond inside and the window's up. so, it was a bit stuffy. I almost throw out, and kept telling myself, we're gonna land soon, we're gonna land soon. so, tahan till we landed. haha...

The post christmas sales in crazy were crazy. we just went around town, walk and walk and walk, until we're really hungry and went to one of the japanese restaurant and we still need to wait for 25 minutes to get a table. We bumped to a teacher of mine from high school a few days later in this same restaurant. How cool! haha...

Anyways, we really had great time, especially that we had our sister in law to ourselves without brother around for 2 days, and then just brother without sister in law for 4 days. They had different shifts, but all good. If not, they'll just busy paktoh by themselves and abandon us.

More photos, check out my FB. right now, just me and the happy thoughts. Probably will blog about new year resolution sometime later.

Cheers!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-23T19:58:00.005+08:00

If I were to describe my year with a box of colour pencil, i would say, this year, 2008, is filled with different type of colour, resembling, different phase of life and the ups and downs. It didn't start off well, as it was the final semester of my law degree. While not depending so much on the lecturer, i have force myself to self-study and hence, landed myself with 43 marks for family law. haha.

I would say, the greatest achievement in life so far, is graduating LLB with a second lower division. Even until now, i still think that it's a big miracle, not that I don't have confidence, not that I don't believe in myself, but just the percentage of people passing is low, what more with a second lower division. it still hasn't sink in yet, that I graduate my LLB and my college is still KDU (living in self-denial i guess... haha). Graduating my 1st degree is not as happy as graduating my 2nd degree, and my parents, still happy till now :)

And to mark another chapter of my life, is the addition of the new member into my family, my sister in law. WE're 5 now. What's more fun, I get to do girl stuff like what sisters do.

While trying to adapt to new environment of studies and the fact that I'm not able to go UK for bar/master, I bought new to keep myself happy. A voilin and a psp.

yea, her name is Carmen

Looking back, how silly I was, thinking of things that I don't have which makes me unhappy. Human just never learn to be contended in life and keep looking at things that we don't have. Quoting Ps Daniel Tan on his message during the last Resonate Service, "don't keep looking at the hole but look at the CHEESE". A lot of times, we keep complaining on the holes of the cheese and not changing our perspective and view, that other than the hole, there's also REAL cheese around the hole.

I am so contended, in God, I thank Him, for all the blessings He gave me.
(okay. photos later as I'm blogging from Australia. Yupp, in Australia now, currently in NSW. Love it here. update later).

So people, Merry Christmas!!! Joy to the World, for the Lord has come!!

Drawing Class

2008-10-23T23:49:00.003+08:00

It didn't start out well. Before we experience it ourselves, we were given bad impression about it. Not sure if it's the bad perception that I had, or it's really the truth, but I know, it's not gonna be an easy way.

On our very first class, the lecturer welcomed us "Welcome to hell!!". -__-

Sometimes when I'm bored in class, I'll make some sketches on the notes or book, but never get to draw so much, as much as much as now.

After 6 weeks, one subject finished its syllabus and another 2 half way done. And I, only finish reading half of the syllabus of the first subject.

Sad. while struggling with this, I'm still thinking whether this is the way that it should be. I've missed the train 3 times, and I start to think, I am really a failure in planning for myself. or should i say, i don't even know how to plan for myself. I remember uncle N said, do and decide things based on your own conviction, not others opinion/suggestion/whatsoever. But, whatever plan that i have, it will be crush down. It make me start to think that, I'm no good in this, can't even decide for myself. All I can do, which I'm good in it, is sit down and cry, later pick myself up and continue on walking the way I should be.

Is CLP the only option? While it is the perception that girls should get married when they're in the age of 28 and everyone will start panicking if girls still not married at the age of 30, While it is the perception that we should start earning money at my age and not still depending and relying on parents for money, it sank into me that if i take a gap year, i would graduate as a lawyer at the age of 30.

Now, i dare not dream, dare not think. I can only think, of what I should do now. I'm not brave enough to crush the wall, not strong enough to prove the world that what I've decided is the best way. I dare not look far and plan, for so many things just pull me down and prevent me to fly higher. I always want to be outstanding, for i think life is not just about going along the flow, graduate, work, get married and have kids. But now I start to think, my dream, is far from reality. Not in terms that I cannot achieve it, but it seems unreachable.

I don't want to be anything other than me.

01.10.08

2008-10-01T14:27:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since the last time I update my blog. Not that I'm terribly busy, not that I've nothing to talk about.

It's been 3 weeks since CLP classes started, and it wasn't a good month. I felt i had been roller coaster of emotion since the beginning of the year. The 360 degree was during the month of May and June, and the up and down during month of July and August, calm and steady end of August and up and down again in September. Well, I'm quite burnt out actually. While probably it doesn't appear on my face, we still need to look forward and keep walking right?

I was looking through the settings of the blogspot.com, trying to figure out how to shut down my blog, since, I don't really blog, why should i keep it. Freedom of speech and expression doesn't really exist, while laws can't protect us, social pressure also became of the the "laws". The line between law and morality is still very blur, hence, I can't really talk much, but to reserve my posts to draft.

I'm slowly loosing a lot of parts of me, into becoming someone that i barely recognise. not to exagerate but, being cautious about my action/words just because some people doesn't like it instead of trying to be a better person is really tiring. Instead of being confident with myself, I'm slowly think very low of me. I really miss, being me.

So, what's with closing the blog, i thought, what the heck. Just because someone might interpret my writing wrongly doesn't mean i should stop writing. I almost forgot why i start up the blog in the first place. I just hope that through my experience, some people can pick up a 10 cent, or 20 cents or 50 cents. And it's through writing, I know more about myself. I really miss, the bold and courageous me.

While transferring the posts out of this blog, from the very 1st post, i read the comment by Ty, which stopped me from doing what i was doing. It somehow lifted me up, and encouraged me again. Looking at the comments in all the posts, really, not every one of it are good ones. While we expect to get the good comments, bad comments come too. But, constructive criticism especially from people that cares, are really more than just 50 cents. Cause they care, to tell you and they care, for the friendship. I really miss, having my mentors to be my side and keep poking me.

(dad accidentally read my post while blogging and pointed out a typo error :p)

Oh well... just a piece of me.

Second Round

2008-08-30T21:24:00.003+08:00

Few days back I received a call from someone that I didn't expect, but someone that I miss all the time. We talked and laughed, about stuff, just like usual.

That night, I was surfing the net as usual, when friend messaged and said, we can check our results online.

Heart beat rising up. Hands were shaking terrible. I tried to calm down. I went to the website and saw the information that I need to fill in.

Shit, i forgot what is my candidate number.

Made a few calls, but no one kept the exam slip. Sze finally found her, and told me hers.

I made a few try, while my parents 'lectured' me for not remembering my number.

Who would remember the number??

While over the phone with sze, webcam with yeng, suddenly i got my info correct, and the next seconds, my results appeared on the screen.

No 30+
No 30+
No 30+
No 30+

Award : Second Honours (Lower Division)

I jumped out of the chair and shouted. Body still shaking, i told sze what i've got. Yeng, of course heard me. The next moment, I was trying to hold my tears.

Mom ran down from upstairs, kept asking how is my result. I tried to hold my tears, but can't help it. Mom saw me kept wiping my tears.

She failed? Mom asked,
Noo..., dad
Huh? SHe failed ahh???
NOo... she passed!!!
Huh... She failed is it???
NO woh!!! She passed already!!!

After all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, I finally made it.

Thank YOU,
for all the encouragement, advice and support
for the time together toiling and burning midnight oil,
for all the study group together be it ikea, library, the discussion room or the cafeteria, the discussion and arguments, made a better me...
for the notes and tips that we shared (allowed me to day dream or go fishing during lecture)
for lending me all the notes whenever I missed classes, for preparing notes and books for me, (I know how terrible lazy and spoilt I am having you take care of me),
for taking the blame for not paying attention in the class (sorry!!!),
for being so selfless in studies and revision,
most importantly, thank you, You, YOu and yOU for being a great friend!!!

Above all, I thank God, for the miracle! I'm wearing mortar board, again! haha...

Finally

2008-08-18T22:53:00.002+08:00

I'm home again.

Was on the way back from the airport just now when suddenly, i feel the calmness in me. Hmm, something which is not familiar since I was busy for the past 2 months. The last 2 weeks was roller coaster but all good. Indescribable.

So, I'm going to enjoy my 2 weeks holiday, REAL holiday. No phone calls, no errands to be done, no appointment, nothing. I'm just gonna stay at home, and be lazy.

The highlight of the month is, my elder brother is married. the wedding day was great, apart from the stress that i almost cried, apart from all the hiccups during the dinner at night, it was all good. In between the wedding celebration, the siblings and newly adopted half sibling, Ruth and I went to Penang for visit. Then the wedding dinner at KL, which was great as well. No hiccups and we all enjoyed ourselves. It's amazing looking at the story of the newly wed couple, how God work in their life and how God brought them together.

Will try to post some pictures. Excluding photos from the professional photographers, we combined all the pictures that we took ourselves and altogether is it about 1000 photos. So, need some time to look through it and post them.

Till then, have a great week!
God Bless!

Half

2008-07-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

it's always half empty.

maybe i'm living with perfectionist, that i can't live up to their standard.

it's always half empty glass.

why can't you see that it's half full?

everyday there's always something to complain about.

the day is not crooked, the plant is watered, the food is cooked on the table, the bills are paid, the cars always with filled with oil. what is missing here?

3 months ago....

oh come one. give me a break. things that happened 3 months ago and still not solved?

5 years ago....

what??!! 5 years ago and you still dig it out???

i still can't find my way, the kind of life i want to lead, the values i want to hold on to in life and the life principle that is non-negotiable.

as i'm still staying under parent's roof, and a quarter century old, I'm not totally involved in the society yet. I'm covered, protected and hence, have that perfect idea of how i want my life to be. but yet, everything went wrong when i come back home.

Forgive others as God forgives you. No, i can't see that. People hold grudges.
Love is patient. No, love is selfish.

On one hand, i'm giving up on the values that i thought i'm going to live on. But on the other hand, I wanted to make a difference. to live a different life, from what the adults has showed. I know no one is perfect, but we do live towards perfection, to be better each day.

I still don't believe and never want to live the life like them, to hold grudges, doesn't want to let go, to live each day taking for granted the person sleeping next to you, or even person in the same house under the same roof, or life that you're investing. I don't want to bring on the excess baggage each day as I get older each year.

Life is too short to hold grudges on people. But too bad, not many people appreciate this.

I forgot

2008-07-09T19:20:00.003+08:00

I miss being happy.

Do whatever I want.

Be however I want.

Don't need to according to situation and man's face expression.

Don't need to think and rethink of what to say and how to say all the time.

Don't need to keep begging people to get things done.

Don't need to do things that is not even my problem at first.

I really miss, being happy.

Sad

2008-06-29T15:36:00.002+08:00

This view was the very first image I see when we arrived Redang the other day. Saw this sad coconut tree all alone. You may disagree with me, that the tree looks outstanding among the trees there. Some people say, the way you interpret the picture depends on your state of emotion. A view of a sun half way down/up by the sea, could be interpreted as sunset, a pessimistic thinking, but it could be optimistic too, that the sunset awaits for the next sunrise marks the new day and new beginning. Well, when I took the picture of the tree, I was happy, cause we're in the island for holidays but i still think that it's a sad tree.

I still think that it's a sad tree now.

I'm home

2008-06-16T20:25:00.003+08:00

I came home, With a reluctant heart. I know, this time it's not gonna be easy for me. tonnes of work waiting for me, heavy burden waiting to change shoulder. When the plane touches the airport, i still wish that the plane take a U-Turn and fly me back to KL. I know, this not gonna be easy.

As i came home, i was given a to do list. Virtual list. List that i cannot imagine how long. After the hard work of studying for 5 months non-stop, i just hope that i have my life back. Not that i don't want to have a life, but, do i have the choice now? As night comes, I stay up trying not to sleep, fear of the next day, and when i wake up the next day, i try to sleep back, for trying to run away with all the responsibilities that were thrown to me. But well, at least, i still can hear loved ones calling/sms-ing and say hi and ask me how am I, which i look forward all the time, to ease that stress.

I'm so glad i took 2 weeks off after the exam before coming back home. I really miss the time there. I really miss it.

At Redang

At Kenyih Lake (don go there!!). Lousy place nothing to see. the room was great. BIG toilet.
Service was bad. slow as snail. Good companion, great time.

2 days

2008-05-12T03:06:00.002+08:00

I know i am siao cha boh. Was advised by mr lil lecturer to read International Trade for Commercial Law. So, i came back home, printed the notes out and pass midnight just now then only i start reading. I've never read this topic before, I've never attended class on this before, in fact, this subject i self-study. so, tell me if i'm crazy. but i've done my memorising for this subject, so, just add one in case.

well, all i need is to pray right. God will bless me. Just that, to be on the safe side, i better add one more topic in my hand, then will be more confident. what kind of bullet attack me also i can counterfeit back. Amen yea! haha....

K, i better go sleep. Nights everyone!

5 Days to Exam

2008-05-09T21:43:00.001+08:00

hmm.... in the midst of lil break before continue working. Yes, it's 5 days to my exam. Doing good so far, memorising cases and pumping in as much as i can. Just a bit weird as i don't feel the exam stress. maybe i've studying consistently. Just memorising, I used up 2 days to memorise one chapter. How slow!

Anyway, some of the friends going to finish their exam in an hour time, some just finished one paper, and some like me, haven't start exam yet. Can't wait!! in the midst of preparing for exam, we're planning for holidays!! hahahhaa.... can't wait.. can't wait!!

K.... gottta continue eat my notes!

To those sitting for exam, All the best!!

Oh, ignore the names bottom. those are jurists names which i need to memorise. >.< Notice there were 2 Johns. If onlynthe others name John as well, hahaha...

03.05.08 - Part II

2008-05-03T20:41:00.002+08:00

It's Saturday again. Today was a not-so-good day but still glad and rejoice. It's always that on saturday that I'm quite down in the mood. Most probably because i've been attending church service alone, for the past few weeks. If I see any familiar faces, i'll sit next to them. If not, i'll sit by myself. But today, I next to an uncle who doesn't pay attention during praise and worship. Hmm. The projector was "attacked" a few times and the computer went blue screen and the uncle "eh, physical memory....". K, he was singing while looking around, which annoyed me. And on my right side, an auntie who kept shaking her the whole time. She shaked every few minutes,shaked until the body shakes and i can feel the vibration, and it made me dizzy.

I can't help but to think, why am i alone again. Really, no one will know if i don't attend church. I can't help to think back what I've gotten for the past 8 years here in I know i've been missing in action for the past 3 years. Not sure whether i was too busy with my work that i've forgotten about investing in people, therefore i'm quite alone. No, i'm not being self-sympathy. But that's quite sad, and i can't help but crying during the praise and worship. with all the noise of the drum and the electric guitar, it just sanked in and i just stood there trying to sing along. But it was good, just being me and me.

It's been a while, and i'm now feeling the exchaustion. I can't wait to go back home, and to be myself. Just tired leaving up to expectation of people, trying to be the person that others want me to be. And all the disappointment that i get, making me tired. I know, it's my life huh. But we're in a community connected so much to each other that we couldn't really do what we wanted to do.

So, i went pasar malam just now. Pasar malam has been great for the past few weeks. the only place that i go to walk around and relax. can't wait for exam to be over. i'll buy all the food that i want to eat and walk as long as i want.

ciao. back to studies.

take care people!!