Thankful

Despite all the things that happened, I just want to thank Him for His mercy and love. Can't be more than grateful now, for all that He has done. God didn't promise a smooth and easy life but He promised He will be there for us. And I'm thank ful

*listening to Teman Sejati by Juwita Suwito

Our D eep est Fe ar

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

(quotes by by Mari anne William son)

Tangled

It is said and known, in between picking up the sword and strike or defence yourself and picking up the glass to reach a covenant or understanding, it is so much to just pick up the sword and to defend yourself when the enemy is right in front of you. Be it the enemy or close acquaintances, friends or loved ones, how many times we pick up the sword to strike or we reach a mutual understanding.

Just last week, our client's opponent called the firm up and I picked up the phone. The moment he said hello, I know I was in deep sh*t, knowing, it's the mad person I have to face. True enough, the guy first asked about the updates in regards with his matter. And he didn't know anything about it during the last month as he has moved to another state and updated us the address, which we didn't take notice (and still send to the old address). In the end, I was scolded or blame was thrown to me, though it wasn't me who handled his file. But doesn't matter who, I just let him scold, stupidly, and in the end he slammed the phone on me.

I didn't feel anything about it. We, sometimes, encounter all this nonsense people and whether we allow ourselves to be affected by them, is our choice. Later on, when my boss was around, just out of lack of conversation or the awkwardness of silence in the working station when he was using the cubicle behind me, I just told him what happened (cause a lot of these things happened and we just report it to him, so that he knows how to handle them in future) and how I handled it. Well, he asked how did i react or response. I said, I didn't do anything. rather than going forward to reason / scold / explaining (which is not my fault at all on my part), I just kept quiet and let him finish whatever he wanted to do by calling us.

And it strike me that, my boss was saying, my method of handling these matters, rather than going front, I just step backward and have my moments, be it to look, or not to be overwhelmed, or just don't want to be affected. And what boss said or mentioned about me that, the moment people strike and I just let, people will keep striking me (in that same matter). Not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing.

It is so much easier to take the sword to just strike or defend. So much easier to just utter the words that come out from your mind when you're kinda irrational because of overwhelmed with whatever that is happening or just happened. But, I always choose not to tell or explain my stand or position in that matter, which is a disadvantage to me.

Something very saddening just happened and I'm still trying to overcome. Though I know it's a whole misunderstanding, but I still keep it to myself and hold it to myself, though it aches my heart. How I wish, an understanding of both side can be made, raise the glass and move on. Cause whatever that we had before, I have fear that it's gonna slip away, or already slipping away bits by bits. And, whether this worth what we had before, only we know. It's really, a whole, misunderstanding.

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around!

5 months and Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my last day of work, after extended the period twice, or more than that. Especially that all my bosses are super nice people to work with and to know more than just employer or acquaintances. Well, one of them annoys me very much but I enjoy complain about him until i kinda miss him if he didn't come to the office. haha.

Malacca Trip

Anyways, I went to the Land Office again this morning at Shah Alam. Just did some matter there that required less than 5 minutes of mine but the travelling to there and back to office, took me about an hour n 45 minutes altogether. crazy pack on the road. Not much to complain, I've never been to the Land Office before, so, it's an eye opener, to know things out of the ordinary.The accountable drinking sessions n the chat

Well, there's so much to sum up the whole working period this time. I really enjoy the work and the life I had during work. Happening I can say. And I will miss this for the time being, to move on back to study life, working hard for my cert to practice.

Putrajaya
Today sort of like the unofficial last day. Me and colleague keep telling the boss bout where is what, and what stationaries he should buy and shouldn't buy, how to save on office stationaries and etc etc. We were just there for 5 months and yet we're the one telling the office matter. And he keep saying "how am I gonna survive here without both of you...." haha.. At least, we leave a legacy there in the office. From para legal to clerk to PA and Secretary to Office Manager / Admin to in house IT technician and Fax Machine & Printer Technician, we did all that. we actually fix the giant printer ourselves without calling the printer guy, and also refill the toner. We actually had fun! It will be, those were the days.....

St Patrick Day at One Utama.

Anyways, I shall just say, best of luck Ms Colleague. Thank you for filling me in as I MC-ed and took leave more than you. Thank you for filling me in as well as I'm always late to work. As I always say, if there's a best employee award, you'll get No. 1 and I will be No. 2. Hehe. I will miss it working with you. Till then.. All the best!

Genting, after 14 years never been there...

Next chapter in life, here I come, with much excitement, fear and anticipation. Whatever is it, I'm rest assured, knowing, He holds the future. I look forward to it!!

Daph's Surprise Party + Dinner

k... I dunno what to say but still got photos of events / activities that I did but not published here. Prob next time. God Bless you all!

photos credit - Simon Kwong. some, the obvious non-pro ones.... are from my fon >.<

so how?

gone crazy I know. irrational you can say.

the journey there, was crazy, though we got lost. the journey back was worst. alone and afraid, as it's dark and not familiar. but knowing that u're madly worried for me, knowing that ur hugs show that u cared so much, makes it worth it all.

i'm not sure where is this heading, but i'm looking forward to... to all that possibility that I thought impossible.

A possibility

I saw you for the first time, the other day. You were walking around, mingle around with your friends. You in your suit and collar shirt just captured me.

Then, later on we were introduced. I just know your name. nothing else. But something in you, just stays in me, at least, keep me thinking.

And then we started hanging out. I get to know you. Flattered and blown away, I hope, something blossom out of this.

You, I'm looking forward to......

pre-Cny 2010

Suddenly I lost of words. Haha. Not that I don't know what to say, but just, not in the stamina to produce a post that can be read by people. Haha. probably too excited. thus, no time for really deep thoughtful thing.

Anyway, I've been partying a lot, every week!! thus appear like a zombie during the weekdays in work. No time to sleep, a lot of time to party. But I really enjoy this time. This period of time, where I've got no commitment towards anything but just my responsibility as a paralegal in the office and a daughter to my parents and be responsible to myself and some other p&c responsibilities. I got no financial commitment, relationship commitment, or other etc commitments. Probably I know, this period of few months will go very fast and I would not have time like this in future, that's why I'm enjoying it to the max.

And so, while everyone is on the way back to hometown, or already back, or waiting to go back. And yea, i'm going back, few days later. Am celebrating the first few days of CNY here in the big city, which is not my first option. This place, prob is my last choice. I miss visiting relatives and eat and chat away, hoping from one place to another place to visit. Chasing after the lion dance truck, watching lion dance performance. CNY without lion dance and fire crackers, is not CNY.

Cut the crap. Happy Chinese New Year. Gong Hei Gong Hei!!! *dong chiang dong chiang*

Take lots of angpao, eat lots of mandarin oranges and have more time bonding with family and friends. Take care! See you around!

God Bless!

06.02.2010

Took this yesterday. It was raining heavily and I was in the office, dry and cozy. It always feel contended knowing that I'm so blessed, when it's raining outside and I've a shelter to be dry. But usually, I like this spot in the office as I can look down and see people and their life. But I wouldn't stand there more than 5 seconds as it's at the main working area and there's people around. It would be weird if I stand there long and just look.

First 30 days of 2010

I'm Loving it!

Man's department

I thought plumbing is easy. I thought it's all the same sizes. I thought, just buy some connector, and that's it. Who knows.....

I didn't know there are so many kinds of connector, stopper, twister whatever u call that, and in different sizes.

My attempt to buy this few things, failed. Cause, I didn't measure the diameter of the pvc in my house. And again, I didn't know that PVC pipe also has sizes. *big sweat*

It's like asking a guy to go buy make ups. When u have no clue at all, bout the colour code of that someone he's buying for, or whether she likes brown or black mascara. urghhh.....

I will still attempt to buy and fix the pipe myself!! When it becomes a disaster (hope it will not), then only I'll get the plumber. Is there Plumbing for Dummies book? Haha.. just kidding!!

My Boss

It was quite close to lunch time when my colleague IM-ed me the websites of the food. I was in the midst of doing some letter, trying to get it down before lunch break. Just within minutes my colleague came to my cubicle and say, "it's kinda far, let's go there next time". Me, "no, we must go today!!! "(after looking at the food for a few seconds in between doing work).

20 minutes before lunch break, I let my boss sign the letter in his room while looking out giving my colleague some face expression. Suddenly my boss...
"I know you all want to go some where to eat. I see you keep looking at your watch. You all can go now and come back 15 minutes pass the working hour after lunch, or later a bit, but not so late lah yea..."

Immediately, I gave him my super sweetest smile and look at my colleague happily. Such nice boss. Then bought him some egg-tart. Hehe...

What did we have for lunch? Seafood porridge. 16 bucks per person but the stuff, is sooo much that we can't finish it. We were so full till bloated. -____-

24.01.10

Just want to update, so i thought, shall just upload some photos. Here are some, from jazz bar, called N o Bl ack Ti e, that I went, but the event on that night, nowhere near jazz.


more classic at first... with Pete Teo.. nice atmosphere, if there's wine and cute guy next to me... haha (don't get offended A!!)
then the Rolling Sixties, the lead singer played amazing harmonica. I thought all harmonica are the same, but, there's like a set of it with different key. And everytime they want to sing a new song, the guy change to another harmonica. The way he played it, I've never seen anything like that before. Talent and practise. really really good. too bad, no video of them...


Then the Entertainer ( i call them), from Japan. They are really good. Though the lead singer doesn't converse well in English, but he manage to bring the whole crowd to join them. Not everyone can do that. Not just clapping and cheering, but also respond to them and join them with their act. Amazing. The bassist on the left, is really cool... and cool!! Too bad, my phone run out of space, can't take picture with them. Manage to smile and shake hands with these people. sigh..
So then, the next day. Lunch with friends. really cool place, it's imitation of American 1970s bar. It just lack of the song machine, the one u roll coins in and pick ur songs. they have a fake one.

This just remind me of MJ's MTV....

The potraits of famous people. It's more than what I've just took. Cause don't want to run around and take photos. Just took photos from my sit. The food was good too!! I forgot what's the name of this restaurant but it's at Taipan. yea, i'm sure it's in Taipan. Haha..

It's Monday again, and it's back to work again. My weekend was awesome plus drama plus eye opener and time just flew. Gosh... Wish that i have another day of break. bleh... anyways, Have a productive week and mark your days and make is significant, as it's the last week of January. Time just pass so fast!!

Have a blessed week ahead! God bless!

16.01.2010

A lot of things happen just past 2 weeks, that I refuse to even blog. Just afraid that whatever that I'm going through / went through and some how leak out through the words I typed. here. how dangerous is it, even when it was very vague, people can just make assumptions.

This week has been a great one. Blessed and fulfilling at same time. For quite some time, I've stop blogging about what I've done and where did I go, to preserve privacy and transparency. I'm still not that bold and courageous yet to just not care what others say. but anyways....

(typed the above in the office yesterday Friday, after work, while waiting to go dinner.....and ran out before i manage to finish it...)

So, yesterday cell was great night. Though there was a bit of drama before cell, but, it was good, to catch up for just an hour, to throw all the things out and share a bit.

So, what that one thing in your life that you want God to fill it up this year?

Great Challenge

I am still in great disbelief, that the few incidents happened today, actually happened, in the country i called my home. often i heard this in other country, in another part of the world, i thought, whow, I'm so glad I live here. But now, I'm just so sad.

It was said that human are born barbarian. Their carnal nature, are, barbaric. That's why they need law to govern them. And most of the earliest law in the world, starts off with a foundation from the bible. and slowly, as the people evolves, the law also evolves, to suit the then modern world. For a long time, law and morality (or religion) has a very fine thin line in between and it often overlap. But slowly, countries with their foundation on a religion, depart their law from religion or morality. Is it good or bad? I'm not sure. looking at UK, after they depart their law from religion, years later, civil partnership came to place. To religious fanatic, of course it' s not a good thing. But to free thinker, it's their business that u're trying to interfere. For modern people, they don't mind others' business.

A lot of times, people has forgotten, that law is to govern the people, to prevent injustice and to help the weak. To have consistency and structure. to have a fair and square community (which often, it's the other way round). to have whatever u think law should be. But, to have rules and regulations or law against the freewill of people,what is the purpose of law then? Your standard of morality is different from my standard of morality. Then, according to whose standard we then should meet? take for example, sleeping around. do u think it's fair to have a law, says that we cannot sleep around? no, but by your standard of moral, u think it's not alright. so, taking in YOUR thinking, you bring in morality into law, hence, we have "u're not allow to have sex unless u're married!". So, is this a wise thinking?

So, back to today. My heart was heavy the whole day, in a prayerful heart, the whole day I was checking almost all the local online websites and keep refresh my FB and twitter to check the updates on what was happening today. I prayed like i've never did before for a loooong time. And my heart still feeling sad, of what just happened today. I'm still in great disbelief, of what they believe in. I got no comments (i'm not allowed to, no freedom of speech) but, to pray, for God's intervention and God's peace be with His people.

Till then, be careful and take care. Be wise to discern what is right and cast out rumours, that's the small part you can do, to help restore peace back this country we all call our home. May God bless Our Home!

(i am not, in anyway, against any faith or belief, opinions or views. examples above are one of the many examples. this purely, only on law and morality, a subject we did during LLB)
(no comments allowed!! NO Freedom of Speech!! Do respond by pray!!)

A change

It has been a boring week. I mean, during the day time. just this week, I think I've typed about 3 or 4 letters only. Bored eh. and online.. nothing much to see, nothing much to play.

but my nights has been great. and fulfilling. met up with my secondary school friends and one of them, my 5 years of classmate, whom i didn't met for probably 8 years at least. 3 girls sitting together and we chat away and giggle like school girls. and secondary school feels like it was just yesterday. And the chat didn't stop right there after we left. it continued on with phone calls and sms-es. after all this years, yes, there's a lot to update.

So, since it was a boring week. Me and colleague decided to wear semi-formal to work tomorrow. which i never did, even on friday, I still wear formal attire. But this week, work has been slow, probably cause it's new year. so, i decided to spice up my life. hehe.

it's weekend and I'm happy!!

till then, take care people!! Have a great weekend!!

This time, last year

It feels like dejavu. The same thing happened last year at this time, repeats itself this year, yesterday. Except that we're in different continent, communicated through the phone, did the same thing and had the same meal for dinner. How ironic. And, I was there at the airport when I just arrived when you were there to fly off to the city I've just flew back from.

The first few days of last year, I was depressed. Over something I couldn't let go for few years. Not sure if I would do it differently this year. Will this go somewhere or should I just let it go. Not sure.

It's a new year, new beginning. Like every day else, once the sun rise, it is a new beginning. This time, I want to do things differently, see things differently and priorities things.

Sigh, what I am talking about? It's New year!! Happy Blessed New Year!!

Xmas of 2009

It suppose to be a joyous occasion, for remembering the birth of Jesus Christ. A time for family get together, and christmas carols and presents. The feast and wine and family sitting around together. Yes, it's a family time.

But well, family time, can mean disaster as well. The good things come with bad things, the sweetness comes with the bitter. It's like yin and yang, or a balance u can call it.

And it suppose to be happy time, laughing out loud time, loving and being bigger heart time. And not a throw-a-fit time. It's sad to know, that at times like this, at a (supposedly) joyous moment, that sour face just appear, or anger are not managed well and tantrum are thrown. Hate to say but, respect the occasion and respect the people around you, are still one of the necessary values that are needed.

I am, trying not to get distracted. But at the same time, my heart is broken, and all I wanted to do, is try to accept the beautiful side of it and close one eye on the broken part. I just hope, time will pass without any major disaster!

I know it's suppose to be time of celebration and count my blessings, but, I can't help it, to be sadden by that fact. Not even angry but sad. sigh.

Merry Blessed Christmas people! I hope you have a great one!!!

God Bless!

19.12.09

I'm just gonna be quick on this. Not lengthy one.

I bumped to someone whom I don't want to meet, the one i mention on my previous post. Yeah, luckily, I was alert enough to turn and walk straight away, while replying SMS-es after a looong busy day. My gosh.... The running away and hiding, is really frightening, shocking and at same time thrilling. It was crazy, but thank God, yea, she didn't see me. Crazy. Shall explain more, or, just leave it here. Not important anyway...

Before I run to sleep, Thank you (Really) Old Friend!!!

Go away please!

I'm not going to disclose details. But, I just want to continue on from what I've wrote on my FB status and twitter just yesterday.

don't understand why ppl don't get it when i don't reply their sms-es for months. and still, not giving up in telling me, u're dropping by the town. salute u!

People come and go, as every day your life path cross with someone else, you share a moment, whether a crush or a click, or just plain acquaintances or working partner. And these moment may last longer, and some may just end after a few hours. Sometimes we click, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we have the same frequency, but not all the time. Sometimes we tune in the same channel, but later on, we head on to different channels. People come, and go.

And sometimes, you're stuck with this person, though there's not many things in common, but you still hang on with this person. Why i say stuck, as when the bad feelings over weigh the good feelings out of the moments, and you still want to stay that way, to be together in that moment, but at the same time you're torturing yourself by staying together, so, you're kinda stuck.

But still, bad experience, or short moments that we had before, the hurt and lost that we had before, never stop us from experiencing people. mind you, the only thing that stop you is your own fear that u keep building inside you.

But, i come to conclusion, when people come, i'll just appreciate, and when people go, i'll just need to bless them. it wasn't easy coming into this state, cause I had moments before. Moments that I don't want to let go, but people need to move on. and in between losing these moments and moving on, i went into the I'm-in-my-own-world stage. I kept myself busy, I hang out with the same group of people, but never tried to listen to what they were talking about. People busied around me, but I was stagnant in the same position for very long. It felt as if part of me is gone. And looking back, I know, i need to take care of myself, to make myself happy, to live every moment.

So, right now. I learn each day, from the past, on how to improve and be better in the moments. How not to repeat the same mistake, and how not to throw myself in a way that will hurt me. No, i'm not keeping myself out of the world. I am out there, to experience and live to the fullest.

*listening to I gotta feeling*

Why am i crapping this? Cause someone that I've been avoiding is coming to town. When the relationship just base on lies and cover up, pretending to be successful or wannabe somebody, self-centred and selfish, i don't see the point of even replying your messages. After all the lies, I still care and take you as friend, but you just screw your own chance. Even my mom's advice I ignore, and gave you a chance. But, you just screw it. So, I won't even bother meeting you up when u drop by the town. Even if u hunt me down to my house, i'll just crash friend's house, or head to the hotel *big smile*

Okiie.... enough of story telling. tonight was a good good night. Have a great weekend people!!

12.12.09

It was a bad day, as far as I can remember. Not sure how i got annoyed, but i remember the part where my car was 'kissed' from behind, and while me, still at the agitated moment, went down the car, looked at the driver who 'kissed' my car, then looked at the bumper if there's any damage. no damage, then i 'tabik' at the guy with my angry face, cause still in very annoyed position. that's all i remember. short term memory or what, I don't remember the details anymore. Called L to spill out the annoyance just now, but i forgot half of the details -_-

Probably a lot of times it happens to us before. we was irritated or annoyed, and we get mad or feeling agitated, after a while, we forgot about what had happened but still feeling very annoyed.

But, I'm just being bitchy today, which I don't usually. I just want it my way, today. just feeling bitchy. whatever i don't like, i just say it to friend's face. yea, that's me today. the other side of me, which, normally doesn't come out.

so, if u see this side of me, either u're close to me that i let u see this side of me, or u're just too annoying!!