Update I

well, it just passed 12am and i heard fireworks around but couldn't enjoy the view. yeah, my house is surrounded by trees, sorry, i'm not living in jungle, but just trees around my house. Happy 49th National Day Malaysia. May God Bless our Nation, our Country, our leaders, goverment and citizens, as well as foreigner, tourists and those who stepped on our land.

in case u people was wondering where have i been that i didn't update my blog for more than a week. I was away to Beijing and Hongkong and i just came back this morning. tired, but enjoyed the trip. and shopping too! haha. Snapped more than 800 pictures. will upload nice one soon.

i've got my exam result today. I passed everything. Thank God I'm a senior now.

God Bless!

Last Day In Work

Still remember first day in work, I came early, sat at the meeting room waiting for my boss. I looked out from the meeting room, i saw colleagues were busy, walking here and there rushing their work. i thought, maybe it's Monday, that everyone is busy. Law firm does look dull to me.

-firstday of work, after briefing, my boss gave me this 2 files.

I think he tried to frighten me.

Till now, he never ask me about these 2 cases.

*wide smile*

For the first week, i was punctual to work everyday. I slept early and woke up very early. I had breakfast with dad everyday, just the 2 of us. But sometimes if i wake up late.....

-my breakfast in office....

I had the oppurtunity to go to the court with one of the lawyer in the firm. Dressed with white shirt and black suit, i followed him around. For the first 2 weeks i followed him to the court, i learn nothing about the court and law, but i learnt to socialise with the lawyers. they seemed to know that i'm a new comers, but wait a minute, not a new comers in the law field, but just a student. yea, i have to repeat so many times who am i, what am i doin now, which firm i'm from and which college i'm attending. But well, they were friendly enough to offer a handshake and say hi. i thought, hmm, a good chance to get to know male-single-available lawyer.. haha, that was the motivation i have that i continued to go court with my supervisor.

-me cam whore in office....

Other than doing typing work in the office, i also switch job to fisherman. yes, my favourites at all time. haha. whenever i'm sleepy, i'll start to text everyone, especially those in work too. Sze always reply with 'i'm going to fishing as well, i prepare the fishing equipment. You get the cruise. ' Addy, as far as i can remember, she always tease/scold me. Yeng will start telling me stories. haha. Yea, though far, it seems that they accompanied me in work. Oh, not forgetting, tracy, always put funny icons over our MSN message that i have to minimize my chat windows all the time. Lucky, my boss never caught me chatting before.... *Smile*

-give these to read.

errr.. i just read 1 or 2 pages...

then followed by... cam whore!!haha

So, after 2 months, here I am, today, in the office, writing out my experience. Yes, it was exactly 2 months ago.

After 2 months, i became more monkey in the office. I came early to office then only sneak out to breakfast. I asked for early lunch time, and still outside doing some personal matter after the lunch break. keke... but, part of me wasn't who i am 2 months ago, and i've grow, in maturity and knowledge, not physically mind you. haha.

I've learnt a lot, other than the law and court procedure, I've learnt valuable experiences of others that i can use as guidance to my following path in my studies and future career. Most importantly, I get to know these group of people in the firm, which if i choose not to work, i will not get to know them. each of them helped me throughout my working period here and i thank them from the bottom of my heart (oh, i haven't prepare my gift of appreciation to them yet.. hehe). Each life, made a change in my life, not a big change, but just a change that makes it all different.

-birthday celebration just 2 days ago.....

-another group of colleagues....

-my desk... messy i know.. and i look weird.. i know...

cannot smile nicely when your boss take picture of you.. *bluek*

Thank You for everything,

Ting & Jublee, Advocates and Solicitors,

bosses and colleagues.

May God bless u thousand folds!

Rant VI

Today......

Late for work, as usual.. since i don't have important work to do, i lazily go work...

In work, did some research in the morning while chatting online.

Lunch.. had pizza with friend..kekeke.. (dun get jealous..)..

Run around to Digi Centre and Maxis Centre to enquiry about my simcard...

Came back to Office, supposedly i plan to take half day leave, but there was a birthday celebration after the lunch, so, i was asked to leave after the cake.

Well, after the cake, my boss gave me work.. *hmmpf*...thursday my last day already.. still got work.. i have reports to make... and he gave me some more work.. which means. i cannot skip too much this week.. bleh...

Tomorrow i'm going to skip half day... (i dun care i dun care i dun care *stamp feet*... )

Well.. that would only be in my wildest dream. I've plan since yesterday which i postpone to today, and now to tomorrow. Not that i'm not a good planner, just that there are more important matters arise that i need to do.. sigh.. hopefully, tomorrow my plan is on....

Okay.... it's 5.30 pm, time to go back. Have a great evening!

My age... 25?

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I was tagged...

I was tagged by Addie. I pretended I didn't see it in her blog yesterday. Today she tagged again in my tagboard. Now.. just just now, she IMed me and asked me where's is it.. so.. ms addy.... Here u go....

Favourites...

colours: blue, white, purple

food: Mom's cake, dad's cooking

song: Eagle's Wing

movie: anything not horror, scientific, stress-less-brain-less-but-not-crapy,

sports: swimming, badminton, tennis, gym, volleyball, beach ball...

season: Autumn

ice-cream: Lecka-lecka and Baskin Robbin.

currents...

mood: up and down, up and down.. moody....

taste: anything looks nice to me, cause i'm hungry.. i missed my dinner....

clothes: PDI t-shirt with oakley pants...

desktop: brandless desktop...

toi-nail colour: colour-less

surroundings: in the hall.. sofa, tv, acquarium, etc etc

annoyance: people who never listen and just talk!

Firsts...

best friend: banyak oh... alex, ykeng, sze, addie, yeng, trac and banyak banyak lagi...

crush: still good friends... hihihihi..

movie: Mulan

music: "shi shang zhi you ma ma hao" (in this world, only mom is the best)


Last...

cigarette: few years back, just trying out... a few times..

drink: few weeks back... i told myself no more 2nd time....

car ride: errr... 2 days ago.. friend drove me out for lunch...

crush: still good friends....

movie: Pirates of Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

phone call: few hours back, talked to mom's friend.... teach her how to install Palm to the computer....

dated one of your best friends: norpe.... never...

broken the law: yupp, police traffic persuaded me to spend him teh-tarik, i insisted him to give me the fine... at last... a 100 bucks fine....

been arrested: I'm a good girl, good person, good citizen.. kekekkee

been on tv: CCTV included? hahaha

kiss someone you don't know: norpe

4 things you've done today: work, blogged, went CG, shopping at watson....

3 things you can hear right now: my own typing sound, acquarium sound, dog barking outside....

2 thing you do when you're bored: surf net, watch tv...

1 thing you wish for: UOL result...

5 people whom i want to do this thing: You, you, yOU, yuO and YOu!

Rant V

It rained again this morning and the office is very cold. It has been raining everyday since Monday. Morning, afternoon and night. But not continuously, as if it has a breakfast, lunch and dinner break, which is good, that we won't be late for work because of the rain that will cause traffic jam. And we get catch up with some personal matters during the lunch time, running around to post office and bank to settle bills. And during the evening when it's peak time when everyone is off from work, rushing to fetch kids, buy dishes/vegetables, catch up with friends for dinner or just going back home straight after work.

what am i saying.... just merely talking about the weather of these few days. I've got lunch appointment with all my colleagues later, but i don't feel like going. Not in the mood of entertaining, or rather meeting people. I'm back to my own world, keeping everything to myself, having a world of my own. Yes, the only time that i have my own world, is during the lunch break when everyone went out for lunch and i just sit at my own desk by myself, listen to music and surf the net. But yeah, exclude those time that i'm in the toilet, other than that, i have people around me, even when i'm sleeping. I am not complaining, but rather, twist around to find ways to make my life easier.

much of the time, i'm just being fake. Yes, i am fake. I pretend to be happy when i am not. I pretend to be an idiot talking crap when i see that the atmosphere where I am in at that moment is down or when war is about to happen. I pretend to be stupid when people is about to throw anger on me, act like i don't know and yet i think of things to talk about to make people happy.

you say, you can't please everyone, you say it's your life, you can do anything you want, anything... as long as you're happy.

but because you are living in a family, a circle, a community, sometimes we just cannot runaway from the responsibility and obligation that we need to take up as the position we are in, as a child, as someone's children, as someone's siblings, as someone's friend and etc.

if only people become less self-centred... life would be easier....

2 minutes to go before lunch.... and i still don't feel like going... yes... i am being immature today, can't differentiate between personal life and work. But at least, i still can smile but not out of the heart, i pretend to do work when i wasn't paying attention....

-continue later-

the rain stopped again, as if giving time for people to have lunch.

I'm back in the office, open up the files and take out all the papers, place on the table everywhere, as if i'm doing work, but actually, i'm surfing net and blogging.. (shh.. don't tell my boss ya...). I just can't concentrate on my work, after reading and reading so many times, i still cannot understand what i'm reading, therefore, better surf net and enjoy myself... kekekeke....

It rained again, suddenly, heavily. It reminded me of the last few times i ran in the rain.........

*listening to.... "through the rain"*

there was a time in college, it rained heavily so i waited. suddenly it stopped. it seemed to me that it will stop raining for a while, so i quickly ran out, towards my car.. which is.. 2 minutes walk from college. just about 30 steps, it rained again, heavily. Gosh.. i look back to college and i look front. I continued walk. quite embarassing to walk back to college. i was all wet. lucky enough, i'm wearing black that time.

oh.. another embarassing one.. i was walking back home from college, rained heavily, and i still remember, i was wearing a cream colour pants. but, wearing a black underwear. *blush*. a girl friend chase after me from behind and told me. *blush* i got my jacket and tied around my waist, quickly walked back home.

the last time that i remember was, walking from car to the apartment with addy. we shared an unbrella, but it rained heavily, that half of me was wet and half of her was wet.. but i think she enjoyed it, because she screamed happily all the way until we reached the lobby of the building.... *roll eyes and shake head*

okay.. i shall stop. it's 5pm now.. keke....

time to go back home! God Bless! Have great weekend!

Rant IV

Out of the plan of the night, i joined mom to her cell group (christian groups).

Just in praise and worship, suddenly, all the songs seems right to me....

It reminds me of how people say, when they're in love, all the love songs seems to express their feelings at the moment, or when they're heart broken, those sad love songs seems to be talking about them...

.... and the songs we sang just now, seems like an assurance to me...

how many times that you're stuck in between, don't know what to do, don't know what to say, or when you want to do/say something, you mouth just can't utter the words, or when you found your words and u want to express yourself, but situation doesn't permit?

... and we still continue on singing, while me, supressing all the feelings inside me...

tears does ruin makeup, but makeup can do the covering after the cry

Trip... Cancelled.

Supposedly this week is my last week working as student attachment. But today, boss happily asked/insisted that i stay till end of the month after knowing that my trip to Hongkong and Beijing is cancelled. Yes, it's cancelled.

I thought it's still okay, as brother sort-of ask me to come along with him to Australia end of September. I was just.... happy for nothing, it's only a sort of thingie. So, trip to Australia.... I wasn't part of the plan.

Now.. you can laugh at me.

Lazy Monday

Today today.....

I was late for work... again... I've never been early after the 1st week of work... *shame* I went to the same coffee shop that i go almost everyday for breakfast and i eat the same thing everytime i go there. just breakfast, doesn't matter.

I was sooooooooooooooooo free today. I helped colleague to do some of her work. Issue cheques and do some photocopy work. Nothing much. But, i skipped lunch, as it rained heavily.

Ate some char siu pao just now while driving back home. Was actually holding the pao while driving. People can see that i actually turn my steering together with the charsiu pao turning around.. hehe....

that's me today!

Practice makes perfect - or rather Perfectly Imperfect

Is early relationship a training ground, as to the more ex-es you have, the more experience you have in staying with another opposite sex human and less complication you will get?

You may learn the skill of human communication and living together. You may learn the art of conversation or art of smooching perhaps. You may learn the trust that we should give in circumstances and situations that u see similar to previous relationships or learn to tolerate and respect the guy when both of you are in front of his guy friends. Practice does make perfect, or rather perfectly imperfect.

If you’re talking about relationships only but not marriage, on top of the right corner of the window, there’s one icon with an X in it. Point your mouse to it and click on it. Thank You!

I agree that MAN and WOMAN are different. How do a man doesn’t understand why woman can go shopping for hours is the same way as how a woman doesn’t understand why guys can wake up early in the morning to watch football.

Is early relationship training ground to a better relationship in future?

Relationship after relationship, what do we actually learn?

In general, we learn-to say the right thing at the right time and do the right things at the right time, and a lot more...

But do we learn to trust and tolerate?

Life is full with unpredictable matters and problems. Trust in a relationship is built through circumstances and problems, which will go deeper and deeper if both, can overcome the situations that they’re facing. But do we learn the trust from previous relationships and apply the trust that we learnt to the current bf/gf? Yes u may say in some circumstances,but what is the ground for your trust and tolerate. Isn’t it because I love you, therefore I choose to love you and it’s not because of, “ oh ya, last time this happen before, therefore this time, it happens again, and I trust you.”. Or, “oh, this problem isn’t the same as before, I need some time to think whether I need to trust you or not.”.

I do agree with you, as there are not many relationships in the early age that ends well, even some are dragged until they reach early 20s and they’ve not choice but to break up. But do you see why? This I can’t answer you, maybe maturity problem, as your body is still growing, then, you’re still growing towards maturity in mind. Of all and all the stories that I’ve heard from people, true stories, only one couple I heard that they’ve been seeing each other since 16 and they’re now married.

How much trust you can give or how long can u tolerate without love? It’s like being patience with your grumpy and naggy boss, you’ll be burned out and tired easily. In the end, quit the job. And in relationship without love.....?

Why do I choose not to enter into relationship in early age, 17?

I was an idiot when i'm 17... and still now. haha. never think of having a bf. haha!

Like what I’ve said, I don’t even know what I want in mind, today I like orange, the next day I like apple. My priority in life, at this moment, is my studies and career. You can say that having relationship is not going to affect your studies. But my passion, is people, family and studies. I shall not disclose my own experience, not because it’s a bad experience, but, I shall share when the right time comes.

Others experiences….

I'll just omit those who have few ex-es before got married. But just talking about their spouses is their first love, I personally have a few friends who got married with their first love. not that they've been seeing each other since in young age, but when they were in mid 20s. I'm quite amazed by them.

So… does taking early relationships as training ground make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?

Upon all the fundamentals that is important in a relationship, whether it's trust or tolerate, whether it's being patience and tolerate, all that u can name...

Above everything, FAITH, HOPE and LOVE remains, but the greatest of these is love.

As for me…..

It’s still time for me to explore, to learn, to build myself, to expand my network of friends, basically, climb the mountain alone while enjoying the view. Not much alone, i have friends and family with me. *smile*

Rant III

Infatuation vs. Love

Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing them."

Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy.

Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When they're away, you wonder if they're cheating. Sometimes, you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. They feel your trust, and it makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.

Love is an upper. It makes you feel whole. It completes the circle. It fills the empty space in your heart. Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don't have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning.

The secret of our being is not only to live but to have something to live for.

Like Vs Love

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
Love

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

It doesn't matter what love definition you have, or reasons being in relationship. It doesn't matter how you view or see what is a relationship, it doesn't matter what the future holds in the relationship. Whatever you do, it's still you and to you only, whatever you do, you will have to take your own responsibility towards your own action and cause. Whether you're just a playboy/girl, or you just want to flirt around with this guy/girl, or you are serious in relationship but nothing more than just merely seeing each other, or you both are not dating but enter into courtship, it's your story, it's your history. Same goes to those who were in relationship before, whether it was a good or bad experience, don't hold yourself back from things that could turn out to be a turn point in your life.

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.

sigh... why i make it so complicated.

conclusion is...

you is you.. me is me..

Rants II

Now, again, I'm not against nor have bad perception or whatsoever against people who is involving/involved before in dating or relationships in early age. Your opinion, your view, your priority in life now is nothing got to do with me, and therefore, my rants have nothing go to do with you. I'm just sharing my experiences and my view. But again, exceptions within the exceptions, to those whom i care, please take care of yourself. If the guy whom you're seeing now breaks your heart, i'm so going to break his leg. And to guys, if the girl cheats on you, make sure you dump her before she dumps you..kekekekkeeke.....

As i continue, the conversation the other day between my 17yr old Friend A having puppy love thinking against me-soon-to-be-24 having to view relationships as courtship and not just merely dating ended up me 'draw back my sword' and.... rest my case.

i know this issue raise controversy and some may take it into heart. No personal issue here please.

Recenly after exam, I start playing Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 again, and still playing now (I know i'm persistant in playing, though I have been playing the same mission for the past 20 times i played it... salute me addie...). Though i build so much roller coaster in my mission, but, in reality, I don't ride roller coaster. Some people love them so much. But i'm telling you, I prefer merry-go-round. It's just a preferences, U like roller coaster, I like merry-go-round. So, no personal issue towards roller coaster lover, i shall ride on it when i'm ready one day......

Rants I

Just the other day, I get to talk to a friend about boy girl relationships over MSN, while me working. At first, it was just exchanging of opinion and experiences, but later on, the atmosphere became worst as both side did not agree with the opinions and later argued back with own reasoning. Later i found, it was my fault. My friend A, is only 17.

I once shared with a group of girls aged 14-17, about my own experience and what I think about boy girl relationships. I didn't mean to teach or persuade them; I just talk out of the boredom while waiting for dinner during the Christmas retreat last year.

Life at where we are now, growing and still learning, is like hiking or mountain climbing.

We start to climb, just like life, we start to grow and learn. Sometimes we get scratches over our knee or elbows, or we just fall down a few steps. Just like life experiences, we face troubles, we fall but later we stand again. And we continue climb. As we continue climbing, we know how to avoid from getting scratches and learn how to climb without getting injured. But to some people, once they fall, or they are wounded, they stop climbing. Not physically unable to climb but mentally already given up. They think that the view from where they've stopped is beautiful enough. But hey, the view up there is even more beautiful. Don't think that the view now is beautiful enough as the higher you climb, the more beautiful view you can experience.

A girl interrupted me. "but the problems is getting harder and harder, when u walk your life..."

When little kid started to learn Mathematics, 1 + 1 = 2 is very hard. They need to count with their little fingers. Slowly they learn 2 X 1 = 2. Now you learn arithmetic, statistics, and algebra. When you've just learnt 1 + 1 = 2, you think it was so hard. Now when u look back, doesn't it look like a piece of cake to you. You don't go tell the teacher when you're little kid, 2 X 1 = 2 is very hard and u doesn’t want to learn anymore. Don't be afraid of what you're facing now because later when u look back, u will see yourself laughing at the matter. Don't be afraid of growing up, don't be afraid of challenges, as u think back, there's nothing u cannot overcome.

Later at night, one of the girls, Friend B came and talked to me. "I've decided to break up with my boyfriend". I said "what??!!". Apparently after listening to what i've said, she decided to break up her boyfriend. She was only 15 that time. 6 months later, I met her again and she told me. She did break up with the guy and found more blessings than ever. Now, i'm not boasting about myself. I just believe that one person can be another's blessings. what do i mean, we can learn from each other's experience and take it as a lesson for us to be a better person. Now, back to her, this ex of hers, good in academic and co-curriculum, sports and music. (okay.. i didn't mean to persuade them with my experiences and stories. I'm just telling out of the boredom.) She learnt to depends on herself in studying rather than always need someone to tuition her (learn to be independent... i like it...), she get to know more friends and have her own big circle of good friends and her relationship with her dad is stronger now (depending on dad is better than boyfriend right? family will not betray u, boyfriend... hmm...).

What am I trying to say? This friend A argued with me about what kind of experience/blessings we have when we go dating at the young age and life is not as beautiful as having a boyfriend. Now, i'm not saying you cannot date at that age of 17, mind you.

I will still rather climb the mountain alone then having a boyfriend helping me right now. I'll see him more instead of enjoying the climb and the scenery. *blek*

(Oh.. the readers from US, UK and Australia, and also from Malaysia (labuan...KL....)You will think that I’m weird and conservative. I maybe conservative, in treasuring myself for the One. If you have any comments, can leave a constructive one. If you want to argue with me, leave me your MSN Id, we can make friend.....i don't mind. *thick skinned*)

Thank God it's Friday!

After the other day......

addie say ... don't soak myself with the sadness/madness for too long,
tracy say ... whenever I'm in stress, don't blog it but call her,
yeng say ...don't be mad,
sze say... never mind about others, I have her....

So, I'm fine now.

Today is Friday and it's weekend. what's the plan? what's the plan? haha!

I had been checking out my phone every 15 minutes, make sure my Yahoo and MSN Messenger is on 'Online' status. Hoping that someone ask me out for lunch. Well, last hope, i'll start calling one by one, hopefully there are friend who's willing to go lunch with me.. kekeke....

So, what's the plan again this weekend? Oh, i've got seminar at night until Monday. Promised to help become photographer in the seminar. Day time.. hmm.... my time not booked yet, but, surely plan will come in last minute....

Today.. I'm so alive... maybe because it's Friday..kekekekke....

Enjoy!

My Problem or yours?

I couldn't help it to think in your shoe instead of me keep on angrying at you. Somehow, i cannot see things from one side only, but both side.

I don't know what happen to you, or what is wrong with you. But just seriously, I lost my patience and temper because of your countless complaints on me which really tear me down. You don't know that I've lost my temper, my messages sounds so humble and trying to make up with you.

just like you, i have my own problem and matters to deal. I am a girl, i am not superwoman. I can listen, i can lend a shoulder for you to lean a while. We just talked this afternoon and now that u are mad for i didn't pick up your phone at night. Is this reasonable enough to be mad about, rationale enough that one will get angry when one person calls and the other doesn't pick up the phone? Or demanding and possesive you that I have to pick up every of your calls and reply all of your sms-es? Demanding and possesive you, do you know how hard my life is recently? Do u know how stressfull (sorry tracy, i can't help but using this word again) I am? Do u know what matter i have that makes my head so big and heavy? NO.. you don't know. I didn't tell you and you will never know. Even if i tell you, you never reply those emergency/stressful messages. I don't blame you. I did not blame you. But can't you just think in my shoe for like 1 minute. ANd your repeated same old complaints, is really not going to help you or me. You are telling me the same thing again and again, what's the point? Why not get a solution instead of moaning about it?

i runaway from you? maybe yes, maybe no. I runaway because i am not strong enough for you, to share your burden, your same old repeated problems. get a life! get a solution!

(12.35am - stop to go airport)

It's 2am now and I just showered. Not quite mad now, just now went to airport to pick up bro, arrived at 12.50am.

Was very upset and mad just now, can see from the way i expressed it through the words.

I've got nothing to say, I'm just speechless. Let it be whatever it will be.

My Life is my life, not yours!

I'm so tempted to off the phone. Yes. I'm pissed off with you.

Just because i cared for you, that DOESN'T
- give right to throw anger at me, lose temper on me.
- blame it on me when i'm not there when u need me -where were you when i need you??? those emergency text/calls come once in a few months only and where were you? I don't and did not blame you. thanks to you, I learnt to overcome by myself. SO... don't throw faults on me.
It's not only you that have PROBLEM. I HAVE problems also. If you see that i stop sending caring messages, why not you start caring for me and ASK WHAT HAPPEN TO ME instead of SHOUTING AT ME "NOW THEN YOU THINK I EXIST" whenever you caught me online.

Don't think that everything is YOU, YOU and YOU ONLY. YOU ARE NOT THE CENTRE OF THE ATTENTION. when there's something wrong, try to think what had happen to me, instead of scolding WHY I DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE???

And just because i never get angry or easily pissed off, that doesn't give you permission to simply give non-constructive comments on me. My happiness, my life, is not only from you and to you only. i have my own life. don't EVER THINK THAT, everything of me has to be connected with you.

MY SMILE, MY LAUGHTER, MY HAPPINESS, MY JOY IS NOT FROM YOU AND YOU ONLY. IF YOU SEE MY HAPPY BEING WITH MY FRIENDS, YOU SHOULD BLESS ME. INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING, WHY I HAD BECOME SO FRIENDLY AND SURROUNDED WITH FRIENDS???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(for goodness sake, my foul words are all coming out. that shows how piss i am.)

I am still angry.

But i still text you and said sorry. I've gave explaination. i DID NOT do it on purpose. i DID NOT hear my phone is ringing. BUT you don't accept my explaination. I SAID SORRY again. you lose temper on me. WHY DO I STILL CARE WHEN U LOSE TEMPER ON ME? because you are my friend. FRIEND OKAY. think of me in my shoe and taste it yourself! I HAVE A WORTH, NOT BORNED FOR YOU TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER JUST LIKE THAT ON ME FOR NOTHING!!!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? CENTRE OF THE WORLD? I AM ONLY YOUR D*MN IT FRIEND OKAY???!!!

Yes.. I've switched off the phone.

12 Social Disorders

12 Social Disorder

How you conduct yourself has a lot to do with how popular you are. If you can avoid the 12 things below, chances are high that you will not spend weekend after weekend watching TV alone in your flat.

And by the way, while reading these, how much do you recognise of yourself, and of others you know?

One-upmanship. If you've just picked up RM10 in the street, this person will tell you how he once picked up RM50. If you've just broken your leg, you're no match for their cousin who is in a wheelchair after a diving accident. You name it, they can go bigger and better and you can't help sometimes to wonder about the truth of all these stories. Or about how low their self-image must be never to be able to simply be happy for someone else when things go well. Or just be there for them when they don't, without having to denigrate whatever's just happened to them.

Not listening. Talking and listening should be a 50/50 thing. If you always do all the talking and only listen to someone when what they are saying is somehow to your advantage, don't expect to be popular. There is a big difference between listening and waiting to talk. Worse still, is interrupting someone. When you do this, what you are basically saying is that what they are saying is of no importance and that which you are saying is so much more important. This is no way to endear yourself. On the contrary. Being a bad listener could spell the end of your social life, if you have one, that is.

Constantly coming late. Making people wait for you, especially if it is in a public place, is simply unforgivable. Sometimes it is unavoidable, such as when a tree has fallen across the road or your car has broken down, but if it is simply because you couldn't be bothered, think for a moment about what message it is sending to the other person: your time is not as important as mine and I don't care if yours is wasted by standing around waiting for me. Do this to someone a few times and watch how quickly you disappear off their Christmas list.

Not respecting confidentiality. If things are told to you in confidence and you spread them around – usually under the guise of concern, of course – don't expect people to trust you again. You are not being a friend, you are just collecting repeatable snippets. Don't be surprised if you're left off the dinner invitation lists next time.

Being moody. Everyone has days on which they feel less than great. But there is a huge difference between withdrawing quietly and somehow holding those around you responsible for your state of mind. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you don't accept that, others may quickly tire of the burden of being with you. That goes for spouses too.

Being racist. This is a real turnoff, whatever the situation. Making racist remarks only reveals your own ignorance and lack of insight and sensitivity. It also makes you a social liability. Who wants to be seen in public with someone whose boorish remarks might get you involved in a fight? Or worse?

Being prescriptive. All people hate being told what to do. Even if they have asked for advice. Telling someone what to do, takes their power away from them and makes them feel as if you want to take over. No one likes feeling that way. Most people do not follow advice they have been given, and rather than face your reprimands, they will choose to avoid you instead. Be wary of ever giving advice – ask people what they think is best in the circumstances. Most of the time people have the answers inside of them – they just have to think about it for a while.

Being thick-skinned and oversensitive. These two things usually go together, oddly enough. Some people will be unbelievably insensitive to someone else's feelings, but be hypersensitive when it comes to some slight they think has been passed their way. Generally, if someone is insensitive to your feelings and oversensitive when it comes to their own, people simply find it easier to avoid this person.

Applying two sets of rules. This is a deadly one. If you expect a friend or a spouse or a colleague to adhere to certain rules you have made, you have to stick to them yourself. Otherwise you are invalidating them. If you're not sticking to something, how can you expect others to do so?

Moaning Minny. This is the one who constantly whines about everything – usually things about which no one can do anything. There he goes again like a chainsaw – the weather, the government, the movie you chose, the food in the restaurant. The list is endless, but unfortunately your patience is not. Hit the road and do it fast.

Mine, mine, all mine. Being possessive about your friends is a sure way of getting rid of them quickly. If you have a problem with the fact that your friends also have other friends, it may be an idea to get help, while you still have any friends left. We are all naturally a bit possessive, but when it gets to the point where you throw tantrums when your friends see other people besides you, the red lights should be shining on bright. Just don't go down this road.

Centre of attraction. Me, me, me! Some people will do anything to get attention. Even negative attention. People who are attention junkies are socially exhausting, because they require all your energy, without giving you anything in return. People who become moody when they are not the centre of attraction are best avoided, as they are tiresome and their company is unrewarding in the long run.

1. One-upmanship

No.. I don't exagerate. Out!!

2. Not listening

Oh.. learnt this in Effective Communication subject, must balance in talking and listening. I listen more than i talk.. so.. Out!!!

3. Constantly coming late.

Err.... out of 10 dates/appointment, the probability of me being late is 4. Haha... this one, can count in lah....

4. Not respecting confidentiality.

Oh... people do tell me secret and half way telling me about it, i'll forget about the first half. Not that i dont' pay attention, just that, secrets are meant to be secrets, not to be remembered. Advices will come after ya telling me everything, if you need one, but then the next day, i'll forget partial of it. so.. this one.. OUT!

5. Being moody.

No, I'm not a moody person. Even when i'm in bad mood, usually sad or mad, people don't know about it because i hide it, except that you see me right at my eyes. Out again!!!

6. Being racist.

No.. I'm not racist. I'm racist to people who is racist...

7. Being prescriptive.

I nag, but out of love. No forcing, it's still others' choice after all.... so.. OUT!!!

8. Being thick-skinned and oversensitive

I am thick-skinned. Maybe that's why i can jump into a conversation with people easily. But some of time time, when i purposely stay at your house till late at night, thick-skinned-ly tell you, i will stay overnight at your place, that means, something is wrong with me and i don't want to go back home alone... kekeke...
Not oversensitive. AM quite a sensitive person. so.. OUT!

9. Applying two sets of rules.

No rules. rules is i have to go back home before 11.30pm. wuahahahah...

10. Moaning Minny.

I dont' moan. I may complaint, a way of pouring out things in my mind and to relieve it out. but after that, no, i don't complaint about it. Complaining, depends on what kind of complaing. Whether it's constructive or not, or just complaining/moaning for the sake of complaining/moaning and not doing anything about it, seems like complaining for nothing.

if you complaint about being boring, you can do lots of things like learn new hobby; ballroom dance, cooking, baking, you can help out at old folks home, do charity, get part time job and etc etc. Then you say you're lazy. Boring + lazy = don't complain!!

If you complain about your job/studies, change job/studies or start to fall in love with what you're doing now. maybe you're just looking at one view of that matter, try to see from other view, as one matter have different view, just like a car, from an angle it's not nice, but from other view, it looks elagant. not everything's perfect.

11. Mine, mine, all mine.

Oh.. I'm not possesive.. and tend to runaway from demanding/posessive people.
out again!

12. Centre of attraction.

No.. don't like limelight. Out!!!

Now, my score is less than half out of 12. Does that means i'm popular and usually booked over the weekend? No.. haha! Still depends on yourself to make yourself available to people, not waiting for others to ask u out.. hehe.. and I love people and to be with people..

Donation, here and there.

I was issued a summon today, traffic summon.

This morning i went to a Bazaar, held by an organization, raised money for the special need people. The bazaar was quite grand, as there are more than 300 stalls, and also traffic police and RELA helped to guard the traffic. Yes, i parked my car by the road side, same as everyone else. and i was issued a traffic summon. "kerana mengganggu trafik". *&*@^#*&%@*&^#(*&@^#(*&@*&@&#(*&@#(*&#. On the grass by the road side, menganggu trafik???!!!

Anyway... the bazaar was great. Dad bought RM230 of the bazaar coupon as donation. I bought RM10. A friend bought RM10 and gave me the coupon. So, i have RM250. Bought lots of vegetable, ice-creams, some food and still left RM40. Don't know what to buy.. i just left and went to lunch with a friend.

so... donated to the special need people, came out of the bazaar, need to donate $$ again (summon!!!)

-shall be continued-

Naughty Me!

During my secondary school, we used to shower birthday girl/boy with water. That was our culture. And I enjoy it very very much, the chasing around, prevent being wet and at the same time chase the birthday person around. Being a November baby, often my birthday falls on exam, so, not everyone have the mood to shower me, and throughout the year, I get to shower people. Haha! I’m not a big bully in school, I’m just ordinary student. But, when it comes to birthdays, I ‘bless’ people with showers of water.. kahkahkah….

So.. everytime I shower someone, I will tell mom about it and mom will say “be careful on your birthday, a lot of people will chase after you with buckets of water”. I replied mom, “they won’t”. But unfortunately, during one of the year, I was chased by at least 20 people, around the school compound and I was totally wet. Hahaha.. but I’m happy.

2 years ago, on this day, in the afternoon, I was at KLCC loitered around. I had a big plan to do that day, to sabotage someone. It was someone’s birthday and we planned to meet in the evening after work, but I went earlier without her knowing. I dropped by at KLCC, bought a fresh green apple. Then, got a small box, sat at A&W, packed box and then headed to friend’s office, next to KLCC. Just before I enter the office compound, I had a small bite on the apple, put it into the box, and packed it nicely with ribbons. On top of that box written, “Happy Birthday, from Anonymous”. That was the plan. I tip toed to into the office, caught one of the friend’s colleague and told him to pass the gift to friend but not disclose who was the sender.. kahkahkah… That was the big plan.

Then, I went back to KLCC, loitered till the evening, then only I looked for her. I had to act, like I just arrived, not tired and know nothing. She questioned me, asked me to see the package. So, I pretend I don’t know anything about it and go “Ewww… who did this???”.

Hahaha.. Anyway..

Dear Milia,

Happy Birthday! Been great knowing you. Love you – July 14^th

Dear Joni,

Happy Birthday dear Joni! You’re lucky you always not around during your birthday. But… but… be careful tonight, I heard a great plan is waiting for you… kahkahkah……

You’ve been a blessing to me! Happy Blessed Birthday! Love you – July 15^th

Dear Huei Sze,

Knowing u is one of the best gift I can get being in KDU. Although time we spend together is short, but just through those times really blessed me a lot, your encouragement, your experiences, your friendship really amazed me. I shall say, I look forward to spend more time with you, not to say forever, but as long as we keep in touch, we’re always partners. Hopefully, our dream of being firm partners will come true. Happy Birthday! Love you! - July 22^nd

Trip to Pulau Manukan

[Description comes after the pictures, cause some people wanted to see pictures... (i know u miss me and want to see how am i doing.. hahaha)]

Just last Saturday, I went to island, for the first time..exclude langkawi, with brothers and elder bro's gf and sister. Was reluctant to go at first, but i thought, it's gonna be a great holiday, short one day trip... so.. I went...

Just as we were trying the goggles, the GF was teaching her sister how to wear the goggles and try it out under the water. The minute she came out of the water, she yelled out with much excitement, "I saw fish!!!". haha...

Snorkeling in the morning was good, can see lots of coral and fishes. Those fishes actually swim around us, and if you're good enough, you can hold them on your palm. We were so lucky, we bumped to local divers whom i think are the lifeguard-cum-diver there. Brought me and the sister around in the sea, saw nemo and family (i did say hi for you, addy and yeng.. haha) and played a lot with the sea cucumber. ANd also saw starfish.. bright blue colour.. I seriously never know that starfish is blue in colour.. all the while i thought it's yellow. keke...

was a great experience. Didn't get tan. Only my back got sunburn, the part that i cannot reach to apply sunblock.. dumb.. hehe...

Pictures.. as i've promised.... don't drool while looking at the pictures.. i know i'm sexy.. hahahhaha....

anyway...



Me and the GF, Gracia

Me pickin up shells with the sister, Trina

The jetty behind the resort..



Me and Brother...

I thought we're going to this Island, quickly snapped it. But.. haha, that's not our destination... *blek*

While waiting to go back to the main land... camwhore again...

Trina and me.. on the way back...