Just stop and look around

It's almost a year since I moved back and started working. Which means I'm coming to the end of my chambering period, very soon. It's been a great one year, having to be back with family and get to know a bunch of friends whom slowly become my pillar of support here.

One of my pillar, i get to know since beginning of the year, is a friend whom younger than me by almost a decade. Since I've started working, since i came back here, i guess life for me has been kinda suck. And being in a sucky situation, makes me soaked in a bad environment so much that things become so dull or just restless. You can say, I lost the glow on my face. But this friend, has another perception of life, an appreciation towards life and it reminds

me of whom I used to be when i was in her age. Everything seems so new and excited for her.

I guess, as bad as it is, that I'm so overwhelmed with things going on in my life, i need to stop, and look around. To appreciate what has been coming along and together. To hold what has been waiting for me. To appreciate the creation of God.

Passed by this place all the time at town and always appreciate the view from the car.

Went down the car, crossed the street to this place and took some picture the other day.

Till then, God Bless!

It’s not that you’re not good enough!

When it seems like your talent is not appreciated, when it seems like you are not given a chance, when it seems like you are invisible and people can’t see you, when it seems like you are always the back up or the substitute and never given a chance to be at the front line, do not give up. Do not be despair. For it is not that you are not good enough. For it is not others are better than you. For it is not that you do not worth or not up to that position.

当你觉得你的恩赐不被人赞赏，当你觉得每次机会都轮不到你，当你觉得别人都看不到你，当你觉得好像备份或者替代，没有机会在前线， 不要放弃。不要绝望。不是你不够好也不是别人比你好。

You could start questioning why aren’t you given a chance or why is it so unfair that you work so hard but was never appreciated. You could start holding grudges on people and keep thinking how unfair you have been treated. Or you could give yourself a thousand reasons to make yourself better, but at times, most of the reasons happen to be negative on others to make ourselves feel better.

你可以问很多的问号，为什么你没有机会，为什么那么不公平，为什么自己努力了没有人赞赏，在很多的为什么再问为什么。你也可以对人有积怨，想着你怎样不公平的被人对待。或者你可以给自己一千个理由让你自己好过，但是通常那些理由都是说了别人怎样不好来安慰自己。

Or you could go one step further, not wanting to be stuck in that position but go forward and be better. Do not stop doing whatever you are doing just cause’ people around you do not appreciate you. Whatever position you are in, continue to work hard and be better. It’s God’s given talent/gift so do not give up on yourself, for God is preparing something for you, something better, something greater than you can think of. So, do not be disappointed and give up easily. For when the time is here, when you are given the opportunity, when the chance is here, you are more than prepared, to lead, to serve, to be on the front line, to take the lead and go forward. Just be prepared!

或者你可以走前一步，不要停留在同一个地方，但是走前进，做更加好。不要因为没人赞赏而把你所做的都停留不做。不管你在什么，继续努力做的更好。那是神所给的恩赐所以你不能放弃，因神在预备更好的给你，比你想象中更要好。所以你不能失望也不能放弃。当那个时刻到了，当你的机会到了，你已经比别人更加准备好了，来事奉，来带领，在前线带领向前走。所以，你要准备！

(thanks to google translate!)

The Colleague

There is one person ("A") in the office, that I don't know how to handle or deal with. Therefore I choose to keep a distant from this person. It is hard, to NOT talk to people, or return a smile or exchange some conversation while you're in the pantry with this other person, or you happen to stand at the fax or photocopier machine together. It is just hard... It is just hard to be cool and iced. I only manage a nod, or a half smile, or a very stern "morning" greetings. Now you ask me why I am acting like this...

Among all the things I could write about A, among all the annoying things that A did, among all the greedy things that A did, and all the selfish acts of A, which if there is such award for the most kepoh chi clerk in your office, we would be more than willing to compile a short story just to support A to win such award, but, just the story of A with mugs. Yes, mugs....

Story #1

B brought new mug to office. A saw and went “aww.. so pretty” and all. The next day morning as usual, B went to make coffee but couldn’t find the new mug. So B used some other mug. After that, B saw A holding B’s new mug with coffee. A says, “there is no clean cups available so I used yours” while smiling cheekily. =.=

Story #2

C brought new mug to office. A plain cup. A went “oh… so pretty….. where did u get that??” A asked if C has some more at home. Asked to give A one.

Story #3

After hearing the first two incidents, I decided to take my mug back to my room. Because I was asked to go meeting asap, I left the mug outside meeting room, in between the boxes and files. A saw it. A asked my other colleague, whose cup is that!

It was said that if you smile at people every day without them returning a smile, they will one day. Of course, this comes in with a hope that every day is a new day, and a hope that tomorrow people will smile back at you.

Of course, it’s not just about mugs. It’s about a lot of things that I kinda forgot about the details. But, instead of learning to say no to A, I decided to make a distant from A. I am sure A is doing that charm on me, the smile charm, at least, that is what i think now. Cause whenever A has chance, A would try to talk to me. Or be around me whoever I’m talking to.

Random

Because I'm still working in office and

Because I haven't had my dinner yet.

A supporter came to say hi in the midst of me working.

It's only 2nd of June!

Me, I left only a RM500 to survive till the next pay check...

Friend, 500 bucks left, meaning average 100 per week. No outing for you till next month. Let's eat roti this month.

Friend, anyways, u can still count on me if you're broke.

Me, I want to sell blood already. U eat roti already now. how to count on you.

Friend, I share mine with you. Can keep fit at the same time.

awwww.....

Not that we're big spender, just that we earn little at the moment. As chambering student. Considering working part-time at Starbucks or something, but we always have to work till late night.

On the other hand, I forgot that i'm tight and I've just ordered MacD delivery with my colleague. And then boss decided to treat us KFC. So, MacD meal and KFC Snack plate waiting for me. hmmm....

back to work!

Duty Counsel

As part of the requirement before graduating at a qualified lawyer with license to practice, one of the many requirements is Duty Counsel. Unlike Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah Bar has only one type of duty, which is the Duty Counsel. We have to do 12 times duty counsel, going into the lock-up, do some interview with the accused and help to mitigate for them.

So, it's been 6 months and I've done more than I've should (sometimes i went without taking attendance), as in attendance of 12 times for Duty Counsel. But the real interview, I did 3 times only. Out of the 3 times, I did only twice in the lock up. (Please anyone, don't dispute this when I get called to the Bar). Because.....

the very first Duty Counsel that I did with my colleague, we went into the lock-up with a supervisor and another chambee as well. We went to the ladies' cell and next to it is the men's cell. As near as about 1 metre only, one accused stood at the bar, sticked his hand into his pants and started his business, with people just next to him. We freaked out but just remained calm until we got out of the cell. damn....

In and out of the court for trials and other matter, I did my Duty Counsel by doing bits of interview in the Court just before the hearing starts or just attend the Hearing and take attendance. So yea, that was about it.

Today, I went to do another round again, and i actually went to into the lock-up because my colleague need to interview some accused. So, I went in with her, haunted by the 1st experience, other than the smell. It was alright. There are people trying to slip papers with numbers of their contacts so that we can transfer message for them, but politely we decline as it's not part of our job.

That was about it. 3 to 5 more to go and i told the supervisor not to allow me to take attendance unless I do the interview with the accused. Just gotta train my guts right? :)

Heart of Compassion

Ever since I started handling conveyancing matters, I learn to deal with the nasty side of people. I get scoldings from clients, clients slam the phone on me, lawyers sweet talk to me just so i do them favour. I take it personally sometimes, and because most of the times we are stuck in between all parties, it is not our fault because of the delay and things cannot be done in one day. But slowly, we learn to deal with them and we learn to ignore their scoldings.

And when it comes to court matter, especially in the crime side, we get to see a lot of cases that you feel sorry for. Mother with a few kids caught stealing because of poverty, poor people who gets unfair treatment and fairness in hearing for they do not know their rights and unrepresented, people get caught for drug trafficking but was in possession innocently after friend asked to pass it to another etc. I feel for them, i really do, but what can I do? for one moment, I really wanted to represent the unrepresented one pro bono but I've got no locus standi till end of the year.

And there was murder case by a 17 year old 2 weeks ago and my dad emo-ed about it for few days. Thinking how could the accused live now. Thinking how does the victim's family doing now. Thinking how could the accused do that. And there was a ruling yesterday on a self-defense case on a murder. Again, my dad ask me, how do i feel when i see all this in the court.

Me, sorry but, somehow I don't feel so much now. Save my feelings as feelings does not help me at all. Feelings does not help you to think rationally. Feelings does not help you to think better as a lawyer. May be I've never involved in the cases before. May be I haven't seen a lot. or may be i've seen to little. or may be i'm just ignorant. or may be, just cause, it does not help at all. Being compassion for people is good thing, but I think, what you do about your heart for the people is different thing. Just by being compassion, i think, we can just save the feelings. Having the heart of compassion and doing something about it, that, I want to be.

I still get irritated when client scolded me. Just in my heart, I'll say "FU,TQ!".

Wolverine or Two Batmen

I've been getting some weird comments in reply to what I wrote on my FB status. And somehow, all the rants, majority of them, misinterpreted by people as connected to my job. I don't know how people read it or misinterpret it as it is, but probably because people think my life revolve around my work.

Knowing the high level of P&C required in my job and knowing the town is so damn small that words travel really fast and knowing people add spices and opinion of what they thought it is onto the interpretation they made based on the original sentence or content, I refrained myself from writing anything related to my work, my colleagues, my case and etc.

But somehow, people see it that way. I do not know why. To know the exact meaning, ask the maker, me! :)

No, my words are not optical illusion images.

My Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know.
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way.
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe.

La luce che tu dai
Nel cuore restera
A ricordarci che
L'eterna stella sei.

I pray we'll find your light,
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are..

Nella mia preghiera
Quanta fede c'e.
Lead us to a place ?

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza,
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza.
Ognuno dia una mano al suo vicino,
Simbolo di pace...di fraternita.

La forza che ci dai
E desiderio te
Ognuno trovi amor
Intorno e dentro se.
Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above.
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love.
Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverai...

(by Celine Dion n Andrea Bocelli, The Prayer)

Speaks my heart, my prayer, for you. All the best in exams People! God Bless!

17.05.2010

photo courtesy of dannychoo.com

The Real one and the Miniature one, both, I like.

Just Keep Holding On

One Day You Will

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

Chorus
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

by Lady Antebellum

If you can find comfort through songs, that you were listening to the radio and suddenly this song speaks to you, and of all the sudden you think that, someone somewhere also going through the same thing as you do, and that someone actually knows and feeling what you're going through right now, you know you are not alone. Just keep holding on!

Thankful

Despite all the things that happened, I just want to thank Him for His mercy and love. Can't be more than grateful now, for all that He has done. God didn't promise a smooth and easy life but He promised He will be there for us. And I'm thank ful

*listening to Teman Sejati by Juwita Suwito

Our D eep est Fe ar

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

(quotes by by Mari anne William son)

Tangled

It is said and known, in between picking up the sword and strike or defence yourself and picking up the glass to reach a covenant or understanding, it is so much to just pick up the sword and to defend yourself when the enemy is right in front of you. Be it the enemy or close acquaintances, friends or loved ones, how many times we pick up the sword to strike or we reach a mutual understanding.

Just last week, our client's opponent called the firm up and I picked up the phone. The moment he said hello, I know I was in deep sh*t, knowing, it's the mad person I have to face. True enough, the guy first asked about the updates in regards with his matter. And he didn't know anything about it during the last month as he has moved to another state and updated us the address, which we didn't take notice (and still send to the old address). In the end, I was scolded or blame was thrown to me, though it wasn't me who handled his file. But doesn't matter who, I just let him scold, stupidly, and in the end he slammed the phone on me.

I didn't feel anything about it. We, sometimes, encounter all this nonsense people and whether we allow ourselves to be affected by them, is our choice. Later on, when my boss was around, just out of lack of conversation or the awkwardness of silence in the working station when he was using the cubicle behind me, I just told him what happened (cause a lot of these things happened and we just report it to him, so that he knows how to handle them in future) and how I handled it. Well, he asked how did i react or response. I said, I didn't do anything. rather than going forward to reason / scold / explaining (which is not my fault at all on my part), I just kept quiet and let him finish whatever he wanted to do by calling us.

And it strike me that, my boss was saying, my method of handling these matters, rather than going front, I just step backward and have my moments, be it to look, or not to be overwhelmed, or just don't want to be affected. And what boss said or mentioned about me that, the moment people strike and I just let, people will keep striking me (in that same matter). Not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing.

It is so much easier to take the sword to just strike or defend. So much easier to just utter the words that come out from your mind when you're kinda irrational because of overwhelmed with whatever that is happening or just happened. But, I always choose not to tell or explain my stand or position in that matter, which is a disadvantage to me.

Something very saddening just happened and I'm still trying to overcome. Though I know it's a whole misunderstanding, but I still keep it to myself and hold it to myself, though it aches my heart. How I wish, an understanding of both side can be made, raise the glass and move on. Cause whatever that we had before, I have fear that it's gonna slip away, or already slipping away bits by bits. And, whether this worth what we had before, only we know. It's really, a whole, misunderstanding.

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around!

5 months and Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my last day of work, after extended the period twice, or more than that. Especially that all my bosses are super nice people to work with and to know more than just employer or acquaintances. Well, one of them annoys me very much but I enjoy complain about him until i kinda miss him if he didn't come to the office. haha.

Malacca Trip

Anyways, I went to the Land Office again this morning at Shah Alam. Just did some matter there that required less than 5 minutes of mine but the travelling to there and back to office, took me about an hour n 45 minutes altogether. crazy pack on the road. Not much to complain, I've never been to the Land Office before, so, it's an eye opener, to know things out of the ordinary.The accountable drinking sessions n the chat

Well, there's so much to sum up the whole working period this time. I really enjoy the work and the life I had during work. Happening I can say. And I will miss this for the time being, to move on back to study life, working hard for my cert to practice.

Putrajaya
Today sort of like the unofficial last day. Me and colleague keep telling the boss bout where is what, and what stationaries he should buy and shouldn't buy, how to save on office stationaries and etc etc. We were just there for 5 months and yet we're the one telling the office matter. And he keep saying "how am I gonna survive here without both of you...." haha.. At least, we leave a legacy there in the office. From para legal to clerk to PA and Secretary to Office Manager / Admin to in house IT technician and Fax Machine & Printer Technician, we did all that. we actually fix the giant printer ourselves without calling the printer guy, and also refill the toner. We actually had fun! It will be, those were the days.....

St Patrick Day at One Utama.

Anyways, I shall just say, best of luck Ms Colleague. Thank you for filling me in as I MC-ed and took leave more than you. Thank you for filling me in as well as I'm always late to work. As I always say, if there's a best employee award, you'll get No. 1 and I will be No. 2. Hehe. I will miss it working with you. Till then.. All the best!

Genting, after 14 years never been there...

Next chapter in life, here I come, with much excitement, fear and anticipation. Whatever is it, I'm rest assured, knowing, He holds the future. I look forward to it!!

Daph's Surprise Party + Dinner

k... I dunno what to say but still got photos of events / activities that I did but not published here. Prob next time. God Bless you all!

photos credit - Simon Kwong. some, the obvious non-pro ones.... are from my fon >.<

so how?

gone crazy I know. irrational you can say.

the journey there, was crazy, though we got lost. the journey back was worst. alone and afraid, as it's dark and not familiar. but knowing that u're madly worried for me, knowing that ur hugs show that u cared so much, makes it worth it all.

i'm not sure where is this heading, but i'm looking forward to... to all that possibility that I thought impossible.

A possibility

I saw you for the first time, the other day. You were walking around, mingle around with your friends. You in your suit and collar shirt just captured me.

Then, later on we were introduced. I just know your name. nothing else. But something in you, just stays in me, at least, keep me thinking.

And then we started hanging out. I get to know you. Flattered and blown away, I hope, something blossom out of this.

You, I'm looking forward to......

pre-Cny 2010

Suddenly I lost of words. Haha. Not that I don't know what to say, but just, not in the stamina to produce a post that can be read by people. Haha. probably too excited. thus, no time for really deep thoughtful thing.

Anyway, I've been partying a lot, every week!! thus appear like a zombie during the weekdays in work. No time to sleep, a lot of time to party. But I really enjoy this time. This period of time, where I've got no commitment towards anything but just my responsibility as a paralegal in the office and a daughter to my parents and be responsible to myself and some other p&c responsibilities. I got no financial commitment, relationship commitment, or other etc commitments. Probably I know, this period of few months will go very fast and I would not have time like this in future, that's why I'm enjoying it to the max.

And so, while everyone is on the way back to hometown, or already back, or waiting to go back. And yea, i'm going back, few days later. Am celebrating the first few days of CNY here in the big city, which is not my first option. This place, prob is my last choice. I miss visiting relatives and eat and chat away, hoping from one place to another place to visit. Chasing after the lion dance truck, watching lion dance performance. CNY without lion dance and fire crackers, is not CNY.

Cut the crap. Happy Chinese New Year. Gong Hei Gong Hei!!! *dong chiang dong chiang*

Take lots of angpao, eat lots of mandarin oranges and have more time bonding with family and friends. Take care! See you around!

God Bless!

06.02.2010

Took this yesterday. It was raining heavily and I was in the office, dry and cozy. It always feel contended knowing that I'm so blessed, when it's raining outside and I've a shelter to be dry. But usually, I like this spot in the office as I can look down and see people and their life. But I wouldn't stand there more than 5 seconds as it's at the main working area and there's people around. It would be weird if I stand there long and just look.

First 30 days of 2010

I'm Loving it!