Runaway

yea, easier said than done. I don't have the courage to face it. I don't know how to face it. The brain says one thing but the heart says another. Instead of facing it, what I know best, is runaway. Although I've said, I have your back. But, to be honest, I really don't know how to have your back. And "I will always be there" seems to be taken for granted sometimes.

So, what I know best, is run a w a y . . . . .

Believing and Supporting

Few weeks back I've been thinking, what if you're thrown into a situation where it requires you to support even though you don't believe in it.

Months ago, in the midst of busyness with work over the weekend, I allocated the afternoon of the weekend to help gf's sister. She wanted to join a dance competition and in order to join, they need to send in a cover, a video of them introducing themselves and submit together a video of their dance. So, gf actually went around with her sister and the friends to do the cover for the DVD and later on I join them for the recording of the dance.

The dance, at the park, under the hot sun, to avoid crowd, was, hot, sweaty, and hot. GF trusted me so much with my skills, so I was there to record and all, together with them under the hot sun. Yea, and when we were taking a break, gf said to me, "so much so being supportive yea." Knowing they will compete with other countries as well, knowing it would be really competitive as dances all around asian countries would be submitting their dvds, knowing that their dance do not really stand out, knowing the camera lady sucks as well, knowing there would be not canggih editing and cropping and cutting and etc, they still took their time in preparing for their dance including what to wear and what song to pick to dance and practice the dance. seriously so much effort but they enjoy it. Well, knowing it would be one out of a million, what are we doing there?

I am not sure how would I react or how I am going to handle if my kids wanted to do something which I think it is quite impossible. Knowing the outcome would not be as idealistic as they actually think, knowing the outcome would be one in a million. I assured my gf, that it's not about the outcome, but it's about believing in them, giving them the confidence and assurance that they need as part of growing up, giving them the acceptance that one day, they will succeed as long as they don't give up. Well, said is easier than done.

Today, my gf asked me for my blessings. For something I don't believe in. For something I don't have confident in allowing her. I said "Sorry, I can't give you that blessings. I hope you understand..."

Really, easier said than done. Supporting them even though you don't believe in them. At last I understand how it felt like when parents don't agree with what I am doing or wanted to do. I don't get the support either for doing what they do not agree. But one thing which I am different from them is, I still have my gf's back. I'm not going to point finger and shout "i've told you so". But i told her, I have her back and i will always be there, whenever she needs me.

Still..... it's so hard to support even though you don't believe in it. Still, no blessings from me.

The Hope

Each day I wake up feeling good about the day, telling myself, today will be a good day, better than yesterday. But as the day turns night, things seem to turn upside down, and all I can hold on to, is, tomorrow will be a better day.

Life has been a roller coaster and I couldn't recall any period where it's pleasant and quiet. As if the quiet sea is awaiting for the storm to come and during the storm, I just wish that the sea calms down. But what is life if it's not for the ups and downs.

The only hope that I have, for He holds tomorrow, the same as yesterday, today and forever.