Drawing Class

It didn't start out well. Before we experience it ourselves, we were given bad impression about it. Not sure if it's the bad perception that I had, or it's really the truth, but I know, it's not gonna be an easy way.

On our very first class, the lecturer welcomed us "Welcome to hell!!". -__-

Sometimes when I'm bored in class, I'll make some sketches on the notes or book, but never get to draw so much, as much as much as now.

After 6 weeks, one subject finished its syllabus and another 2 half way done. And I, only finish reading half of the syllabus of the first subject.

Sad. while struggling with this, I'm still thinking whether this is the way that it should be. I've missed the train 3 times, and I start to think, I am really a failure in planning for myself. or should i say, i don't even know how to plan for myself. I remember uncle N said, do and decide things based on your own conviction, not others opinion/suggestion/whatsoever. But, whatever plan that i have, it will be crush down. It make me start to think that, I'm no good in this, can't even decide for myself. All I can do, which I'm good in it, is sit down and cry, later pick myself up and continue on walking the way I should be.

Is CLP the only option? While it is the perception that girls should get married when they're in the age of 28 and everyone will start panicking if girls still not married at the age of 30, While it is the perception that we should start earning money at my age and not still depending and relying on parents for money, it sank into me that if i take a gap year, i would graduate as a lawyer at the age of 30.

Now, i dare not dream, dare not think. I can only think, of what I should do now. I'm not brave enough to crush the wall, not strong enough to prove the world that what I've decided is the best way. I dare not look far and plan, for so many things just pull me down and prevent me to fly higher. I always want to be outstanding, for i think life is not just about going along the flow, graduate, work, get married and have kids. But now I start to think, my dream, is far from reality. Not in terms that I cannot achieve it, but it seems unreachable.

I don't want to be anything other than me.