Memories II

It was a normal day, like any other day, of college life. I arrived at the main door of the college, looking at the familiar security guard busy guarding the safety traffic. the guards that bias with the type of car you drives were not there, the one that Yeng wanted to scold so much, the one that let the BMW waited there by the side, while me in Kembara was chased away. I wonder why. At least, I'm the one driving, and he's the one under the hot sun.

the red light went off, indicated that there's parking space available, and i drove in, to the carpark. The barrier went up after i scanned my ID card twice, as usual, and i drove in. The so-called VIP carpark was full. I used to park my car there, had the space booked for me as if. During the first semester in the college, we had classes as early as 8am and i usually arrived college at 7.15am. Had my usual shot of coffee with the free copy of The Sun, in the cafeteria of the college, which look more nicer today, after the renovation.

I glanced through the cars and plat number, while looking for empty space. Was looking for familiar car or plat numbers. Hey, that was where Sze and Chin always parked their car. But not today. And then, i drove in slowly, passed by the science lab where we had our land law class. Oh, i remembered we saw a couple standing outside, behind the class. The girl was, crying i think, and the guy was, comforting her and obviously, they were hugging. Mind my own business, i didn't look even further what they were doing there.

there i passed by the place where darren always park his car. he always get to park at the shaded place during the rainy days, and tracy would always smile happily, thinking how detailed is the boyfriend and trying to make us jealous as we have to run under the rain to our car. But, after successfully making us jealous, she would offer us umbrella, which the gangster me, usually don't want and ended up running under the rain, with my jacket of course. but today, no red car around...

I went in further, passed through the staff parking. tried to look for familiar car, yeng's car. there is empty space when i just entered the car park, but knowing that they're already in college, usually I'll go in straight, to find empty space nearer to yeng's car. i don't mind the walking, i went in before, to the furthest carpark, knowing that, there's someone walking with me. But today, only my car, only me, going to college.

After I parked my car. I walked into the college building. walked through the pavement where we always had small conversation, of where we are going later or where to eat, of what to do later or where to meet up tomorrow, of what tutorial to do or topic to study in preparation for next class, of which notes to be photocopied and which notes to bring the next day, and a lot of other things. But well, i'm walking alone today. In my own pace, in my own timing, i walked. I'm not in a hurry, I'm not meeting anyone, I'm not attending any class, and hence, resulting me trying to walk such that time past faster.

I walked up to the 1st Floor, heading to the School of Law. The smell of the stairs and corridor was very familiar, the smell of stink moulding made from dough into different kind of sculpture, a project did by the hospitality students. Some familiar faces were there in the office, the lecturers whom busy preparing lectures, notes and tutorials while administrator trying to keep the database of information up to date. Students where having meeting just outside the office along the corridor. No familiar faces, i suppose, they must be thinking I'm a new kid here. The ones that I was looking for, was not around.

I head to 2nd Floor, peeped through door and saw who was working at the front desk of computer lab. Saw a girl, busy reading her own book, and suddenly interrupted by a student. Oh, we used to hang out there, waiting for Addy to finish off her shift and go lunch together. Anson was there, all the time of her shift, after she complained about the supervisor of her. But today, it was other girl on shift. While reloading money into my student ID, i thought of the incident of me tripped by my own pants and fall at the stairs towards the computer lab. Luckily I didn't fall and roll down the stairs. But it was dramatic, with all my books flew all over the place and in this kind of situation, you hope that there's a big handsome guy there trying to hold you, but, there was a girl in front of me, helped me to gather my books and asked me whether i'm alright. it's good enough right, at least, someone helped me. Oh, i forgot about the other incident, tracy, slipped at the staircase as well. oh, please don't ask her about it. I remembered teasing her for the whole week about the incident. And there i went to the library, through the stairs, that tracy.... fall down before..

the library was cold, as usual. but it's more than that, it's cold outside and inside me, cold as well. i tried to scan for familiar faces, but non that i knew of. i went to the rack of law books, search through for books for the new subjects. Familiar books stood out among the rows of books, as if telling me, they miss me so much. those were the books that i used during the battle, my year 2 examinations. those were the days we went to the library just 30 minutes before it closes, to return, renew and borrow books. the tables that we usually sat, now, occupied by students from other programme. that was where, we had our revision together, discussion and arguments about some issues whether it's regarding law or some hot entertainment news, and where we always camwhore and over the other side of the library, in the discussion room, we had our photo session before, and the truth or dare games, where Addy took out some books full of dust for nothing and placed them back. those were the place that we had arguments, disagreement and misunderstanding but at last, we kiss and make up, together we continued on our journey, towards the goal that we're heading, LLB.

As i continue on, i know, there is no point looking back. I have memories of us, sadly, those memories i will not experience again, but rather, will accompany me, at least, until the time i graduate from this college, from LLB. The earth still spinning, and people keep on walking, and I know, i have to move on. whether i'm in the slower pace, or on the pace that i should to accommodate with pace around me, at least, I am still moving on. I dare not forget about the memories, but yet trying to control my thinking so that those memories will not overwhelm me. i told yeng, to create new memories while she's in UK and to tracy, don't be afraid to explore and see new things, but me, trying to create new memories, in the same place. I know, It will take some time, to overcome, it will take sometime to be back and get on with life. I know what i look like now, like what ms lecturer said to me today, "you look so dead, so so so so dead". I know, soaking myself in the past will not help me to be in future, and i'm trying, to get myself out of it. It's a phase that i'm going through, hopefully, i start running again soon.

To those out there, I really miss you.