It's Saturday again. Today was a not-so-good day but still glad and rejoice. It's always that on saturday that I'm quite down in the mood. Most probably because i've been attending church service alone, for the past few weeks. If I see any familiar faces, i'll sit next to them. If not, i'll sit by myself. But today, I next to an uncle who doesn't pay attention during praise and worship. Hmm. The projector was "attacked" a few times and the computer went blue screen and the uncle "eh, physical memory....". K, he was singing while looking around, which annoyed me. And on my right side, an auntie who kept shaking her the whole time. She shaked every few minutes,shaked until the body shakes and i can feel the vibration, and it made me dizzy.
I can't help but to think, why am i alone again. Really, no one will know if i don't attend church. I can't help to think back what I've gotten for the past 8 years here in I know i've been missing in action for the past 3 years. Not sure whether i was too busy with my work that i've forgotten about investing in people, therefore i'm quite alone. No, i'm not being self-sympathy. But that's quite sad, and i can't help but crying during the praise and worship. with all the noise of the drum and the electric guitar, it just sanked in and i just stood there trying to sing along. But it was good, just being me and me.
It's been a while, and i'm now feeling the exchaustion. I can't wait to go back home, and to be myself. Just tired leaving up to expectation of people, trying to be the person that others want me to be. And all the disappointment that i get, making me tired. I know, it's my life huh. But we're in a community connected so much to each other that we couldn't really do what we wanted to do.
So, i went pasar malam just now. Pasar malam has been great for the past few weeks. the only place that i go to walk around and relax. can't wait for exam to be over. i'll buy all the food that i want to eat and walk as long as i want.
ciao. back to studies.
take care people!!
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