Someone

Lately I had not been sleeping very well. Not that I'm too tired or stress over studies, but just couldn't sleep well. It's already a month after the new year, but yet i couldn't see any changes/progress in life but still carrying the same burden, the same problem. No one seems to understand, not even me know it myself thoroughly. I wonder why.

I can't say every decision that i made is correct, nor I can say, every steps that I made, I made with no regrets. With the same situation given at the 2nd chance, I'm not sure whether i can do better, or I'll lead to the same way. The thing is, I've been carrying it alone, all by myself.

It's no easy being someone much more mature, someone under the spotlight. Someone that people look up to, someone that people see/analysis every action and word of mine. I would rather be the person behind the stage, walking not under the limelight and yet still equivalently important. Is this possible?

If you ask me to differentiate between black and white, I really don't know what's the criteria or requirement making it black or white. Things can never be purely black or purely white, and human can never distinguish strictly the colour of it, as individual human as different interpretation.

As for me, I'm not sure why, but I just know, I am afraid of disappointment and getting hurt. The thing about taking the heart out and treating people sincerely, sometimes everyone appreciates them, sometimes it's not appreciated. And the thing about doing good deed for others, sometimes people doesn't even know you're being nice to that person, or even protected that person once as an angel. Famous quote of all season, to give and take and when the right hand do good deed, don't let the left hand know about it.

My firewall is getting higher and higher, my guard is increasing from time to time. To prevent people from getting in, and to prevent people from hurting me. I am constructing, a world of my own again.

Can someone crush my wall down though u know you'll get hurt in process?