Sunday, April 20, 2008

20.04.08

Today i went to class an hour earlier, which is NOT me. am known for not being punctual, what more being early. Haha. Class was postponed to an hour later, which non of the classmates thought of telling me. And a few of them told me the same excuse after i asked them one by one, why they didn't tell me. "i'm just helping you to be early. See... you're early today!!". grrr.. even mr lecturer said the same thing. -__-'''

Still, in the midst of preparing for exam, and troubles never respect people. While trying to concentrate on studies and chasing after time to meet the target of the day, well,
a lot of things delay us. Troubles. For those that is willing to hold the burden alone trying not to interupt my attention, i appreciate all the love. But troubles doesn't recognise status and condition. they are not exceptional and like the summer in Malaysia, it's a whole year season.

if only people learn to forgive and forget, if only people learn to love self-lessly and not selfishly, if only peope learn to give and to hope, if only people learn to look at the bigger picture (general satisfaction) rather than the small small picture (own satisfaction).

I heard from the radio,
A teacher draw a dot on the white board and ask her students what can they see. unisonly they shouted "A DOT!!!". the teacher asked again, is that all you can see? A dot, they replied.

often our eyes, focus on the little dot and can't take our view out of that dot. is that all you can see? a dot, which equivalently a mistake. often in relationships, people remembers the mistake that u made, the things that the other person doesn't like, the expectation that wasn't fulfilled, the things that hurt you and others. all this, sum it all, can make a big thing. but looking at the other way, they forgot how people has given out to love them, the sacrifice that they made, the effort that they invested in the relationship to own that place in your heart and to continue to hold on to that position. well, no one is perfect. no one is good enough to say, i've never done anything wrong to you before.

My mom likes to nag at me. she can nag nag nag and naaaaag all the time. who likes to be nagged??! 
not me!
but, in times when i need support, especially in the midst of exam, her nagging becomes my encouragement, 
becomes a support for me to walk extra miles, and a way of loving me. 

a lot of times, we stand strong in a view and complains about things that is incomplete, or rather, things that is not according to our way. My mom's nag is really terrible. But, if you think in another perspective, hey, sometimes my mom's nagging makes sense. she loves me, that's why she gives advice, in a nagging manner.

a lot of times, we ask, what do you have to offer me. but a lot of times, we forgot that our blessings are thousandfold, that we forgot, we can actually bless others and offer to other people.

well, i'm lucky enough not to have relationships that is close enough to have relationship problems. i'm not avoiding it, it was a choice, after all.

but among all, if only people learn to be meek and not ego. Ego can be a wall, that stop u from blessings that u can't imagine off.

k... i shall stop now. too much i dunno what is it. must be the jurisprudence class that makes me think of nonsense.

what am i talking? nonsense lorr.........

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Believe

I remember last year when I just started doing revision for my referred paper, it was a struggle to me. Wanting to study and absorb everything that i read but at the same time, my heart keep blaming the subject which made me stay in KL for my year 3. I thought i'm going to fly off in september last year, but i didn't get to. all because of a silly mistake.

I remember during that period I was struggling, i texted my big sista, asking for strength and prayers. says her, know that what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good ya.

I went through it, and of course, i passed the paper.

And now, I'm preparing for my final year exam. Struggling of course, but always, God is good. No one understands what we're going through except for people that is going through it together with me. only in them i find strength and courage, and of course with prayers, i survive till today. until this point, if i don't help myself, no one can. if i choose not to continue on and just stop, no one can help me. It's me who decide, whether to continue or to stop.

Till now, whenever there is bad thoughts, i keep telling myself, knowing that God meant for good, devil meant for evil. I keep telling myself to focus, focus on what is more important now, which is the exam. there's no way of turning back, it's just cms close, to success. like what i told sy, our leg is up already, waiting to jump over to success.

no point turning back, no point going through the emo. right now, just have to pick and choose the emotions that is good, to be in the best condition to survive till the exam. Filtering i suppose, to hear what can build you up, and not things that can tear you down. saying is easy, i'm still trying too, till today, to focus. i couldn't agree more with what ty said, all the things that is not important, take it as an entertainment for break inbetween studies. haha.

i didn't meet my target today. been slack, been playing today. but well, no point turning back and whine about it. as long as i continue moving... though a bit. but as long as i didn't stop. yea? haha

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
So can you, if only you choose to believe!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Amazing Grace

It's interesting to know, bits and bits of us, we a product of things that happened to us, especially things that left a big scar, or left a big memories in us, or things that were so important to us that is not a constant reminder to us to not to walk back to the same road that led us to pain and so to say, suffering before.

If we think carefully, the way we talk, the way we react to things, the way we deal with things, somehow, some, reflect or the consequences, or the results as to those memories that were placed in the bad memory store room in our heart. Memories, good or bad, somehow, made who we are today.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

Of course, the good ones, we keep. But the bad ones, those that left us "empty" months, those that made us cry every time someone close give us that look, those memories after months still fresh in our mind, the grudges especially, bad relationships and fights, left quite a significant mark, depends on the depth of those marks, depends on how serious was it, depending on how hurt we were.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

And because of all that happened, you told yourself, constantly, i will not this and i will not that. But after being soaked into the matter for so long, so much that we thought we're so hurt that we kept telling ourself, it's okay, let the time heal everything. We were overwhelmed by all the things that had happened, that whenever people share their experiences, we think that, oh well, you're not in my shoe, you'll never understand.

Somehow, part of me, who I am today, is what I've told myself, after the hurts and the bad memories, be it things that happened to me, or things that happened around me. And, it's holding me back, to things beyond my thinking, beyond what I have now.

My Chains are gone,
I've been set free,
My God My Saviour,
has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace.

Today, in the church. Ps Andy did the prayer for closing after the worship. I was touched by what he asked. "Do you have anything that hold you back? The Chain that is holding you back?"

2 weeks after Easter, normally, weeks after Easter then only I really realise what Easter is all about. Every year of Easter, I receive different kind of blessings. And this year, i know, my chains are gone. set free by Christ dying on the cross for our sins.

Is there anything holding you back? let it resurrect together with Jesus Christ! Amen!

(just try to understand what i say. i type out whatever is in mind. in the midst of exam and believe that, i need to share this. God bless! Have a blessed weekend!)

(song by Chris Tomlin, Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone))

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

08.04.08

Just made some changes to the blog. got bored with the previous colour. And the head of the blog, drew it using Paint program in the windows. just for temporary, till i finish my exam.

I'm feeling much better now, after all the tears and prayers and supports, I'm much stronger. Hmm, other than squeezing fats out of us in preparation for exam, other than the sweat and toil, we also lost buckets of tears. At the end of the exam, everyone will come out like zombie, didn't sleep well, didn't rest well, didn't eat well. haha.

2 months more before freedom. Can't wait! But at the same time, hope that time past slowly, because graduation. haha. finally.

May my desire, be His will. Amen!

God bless!


Big eh... it's Tiger Prawn. Yummy.
Had this in future-sis-in-law's house.
The tiger prawn, of course from Sabah.... hahaha.....
thanks to my dad!

Friday, April 04, 2008

04.04.08

I'm still in the midst of preparing for exam. While battling with books, I'm also fighting against bad thoughts in the head. Not many people is being supportive, sometimes, people just utter words without realising that they actually tear people down. So, other than trying to understand the notes that i'm reading, i'm trying hard too, to fight against the evil thoughts.

Knowing that God meant for good and devil meant for evil, I shall keep the faith in Him.

Today, I've bought about RM100 worth of supplements, just to maintain myself in the best condition. To those who are studying for exam, do take care of your health. Rest appropriately!

Till then, God Bless!


Had birthday celebration last Wednesday. more than 20 of us were there.
Happy Burfday Celeste! Forever 21... kahkahkah.....