Juggling and balancing…

You’ve changed…
Huh.. me?

Yeah…. You’ve changed…
Changed… to what?

I don’t know.. I can’t describe.. I just sense that you’ve changed…
*speechless*

That was the conversation that I had with a friend, which is not the first time but twice. I’ve changed, that’s what friend said. To what, I don’t know but I just know, this has been stuck in my head for quite some time.

You came to my life, somehow, our life path crossed and we’re moving in the same direction, towards that same goal of our life.. at least for that moment….

We shared our life, we shared the challenges, the burden, the laughter and tears….

Suddenly you left, heading to another direction in life... what can I do… I’m sad, but i still bless you and I’ve moved on.

I have my life, without you in the big picture, but at the same time blessing you in whatever you’re doing…

Then you’re back, slipping in straight to my life. You said I’ve changed, you said I’m no longer the person you know, you said I’m fake enough to be noticed that I’ve my mask on... but do u know me that well now to place that kind of statement on me...

But what about you? You came, we shared our life and you left as you like and I moved on. I MOVED on… I can’t just stop there for you; I can’t just sit there waiting for you. There’s so much responsibility I need to do, there’re so much things waiting for me, there’s social responsibility I need to fulfill, and friends waiting around… I can’t stop because of you, I can’t wait for you…

Yes, no doubt that it seems selfish that when you’re no longer in my life, I moved on without you. I didn’t wait for you; I didn’t stop because of you. But I didn’t stop emailing you, I didn’t stop calling you and message you, I didn’t stop thinking of your whereabouts and your life now. What else can I do? My phone bills increasing and you’re telling me I’ve changed and you don’t like the way i am anymore?

Relationships, boy girl relationships I never had, but friendships I had a lot. So so so many people come and go in my life, some left footsteps along the way and some did not. Some significantly left deep marks in me, and some uniquely coloured my life. I thank each of them for the good and bad that has been brought into my life. But still, I seems fail to maintain the friendships that I had, as the problem that I have now, is not with one friend but a few….

Life still goes on no matter how, it’s like a car that is moving non stop, sometimes there’s people hop into your car and when it arrive at some destination, they left us, but still, life goes on, cause the clock is ticking and the earth is still moving, and we still.. need to move on. Maybe you’ll say that I’m selfish, when I have you around, we hang out a lot and spend time together a lot, and when you’re not around, I care-less for you and hang out with other friends. But the truth is, no one has only a friend, no one is alone, for it’s your choice, whether to make friends or not, whether to talk or not, whether to sit there waiting or move on with life. Life has been great, having different phases and different chapters, different challenges we face bringing us to meet different kind of people, only true friends that will stay in each chapter of our life. I’m keeping those friends and still keeping till now, no matter how many chapters of life I’ve went thru and will go through in future, these group of friends still are my good buddy friends.

I believe I’ve done a lot and my part, one hand clapping will not make sound, only both hand will do, so I just ask… for you accept who I am now, whatever I am now, for the flaw that I have, for the changes that I’ve made, for the life that I have now. I didn’t ask you to understand me, I didn’t ask you to even try to understand my life now, I just ask you to accept who I am now, because no man is perfect…. but if u choose to walk away... i will still bless you... a friend once told me that i cannot please everyone, to be the person or the friend they wanted, but... i'm happy, as long as they're happy...

And from now, even if after months or years we didn’t see each other, I hope, we’ll still buddies… like what I’ve told Tracy…. No matter how long we didn’t keep in touch, as long as we meet, I hope we can still call each other ‘pig’ and no one is angry but laugh out loud!