Just-some-girl

It's been a week since i came home. Still can't get used to the life there especially adapting to the slower pace of life here and with parents around. Luckily, working in the firm can kill the time, plus earning some pocket money.

Other than the difference in the time of sunrise and sunset, the biggest difference of all, is being to live with family again. I've been staying out of home since 7 years ago, most of the time i'm out there. Can't deny, I like the life of being out there, coming back home meaning my shoulder is heavier and more responsibility, which sometimes, i can't even cope. Sometimes i really wish that i'm a superwoman, but the truth is i am not. To lots of people, i'm strong and independent, to people, i'm carefree and happy-go-lucky, but yeah, that's only when some of the time. I remember i cried a lot the first week i came back during last holiday. Much issues not solved and till now, is still not solved. Growingly tired, how i wish i can run away. i can't just close my eyes and pretend that nothing has happened.

No, it didn't teach me to be stronger nor it did grow me into maturity. It makes me realise how actually i am not that capable in the eyes of people and my credibility is actually, lower than what i thought i was. And with the burden that is placed on my shoulder without expecting me to solve it, i more and more wished that I've never grown up, I've never known so much, and I've never be the person who I am now.

People expect me to be understanding, to take it maturely and to be considerate. it is as if i'm standing in the middle of a crossroad, where people from all direction throwing burden on me and trying to drag me towards their direction, which i try to stand still not wanting to move but instead they rip me off hurting me physically. Why is it so? People just don't realise it, that they are hurting the people around them.

Can i be irresponsible? Can i just fly out high and pretend that i don't know? Can i act immaturely and run away?

I'm not typing this to seek attention. Nor asking for comfort or sympathy. My words uttered from my mouth is unreachable. i can only type it out. what it takes so that people will listen to me? is it measured by the wealth that i have or my status in the society or the amount of recognition that i get or the good deed that i've contribute towards the society. is it just because i'm some girl. Just-some-girl pleads and begs so that she can stand out and voice her opinion and view, which is stupid and unreasonable in the eyes of the people.

But people has forgotten, that they were once... 25 years old. or either way, they were whom they are now when they popped out of their mothers' womb.