Not worth gambling

How many times you think that you're conscious but you are not?

How many times you regret after doing something bad out of your conscious?

How many times you scolded your buddies so much for not watching over you when you're unconscious when the fact is, you chased them away?

How many times you hoped that if only your buddies slap you hard enough to make you awake?

And how many times you uttered, if only if....

A lot of the life experience does make you a better person or mature i life, but some of the life experiences does not work in practice makes perfect. While not having some of the experience doesn't mean we doesn't have a good life or we didn't life our current chapter of life to the fullest, but not having it also makes a different in our life. And, a lot of those experiences did make us stumble and fall, and rise again but yet, we still haven't learn a lesson out of it and continue to step on it while others kept shouting 'it's a hole down right in front of you'. And a lot of times we experience something that others never had before. especially the bad ones, we learn from others experiences and catch the idea, hoping that it won't happen to us.

Does practice makes perfect, or perfectly imperfect?

It's coming soon to the end of the year, or coming to new year, and often we take this time to reflect back, what had happen for the pass one year, what did we achieve or not achieve yet. what is the beautiful experience that we had and still put a smile on our face thinking of it. when is the moment where u felt so warm and loved and when is the moment u felt so lost and nowhere to go, insecured. what mistake that we had done, that we still remember until now, hoping that we don't repeat the same thing again twice. And what regrets that we have, thinking of what causes to the regret that we have, hopefully our path in the future won't lead to the same disappointments and regrets.

It's always good to put your guard down, being meek and vunerable, not pointing to others but to ourselves, about our life and all.

It's so sick sometimes, that we have to think twice about whatever we're doing now, as whatever we do now may affect the future. that's why sometimes, people say it's so tired being an adult (read: mature), and it's better to be a kid (read: kiddish, immature, or still leaving in fantasy). my uni lecturer used to advice us, "pijak di bumi nyata". I believe, whatever we do may leave consequences in future, doesn't matter whether it's a good one or a bad one. it will somehow make a turning in our life. whether we fall or we stand stronger, it depends on whatever we do now. there's no worth gambling our time now for things that is up in the air that we believe we can have it, but the fact is, it's a fantasy. but much blessed, i have a group of people that i trust, that will pick me up when i fall, smack me hard when i 'fly' in the air, slap me when i'm 'unconscious'. I have a good company. Do you have a good company around you?

Priorities and responsiblities.

I always tell mom, giving her assurance that I can take care of myself. Mom still and always nag and nag, as if i just left home yesterday. And i always end it with, 'whatever i do, i know, i am responsible to myself and my life. So don't worry, I will take care for myself, for I have a responsible towards myself'. yeah, talking about priorities. in 5 months time, i'm having my 2nd year examination. How well did i do in my 1st year? Not so good i can say, but not that bad. But, hopefully, i pray, i can fly once again, score with flying colours. Hmm. I know what I'm doing. Do you know?

My Experiences.

I know i worth more that what i think i worth, though when u compare, a lot of other people achieved more than i do at my age. But thinking of the values and the goals that i want in my life, what i don't have as compare to you doesn't mean that i have less worth as compare to you. Never been to Italy or Germany at this age doesn't mean I didn't live my current life to the fullest and your experiences makes you worth more than me. Never been kissed doesn't mean i have less experience that you are. there's things that is worth waiting and never had it doesn't mean current chapter in life is not lived to the fullest.

I don't have anything to be proud of, nor i don't have anything that makes me think I'm much more experience than you are. I only believe in, learning together and fill in the blanks of flaws of the others.

At the mean time, i shall think of my new year resolution.

what do you want to achieve next year?