Jet Lag

It's 5am now and I'm still up. Grrr... i want to sleep but i'm not sleepy. Jet Lag? May be? or May be because of the nap that i took this afternoon, which, i overslept and in the end didn't go to the afternoon class.

I had weird dream, dream of the same kind that i had during the flight back to Malaysia. Probably I haven't transit from the fast pace in London to slow and steady back at home. Yea, i dreamt of things moving very fast around me and me being tensed. Probably because while in London, I need to take care of my parents and be that tour guide. I must know where is the tube station, which one we're going to, which station to change and which line to take. Where shall we go, where is that place, which tube station is the nearest so that my mom doesn't need to walk so much. I need to know all this before hand. In the plane flying back here, i still dream of tube station. People were moving very fast!

So, I got up in the evening and get ready to go class. I took the highway, cause i know the normal way would be jam. I didn't see the signboard so i took the normal way to TY's house, which i thought would lead me to KL. Norpe. I didn't see any KL sign. From Damansara, to Ara Damansara, to Subang to USJ Heights, landed me at the Kinrara Highway to Bukit Jalil, and then to City. Took me freaking an hour and plus. Stupid. I know i should have just go back or turn to somewhere instead of going to class, cause when i reach the class, it's another hour to go. I walked into the class pretend that I came from the toilet or something, not the have it written on my face "i was late!!!". I walked past allen and he says "you better don't come then". -___-'''

I came to class, cause I want to meet the people. Haha. stupid one hour, most of the time i tried to pay attention, but instead, we were giggling and catching up.

Now, I suppose to run some errand tomorrow morning, which is later, few hours time. But not sure now. haha.

I've just transferred all the photos I took during the trip and it's more than 1000 photos. I'll just need time to filter.

So, now, i'll try to go to sleep. Nighty nights.

I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to see you again. I'm glad, there are people waiting for me to come back. God Bless you!

Took this on the way to BAC in the evening.

The Acknowledgment

Tell if if this worth 10pound, cause I don't have any proper photo of me on the stage. In fact, i think, none!

21.03.09

Since i can't login to FB, so I came here to update a bit about me here. The keyboard of the PC is not the standard US keyboard so i'm gonna make it short here. either that, i'll just ignore all the typo error and just type it out fast.

First two days in LOndon, we still have jet lag because of time difference. I slept throughout the journey, woke up just to eat and then continue to sleep. probablz because i ddinät have enough sleep fro the past few nights before leaving to london. the drinking and the lack of sleep plus classes gave me a good sleep throughout the 13 hours in the plane. when we almost arrive London, i was like.... can we flz for another 10 hours so that i can sleep more?

(the z and y on the keyboard is terbalik... and a lot of other signs)

it's not that cold in london, except that when thereäs wind. the first night i was in london, anson called and scolded me, how come i didnät let him know Iäm coming over to UK. Thanks to ty, he called and the next daz, he came over to meet up with me. His friends came to shop and he accompanied me with parents to Harrods then dinner with keet.

the graduation ceremonz was great. the ceremonz itself was alright, but what makes me excited was being able to meet friends.

so, now iäm in paris. going back to london tomm. caänt wait, cause itäs freaking cold here.

k... gotta stop now, cause the kezboard is torturing me. shall scrap this post off when i go back home and have proper post.

in the mean time, take care. miss you poeple. Ty, say hi to daph. tell her... i thought of texting her but i don have her number in my phone. haha. lousy me. hahahaha. oh ty, i canät text now. left 1 pound credit. but itäs okaz. iäm going back alreadz mondaz night.

buhbye

Time pass slowly please

I slept like 13 hours last night, after 3 days of classes. It's like non-stop classes, from Friday night, to Saturday morning till evening, to Sunday morning till 2pm. Crazey. I always wish if we can have caravan here, so that I can park it right outside the college. Haha.

I feel like cooking when I woke up this morning, so in the noon, I went out for lunch plus groceries shopping. See, I don't normally talk about lunch and groceries shopping, but today, it was public holiday and I didn't expect that it jammed all the way from the main road into the car park. Absolute crazy! And inside the mall, it was packed with people that I have to walk slowly. grrr. Who says it's recession now and here and we gotta start saving up?

So I cooked pasta at night and it was kinda bad. Normally it is good, but probably because it's been a year since the last time i cooked pasta, so, everything is out of proportionate. I poured too much of milk that it looks like as if I'm cooking soup. The cooking oil has expired and the only thing that I have in the fridge is vegetable spread. So, haha, the food sucks!

Anyways, I have class again tomorrow. Just rested for a day and I feel like I didn't do anything. bleh.

How are you lately...

07.03.09

It was one of the nights where I'm feeling so empty. Was driving back from class and don't know what am I doing. It was Friday and I know, I need to be in my cell, so I went. I didn't want to do anything but to sit among people whom once close to me, still, now. I just want to sit there and be in my own world while someone is sharing. And I was hoping that the sharing last forever cause I don't feel like doing anything else but to just enjoy the moment of 'being home'.

My mind flew back to the time with the ex-cell leader with ex-cell members. The cozy feeling of having each other, the sense of security and belonging that i look forward every week. Not that I don't feel it now, it's because I'm not heavily active in others' life and also the cell and the church, and they're not really in my life now. Suddenly I thought of the times where my cell leader being my big buddy. AT times where I stone in cell, she always knew something is wrong with me. And she knew it how to differentiate between the troubled face and the boring face, cause I'll just stone. Though I don't tell her a lot of things, whether I'm going through hard time or not, she'll just know it and always, say the right thing. I really miss those time, be weak and cry over her shoulder, throw all the burden aside and just let it be. And now,I know, I have to stand on my own.

I'm so lost, I told Celest. Though i don't feel like seeing anyone, or talking even, I went to cell, i told her. My thoughts are every where, I can't even explain to her how am I lost. I can't help but tears just fly out when Celest pray for me. I am really so tired.

But I still need to continue on, keep going on, persevere and hang in there. I am strong, as I always will, and I will be.

ps: Thanks for the text tonight. You'll never know how touched I was. I sang that song by myself all the way back home just now, with the radio on. Miss you loads :)

The Appeal

I was doing my reading while clicking on random blogs that i came across this. A letter of appeal from a citizen to the Politician, taken from a full page advert in The Star newspaper on 26th Feb 09. It just amazes me how far this person went to reach out to our government (it cost him more than Rm36,000). I wonder whether the Politicians just laugh about it or bury their face somewhere because of shame. It's sort of like a big slap on their face, telling them not to lost focus on what they suppose to do.

The Letter ...


Dear Malaysian Politicians,

Please stop the power chase, call for a truce and focus on the economy.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all Malaysians, but I have strong convictions that many share my sentiments.

Our concern today is not who rules the country or heads the state governments but the looming bad economy.

Whether Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat leads, it is meaningless if Malaysians have no job to go to, no money to pay rent and no means to put food on the table.

I am a business owner, like other business owners and managers of corporations I have a responsibility to ensure people under my care and payroll continue to have jobs and a decent income to take home. We work hard and willing to go the extra mile to make sure our nation not only survive this crisis but come out stronger and wiser. We need your help.

Let me explain. I am in the business of Training, Development and Consultancy and have 20 people in my team.

Saedah is 42. She keeps the office clean and helps organise the training rooms. She has four children and her husband is unemployed. She was first hired on a part time basis, because she is very hard working and has a great attitude, we offered her a full time job to help provide a stable income for her family. Even then, when her third child started school this year, it was a struggle for her to buy new school uniforms and other necessities. Saedah lives on a ‘kais bulan, makan bulan’ basis, so, if she is jobless, her tap runs dry.

Samsuri is 27 years old. He lives with his sister and her family in a low cost government flat in Sunway. He does our despatch, helps with various clerical works and occasionally acts as a driver. During the first week at zubedy, we learned that he not only did not have money to buy new clothes and shoes for work, he had no money for lunch. Like Saedah, if he has no job, his tap runs dry too.

Alicia in Client Servicing turns 26 this year. She lives with her dad who is 71 years old and retired. Her mom passed away when she was little. Alicia is a hard-working team member, has a gentle caring outlook and fun to be with. (We like to poke fun at her as she blushes easily). Last May her dad went through a major operation, thank God he has recovered well. Alicia needs a job, both for herself and her dad.

Sudesh, 38, is one of our facilitators. When his father passed away last year, he moved back and lives with his mother in Seremban. He shuttles between Kuala Lumpur and Seremban daily, leaving home sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and returning late at night. He is no stranger to hard work and sacrifice, he knows what he needs to do to survive and to care for his mother, but he too needs a job.

Like fellow Malaysians, every one of us in zubedy needs employment, those that live from hand to mouth like Saedah and Samsuri and others like Alicia and Sudesh with family to care for. We Malaysians need the Malaysian economy to be strong. We need you, our leaders, to work hard and to work together to make our economy viable.

So this is my plea.

Pakatan Rakyat, please stop your attempts to take over the federal government and persuade BN’s lawmakers to join you. Stop all legal proceedings, no more 916 and let go, just let go. The nation can wait till the next general elections if they want change. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and gracious and give you their support in the next elections.

Barisan Nasional, please stop any attempts to take over PR states and win over PR’s lawmakers. You have proven your point with Perak. The nation can wait for the next general elections if they want your party. Focus all your talent, energy and hard work in steering the country out of an economic downturn. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and smart and give you their support in the next elections.

BN and PR! Call for a truce. Get together and compromise. Someone has to give in. Or has hate consumed your heart till it blinds you? You can do it. You have enough intelligent people between you. I am sure you can find solutions. Take the nation to heart. That is why you are in politics in the first place.

Focus on the people.

Focus on the economy.

Anas Zubedy
Managing Director
Zubedy (M) Sdn Bhd



Blessed are the peacemaker, for they shall inherit the earth. May God bless Anas Zubedy, that he may be a blessings to people around him, and inspire the others about what we can really do now, instead of crying over things that we don't have in control.

Just Us

The evening before my brother left Sydney to go back home to work, he suggested that we visit the Apple Centre in town the next day morning. The shop opens at 8.30, so we need to walk from hotel at 8am, which means I need to wake up at 7.30am. 7.30am is like 4.30am Malaysia time? Well, during the holidays in Australia, I need to drag myself out of the bed every day at 8.30am, which is 5.30am in Malaysia and in Malaysia, I wake up at 11am.

George St. at 8am

But well, this particular morning, I woke up early, cause i couldn't sleep well. Cause I know, brother is leaving to go back home to his little family and start working that evening. So, I was up early and my both brothers were up too. So, we walked to the Apple Centre for 25 minutes.

Burger King or Hungry Jacks

See, it's not really about the Apple Centre, which 3 of us have the same common thing, going to computer store and stroll around. We used to do this on Saturdays, when I was back in hometown and when elder brother is free from work. It's more about, the time we have together, just the three of us.

I dunno why i took this :p

I let the guys walked in front, while me, busy taking picture, and of course, enjoy the moment of seeing the two guys walking together and chatting away and being able to see my elder brother physically.

The church City Hall

My elder brother and I are very close since young. We went classes and lessons together. We fought of course and held our hands to sleep when we're afraid. And now, having to spend personal time together is really limited, with him having a wife now, and younger brother and I constantly try to get his attention. It's never been enough...

It's TGV - The Galeries Victoria

Queens Victoria Building, the mall that we went the most.

Sydney Tower, at 8.15am

So, here we are, at the Apple Centre of Sydney. Crazy 4 floors centre. I thought, which crazy poeple come to the shop to buy gadgets early in the morning. But true enough, the person that went in together with us, bought a bluetooth headset and a daddy with the daughter came to buy a macbook.

The Apple Centre, with transparent stairs.

Just half an hour there, we walked back to hotel again. On the way, dad called to wake us up, but to their surprise, we're up and ready already! And mom and dad were like "where did ya'll go??" We just smiled :)

I miss the time of 3 of us together, whoops.... 4 actually, including sister in law, no.. 5, including lil sister. haha. When am I going to Sydney again?

ps: I wrote a sad post at first, but wanted to be happy, so I wrote about my brothers, but it turned out to be an emo post >.<

20.02.09

I figured I need to spill something out. Not sure what, nothing in particular to talk about, I just know, I need to type something, to express something out, so here am I in my blog.

It's been a while, it has been roller coaster since the beginning of the year. Last year ended well I can say, I greeted the new year with fresh hope and new perspective of how I want to live my life this year. It's not easy, to let go of excess baggage from last year and bring along only the necessary things in life to move on to the new year. But yet, the new year will still come and wait for no one. So, I hopped on to the bus, leaving the unnecessary things and move on.

What perspective that I've changed. I really don't know. I just know, I need to be happy. I figured that I've lost the glow on my face, that happy-go-lucky glow, that glow that able to bring a smile on the face of strangers, that kind of glow that people would like to see, that kind of glow that draws people to you. I used to be a sunshine girl, but now, I really don't know.

As bored as life can be, I tried to colour it up with different colours. Been meeting old friends and new friends for the past two weeks, catching up with life that we didn't get to share, digging out all stories, especially the sad part and the struggles. Went to catch some movies and did some exercise. Life has been good lately, well, I tried to.

I want to find back my glow, to be the sunshine once again.

I'll be on a trip again, in 3 weeks time, to a place that I've known since young. It's a mixture of feeling, sad and happy. I still regret, for I missed the bus 2 years ago, and also one year ago. Life move on yea, but that doesn't beat a dream that I had for more than 20 years. I know, life is not just about that one little dream, and there is more in life than that one little dream. And probably I haven't even seen the real world yet, and probably that dream is only some dream. Only those that understand this, understands me.

Whether I have a chance to live that dream, I really don't know. But this dream, is still, one of the thing that I'm carrying along.

It was my bro's idea.
Taken in the park at Darling Harbour, Sydney.
It felt so peaceful, to lie down on the green green grass.
Look up and the sun is right on top.
Reminds me of, green pasture, Psalm 23.

Happy Valentine's Day

saw this outside the airport when I just arrived from Tawau back to KK.
Not sure what kind of advert or notification is that.
I wonder whether anyone wud get the first page of
the main newspaper to confess his/her love.

Oh well, we're flooded with occasions since the beginning of the year, full with buying gifts, sending over and receiving gifts. And now, another day to celebrate the love. A lot of people, especially the couples don't celebrate this day as it is a commercialised day, and they don't need this day to celebrate their love. they can celebrate love everyday of their time together. But for singles, we really need this day. haha. if we buy gifts for friends on any other day (other than special occasions), it would be really weird. So, to all singles, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

Happy Niu Year

It doesn't feel like Chinese New Year this time, as usually, the family spend CNY back in mom's hometown till 5th or 6th day. This year, we had a short trip as we have to come back to attend cousins' weddings. Short trip, but enough to make it memorable.

So now, I'm back in KK again, and it's more like wedding celebrations + party + meeting/catching up with friends, rather than CNY celebrations. Attended one wedding yesterday and another one tomorrow, and i run out of dresses. Bleh. Either i recycle (which i don't mind) or I'll go for quick shopping to hunt for dress.

A very close friend came back again from Perth and the last time we've met was 5 months ago, after 8 years. 8 years of no contact with each other, and somehow friendster brought us together again. haha. So, we met up every night since I'm back in KK, catch up on each other's life, even during movies, we talked about other stuff. yea, i know, we should have just go to a coffee shop and talk all we want. haha.. what happen to us for the past 8 years, there's a lot to talk about. haha.

Anyways, for now, Happy Niu Year!! May God bless ya'll abundantly, guiding you wherever you go, giving you all the wisdom that you need in life and May good health, good life, good career/studies be upon you. And please don't listen to the horoscope. they're all crap. it says everything is bad for people who is born in the year of Dog, so, that means I don't need to live? haha.... crap!!

So, good night!

Hello 2009

It's been 2 weeks since the new year, and I'm quite settled down after the holiday and christmas-new year break. Back in classes and still busy tidying up the house. Anyways, it was a great holiday, just spending time with bro and wifey. Dad says we had this trip just to check out the newly wed couple and see how are they settling down.

Well, shops were closed on Christmas Day and some on Boxing day, so we gotta buy groceries before the day and cook our own.

There's no where to go, around the neighbourhood, so we just stayed at home and play, Scrabbles. Our cheeky lil brother complained how unfair is it, as all of us are uni graduates and my bro and wife are working, there's no way he can beat us... yah dah yah dah... but who knows, he won. Highest point!! blehh..

Boxing day, we had opportunity to fly in a 4 seater plane. Lil bro, newly appoined co-pilot, flew us for a while like half an hour, until he got noxious and the plane went up and down like car going through bumps on the road. hahaha.. there is not air cond inside and the window's up. so, it was a bit stuffy. I almost throw out, and kept telling myself, we're gonna land soon, we're gonna land soon. so, tahan till we landed. haha...

The post christmas sales in crazy were crazy. we just went around town, walk and walk and walk, until we're really hungry and went to one of the japanese restaurant and we still need to wait for 25 minutes to get a table. We bumped to a teacher of mine from high school a few days later in this same restaurant. How cool! haha...

Anyways, we really had great time, especially that we had our sister in law to ourselves without brother around for 2 days, and then just brother without sister in law for 4 days. They had different shifts, but all good. If not, they'll just busy paktoh by themselves and abandon us.

More photos, check out my FB. right now, just me and the happy thoughts. Probably will blog about new year resolution sometime later.

Cheers!

Thanksgiving

If I were to describe my year with a box of colour pencil, i would say, this year, 2008, is filled with different type of colour, resembling, different phase of life and the ups and downs. It didn't start off well, as it was the final semester of my law degree. While not depending so much on the lecturer, i have force myself to self-study and hence, landed myself with 43 marks for family law. haha.

I would say, the greatest achievement in life so far, is graduating LLB with a second lower division. Even until now, i still think that it's a big miracle, not that I don't have confidence, not that I don't believe in myself, but just the percentage of people passing is low, what more with a second lower division. it still hasn't sink in yet, that I graduate my LLB and my college is still KDU (living in self-denial i guess... haha). Graduating my 1st degree is not as happy as graduating my 2nd degree, and my parents, still happy till now :)

And to mark another chapter of my life, is the addition of the new member into my family, my sister in law. WE're 5 now. What's more fun, I get to do girl stuff like what sisters do.

While trying to adapt to new environment of studies and the fact that I'm not able to go UK for bar/master, I bought new to keep myself happy. A voilin and a psp.

yea, her name is Carmen

Looking back, how silly I was, thinking of things that I don't have which makes me unhappy. Human just never learn to be contended in life and keep looking at things that we don't have. Quoting Ps Daniel Tan on his message during the last Resonate Service, "don't keep looking at the hole but look at the CHEESE". A lot of times, we keep complaining on the holes of the cheese and not changing our perspective and view, that other than the hole, there's also REAL cheese around the hole.

I am so contended, in God, I thank Him, for all the blessings He gave me.
(okay. photos later as I'm blogging from Australia. Yupp, in Australia now, currently in NSW. Love it here. update later).

So people, Merry Christmas!!! Joy to the World, for the Lord has come!!

Drawing Class

It didn't start out well. Before we experience it ourselves, we were given bad impression about it. Not sure if it's the bad perception that I had, or it's really the truth, but I know, it's not gonna be an easy way.

On our very first class, the lecturer welcomed us "Welcome to hell!!". -__-

Sometimes when I'm bored in class, I'll make some sketches on the notes or book, but never get to draw so much, as much as much as now.

After 6 weeks, one subject finished its syllabus and another 2 half way done. And I, only finish reading half of the syllabus of the first subject.

Sad. while struggling with this, I'm still thinking whether this is the way that it should be. I've missed the train 3 times, and I start to think, I am really a failure in planning for myself. or should i say, i don't even know how to plan for myself. I remember uncle N said, do and decide things based on your own conviction, not others opinion/suggestion/whatsoever. But, whatever plan that i have, it will be crush down. It make me start to think that, I'm no good in this, can't even decide for myself. All I can do, which I'm good in it, is sit down and cry, later pick myself up and continue on walking the way I should be.

Is CLP the only option? While it is the perception that girls should get married when they're in the age of 28 and everyone will start panicking if girls still not married at the age of 30, While it is the perception that we should start earning money at my age and not still depending and relying on parents for money, it sank into me that if i take a gap year, i would graduate as a lawyer at the age of 30.

Now, i dare not dream, dare not think. I can only think, of what I should do now. I'm not brave enough to crush the wall, not strong enough to prove the world that what I've decided is the best way. I dare not look far and plan, for so many things just pull me down and prevent me to fly higher. I always want to be outstanding, for i think life is not just about going along the flow, graduate, work, get married and have kids. But now I start to think, my dream, is far from reality. Not in terms that I cannot achieve it, but it seems unreachable.

I don't want to be anything other than me.

01.10.08

It's been a while since the last time I update my blog. Not that I'm terribly busy, not that I've nothing to talk about.

It's been 3 weeks since CLP classes started, and it wasn't a good month. I felt i had been roller coaster of emotion since the beginning of the year. The 360 degree was during the month of May and June, and the up and down during month of July and August, calm and steady end of August and up and down again in September. Well, I'm quite burnt out actually. While probably it doesn't appear on my face, we still need to look forward and keep walking right?

I was looking through the settings of the blogspot.com, trying to figure out how to shut down my blog, since, I don't really blog, why should i keep it. Freedom of speech and expression doesn't really exist, while laws can't protect us, social pressure also became of the the "laws". The line between law and morality is still very blur, hence, I can't really talk much, but to reserve my posts to draft.

I'm slowly loosing a lot of parts of me, into becoming someone that i barely recognise. not to exagerate but, being cautious about my action/words just because some people doesn't like it instead of trying to be a better person is really tiring. Instead of being confident with myself, I'm slowly think very low of me. I really miss, being me.

So, what's with closing the blog, i thought, what the heck. Just because someone might interpret my writing wrongly doesn't mean i should stop writing. I almost forgot why i start up the blog in the first place. I just hope that through my experience, some people can pick up a 10 cent, or 20 cents or 50 cents. And it's through writing, I know more about myself. I really miss, the bold and courageous me.

While transferring the posts out of this blog, from the very 1st post, i read the comment by Ty, which stopped me from doing what i was doing. It somehow lifted me up, and encouraged me again. Looking at the comments in all the posts, really, not every one of it are good ones. While we expect to get the good comments, bad comments come too. But, constructive criticism especially from people that cares, are really more than just 50 cents. Cause they care, to tell you and they care, for the friendship. I really miss, having my mentors to be my side and keep poking me.

(dad accidentally read my post while blogging and pointed out a typo error :p)

Oh well... just a piece of me.

Second Round

Few days back I received a call from someone that I didn't expect, but someone that I miss all the time. We talked and laughed, about stuff, just like usual.

That night, I was surfing the net as usual, when friend messaged and said, we can check our results online.

Heart beat rising up. Hands were shaking terrible. I tried to calm down. I went to the website and saw the information that I need to fill in.

Shit, i forgot what is my candidate number.

Made a few calls, but no one kept the exam slip. Sze finally found her, and told me hers.

I made a few try, while my parents 'lectured' me for not remembering my number.

Who would remember the number??

While over the phone with sze, webcam with yeng, suddenly i got my info correct, and the next seconds, my results appeared on the screen.

No 30+
No 30+
No 30+
No 30+

Award : Second Honours (Lower Division)

I jumped out of the chair and shouted. Body still shaking, i told sze what i've got. Yeng, of course heard me. The next moment, I was trying to hold my tears.

Mom ran down from upstairs, kept asking how is my result. I tried to hold my tears, but can't help it. Mom saw me kept wiping my tears.

She failed? Mom asked,
Noo..., dad
Huh? SHe failed ahh???
NOo... she passed!!!
Huh... She failed is it???
NO woh!!! She passed already!!!

After all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, I finally made it.

Thank YOU,
for all the encouragement, advice and support
for the time together toiling and burning midnight oil,
for all the study group together be it ikea, library, the discussion room or the cafeteria, the discussion and arguments, made a better me...
for the notes and tips that we shared (allowed me to day dream or go fishing during lecture)
for lending me all the notes whenever I missed classes, for preparing notes and books for me, (I know how terrible lazy and spoilt I am having you take care of me),
for taking the blame for not paying attention in the class (sorry!!!),
for being so selfless in studies and revision,
most importantly, thank you, You, YOu and yOU for being a great friend!!!

Above all, I thank God, for the miracle! I'm wearing mortar board, again! haha...

Finally

I'm home again.

Was on the way back from the airport just now when suddenly, i feel the calmness in me. Hmm, something which is not familiar since I was busy for the past 2 months. The last 2 weeks was roller coaster but all good. Indescribable.

So, I'm going to enjoy my 2 weeks holiday, REAL holiday. No phone calls, no errands to be done, no appointment, nothing. I'm just gonna stay at home, and be lazy.

The highlight of the month is, my elder brother is married. the wedding day was great, apart from the stress that i almost cried, apart from all the hiccups during the dinner at night, it was all good. In between the wedding celebration, the siblings and newly adopted half sibling, Ruth and I went to Penang for visit. Then the wedding dinner at KL, which was great as well. No hiccups and we all enjoyed ourselves. It's amazing looking at the story of the newly wed couple, how God work in their life and how God brought them together.

Will try to post some pictures. Excluding photos from the professional photographers, we combined all the pictures that we took ourselves and altogether is it about 1000 photos. So, need some time to look through it and post them.

Till then, have a great week!
God Bless!

Half

it's always half empty.

maybe i'm living with perfectionist, that i can't live up to their standard.

it's always half empty glass.

why can't you see that it's half full?

everyday there's always something to complain about.

the day is not crooked, the plant is watered, the food is cooked on the table, the bills are paid, the cars always with filled with oil. what is missing here?

3 months ago....

oh come one. give me a break. things that happened 3 months ago and still not solved?

5 years ago....

what??!! 5 years ago and you still dig it out???

i still can't find my way, the kind of life i want to lead, the values i want to hold on to in life and the life principle that is non-negotiable.

as i'm still staying under parent's roof, and a quarter century old, I'm not totally involved in the society yet. I'm covered, protected and hence, have that perfect idea of how i want my life to be. but yet, everything went wrong when i come back home.

Forgive others as God forgives you. No, i can't see that. People hold grudges.
Love is patient. No, love is selfish.

On one hand, i'm giving up on the values that i thought i'm going to live on. But on the other hand, I wanted to make a difference. to live a different life, from what the adults has showed. I know no one is perfect, but we do live towards perfection, to be better each day.

I still don't believe and never want to live the life like them, to hold grudges, doesn't want to let go, to live each day taking for granted the person sleeping next to you, or even person in the same house under the same roof, or life that you're investing. I don't want to bring on the excess baggage each day as I get older each year.

Life is too short to hold grudges on people. But too bad, not many people appreciate this.

I forgot

I miss being happy.

Do whatever I want.

Be however I want.

Don't need to according to situation and man's face expression.

Don't need to think and rethink of what to say and how to say all the time.

Don't need to keep begging people to get things done.

Don't need to do things that is not even my problem at first.

I really miss, being happy.

Sad

This view was the very first image I see when we arrived Redang the other day. Saw this sad coconut tree all alone. You may disagree with me, that the tree looks outstanding among the trees there. Some people say, the way you interpret the picture depends on your state of emotion. A view of a sun half way down/up by the sea, could be interpreted as sunset, a pessimistic thinking, but it could be optimistic too, that the sunset awaits for the next sunrise marks the new day and new beginning. Well, when I took the picture of the tree, I was happy, cause we're in the island for holidays but i still think that it's a sad tree.

I still think that it's a sad tree now.

I'm home

I came home, With a reluctant heart. I know, this time it's not gonna be easy for me. tonnes of work waiting for me, heavy burden waiting to change shoulder. When the plane touches the airport, i still wish that the plane take a U-Turn and fly me back to KL. I know, this not gonna be easy.

As i came home, i was given a to do list. Virtual list. List that i cannot imagine how long. After the hard work of studying for 5 months non-stop, i just hope that i have my life back. Not that i don't want to have a life, but, do i have the choice now? As night comes, I stay up trying not to sleep, fear of the next day, and when i wake up the next day, i try to sleep back, for trying to run away with all the responsibilities that were thrown to me. But well, at least, i still can hear loved ones calling/sms-ing and say hi and ask me how am I, which i look forward all the time, to ease that stress.

I'm so glad i took 2 weeks off after the exam before coming back home. I really miss the time there. I really miss it.

At Redang

At Kenyih Lake (don go there!!). Lousy place nothing to see. the room was great. BIG toilet.
Service was bad. slow as snail. Good companion, great time.