Are you Perfect?

(Again, I'm not writing this when i'm mad or angry. Just feeling disappointed)

My day wasn't that glowing today. My mood was somehow affected by matters and circumstances around me. why would i let this happen? This is so not me.

Again, i was reminded about the principle of forgiving and forgeting. Does everyone deserves a second chance? Or a chance after a chance?

I couldn't imagine how much pain or anger that people have until the point that people feel like slaughtering that person. And it's not as understandable as battered woman who has been tortured by husband for so many years until a day that it reaches the top of her patience that she slaughters the husband out of anger. Or maybe you just say it out of anger or when you're being irrasional, but not many people can utter those words when they're angry, except that it's a really big matter.

So, what's so big fuss about it? Why people wanted to be so calculative, calculating what did this person did to them wrong and how did that person offended them. Basically, everyone is not perfect and we all do make mistake. Then, why it is important to you to remember all the wrongs and mistakes that other people make, rather than filling in your mind and memories with beautiful thoughts. I can't really understand it when my life, my lifestyle, my coming and go, my everything has nothing got to do with some people but some people can come and attack me for things that i never did. Or maybe that's why sometimes people is charged with offences, for things that they never did, like duty of care that they didn't fulfil, or rather, it seems that it's more of moral obligation than legal obligation.

Am i acting in a mature way, or at least, in a level of maturity as i should be according to my age? Yes. I see what is happening around me. Things that i have already went through and now it's their turn. mind you, i'm not that old, just 4 years older than friends in my class. Not 26 darling, i'm not even 24 yet. But so sorry, you cannot understand the maturity that i have because you're going through the process that i went through before.

I've seen people who backstabs people. I mean, really backstab, by betraying friends around. I've seen people who uses friends around to fulfil the dream that they have. I've seen people hide the examination tips so that other people can get lower marks than them. I've seen people who talk bad about their boss in front of the colleagues but gives their sweetest smile to the boss and talk/act to the boss with obvious reason, polishing boss's shoe. If you really count one by one, everyone have flaws, physically and mentally. Everyone is not perfect. Everyone make mistakes. What can u do about it? Keep a record of track, this person did what before. Everyone is not perfect, then why are you still talking to them?

i've met people who come to me for obvious reason, to get more information about studies and examination and to see how is my progress in revision so that they're not so left out compare to me. I've met people pretended to be in the same boat as me but backstab behind me and pretended to be innocent party. But, I still be friend with those people. I still can talk and laugh with them. Cause it's not that important after all, calculating all this. Getting hurt and trust again makes what life is all about, to love and to let go, to give and take, to forgive and forget.

Addy told me to look at the bigger picture in our life. Sze told me to give another chance to ourselves and everyone. i know, i know all this. I know this is not important, cause right now, the important thing in life right now is to graduate with LLB. But, i guess, i'm still hurt. I know i shouldn't be. I can see from the eyes that cares for me, that they're sad to see me miserable without knowing what is happening and couldn't help in anyways.

I'll be fine, i know. My life is my life. I shouldn't be afraid about others, be confidence and not affected by some people's remark knowing that they contribute nothing to my life. I miss the old me, the confident and cheerful me, the one who doesn't care about what other thinks, the one who only thinks, where to eat and what movie to watch. i do not owe duty of care to anyone, except those that i wanted to out of love.

Thank U for making me miserable for few days.
It makes me realise and to know the real friends around me,
making me to appreciate them even more.
I should not be unhappy and troubled by the matter anymore,
cause i know that their heart frown
seeing me miserable and couldn't help in anyways.

read Something to Ponder, by Addy