Just the other day, I get to talk to a friend about boy girl relationships over MSN, while me working. At first, it was just exchanging of opinion and experiences, but later on, the atmosphere became worst as both side did not agree with the opinions and later argued back with own reasoning. Later i found, it was my fault. My friend A, is only 17.
I once shared with a group of girls aged 14-17, about my own experience and what I think about boy girl relationships. I didn't mean to teach or persuade them; I just talk out of the boredom while waiting for dinner during the Christmas retreat last year.
Life at where we are now, growing and still learning, is like hiking or mountain climbing.
We start to climb, just like life, we start to grow and learn. Sometimes we get scratches over our knee or elbows, or we just fall down a few steps. Just like life experiences, we face troubles, we fall but later we stand again. And we continue climb. As we continue climbing, we know how to avoid from getting scratches and learn how to climb without getting injured. But to some people, once they fall, or they are wounded, they stop climbing. Not physically unable to climb but mentally already given up. They think that the view from where they've stopped is beautiful enough. But hey, the view up there is even more beautiful. Don't think that the view now is beautiful enough as the higher you climb, the more beautiful view you can experience.
A girl interrupted me. "but the problems is getting harder and harder, when u walk your life..."
When little kid started to learn Mathematics, 1 + 1 = 2 is very hard. They need to count with their little fingers. Slowly they learn 2 X 1 = 2. Now you learn arithmetic, statistics, and algebra. When you've just learnt 1 + 1 = 2, you think it was so hard. Now when u look back, doesn't it look like a piece of cake to you. You don't go tell the teacher when you're little kid, 2 X 1 = 2 is very hard and u doesn’t want to learn anymore. Don't be afraid of what you're facing now because later when u look back, u will see yourself laughing at the matter. Don't be afraid of growing up, don't be afraid of challenges, as u think back, there's nothing u cannot overcome.
Later at night, one of the girls, Friend B came and talked to me. "I've decided to break up with my boyfriend". I said "what??!!". Apparently after listening to what i've said, she decided to break up her boyfriend. She was only 15 that time. 6 months later, I met her again and she told me. She did break up with the guy and found more blessings than ever. Now, i'm not boasting about myself. I just believe that one person can be another's blessings. what do i mean, we can learn from each other's experience and take it as a lesson for us to be a better person. Now, back to her, this ex of hers, good in academic and co-curriculum, sports and music. (okay.. i didn't mean to persuade them with my experiences and stories. I'm just telling out of the boredom.) She learnt to depends on herself in studying rather than always need someone to tuition her (learn to be independent... i like it...), she get to know more friends and have her own big circle of good friends and her relationship with her dad is stronger now (depending on dad is better than boyfriend right? family will not betray u, boyfriend... hmm...).
What am I trying to say? This friend A argued with me about what kind of experience/blessings we have when we go dating at the young age and life is not as beautiful as having a boyfriend. Now, i'm not saying you cannot date at that age of 17, mind you.
I will still rather climb the mountain alone then having a boyfriend helping me right now. I'll see him more instead of enjoying the climb and the scenery. *blek*
(Oh.. the readers from US, UK and Australia, and also from Malaysia (labuan...KL....)You will think that I’m weird and conservative. I maybe conservative, in treasuring myself for the One. If you have any comments, can leave a constructive one. If you want to argue with me, leave me your MSN Id, we can make friend.....i don't mind. *thick skinned*)
7 comments:
i stumbled upon your blog since i also just started blogging.
it was interesting read to me since i was reading the thoughts of someone young. good to know also that there are conservative young people out there. thought they are extinct. you are doing the right thing.
Girl, I can tell that you're rather reserved with your post here. Drawing the analogy of life & relationship. Perhaps you should be more open and generous with the information. =>
"Don't be afraid of growing up, don't be afraid of challenges, as u think back, there's nothing u cannot overcome." I love this phrase that you wrote.
And I believe that "every challenge is a blessing in disguise."
Oh my Oh my, what a controversial topic that never ended... There is no right or wrong whatever decision u chosen, as long as it doesn't against ur conscious.
I'm a conservative guy too, but with the accumulated experience told me that...it is better to start a relationship earlier. Why say so?
My perspective is...Even you have the opportunity to meet wit someone who treasuring u the most. YES, I would like to send u my devout blessing, but do u think that both of urs may be able to stay together with harmony atmosphere?? I'm not cursing u, but try to raise up my main point here... there are a lot of differences btw MALE & FEMALE, and what we need to learn is the way of staying together and avoid conflicting arisen ... I’m here to emphasize that we should learn it at the aged of 17 or perhaps could be younger than this age as long as we understand the nature… It is not an easy task nor a lesson which could be learned within 1 or 2 years. We have no difficulties to c so much tragedy surrounding in our real life, a couple who loving each other but end up with separate… Why?? Becoz of the knowledge or the “Art” of staying together. I’m sure majority couples who is 1st time Pak To might not be able to succeed towards the path of marriage.
I often encourage my friends (male & female) Pak To early and dun pay out their heart completely to someone (I know girls r the one who always pay out the most while in a r’ship), just enjoy the feeling and learn during the process. Try to think…if u r aged of 25, which is the time to engage in marriage state and U start Pak To and only start learning the way of staying together…Is it too late?? Yes, it is. If u r not lucky enough, u may find that ur marriage may not be fortunate because of the problem that I stated.
The Fundamental of Staying Together: Trust, Respect, Tolerance. Literally interpret, everyone might understand the meaning…but do u think that when u r angry or when you have a concrete evidence to justify ur bf’s fault, will u still be able to calm ur mind and applying the fundamental by tolerance with him. Even if u know how to apply it, will it be any side effect of over-dote?? Therefore, “dun climb the mountain alone when u r young, although it might be scratched but the more wounded that u have, the more experience that u gain…”
Would like to listen ur opinion for my arguement...Hope to hear u soon!
#busydad, thank you for the encouragement, really! thanks for droppin by!
#adriana, haha, you can see that i've got more in mind than i've posted. i made it as vague as i can as u know, this issue is quite controversial.... shall write more....
#anonymous, thanks for dropping by. I will definately write my opinion. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's thru others' experience that we share. but..but... hafta wait till after sunday... it's weekend!! haha
Mr Anonymous, that's a very impressive long post that you wrote. I can agree no more that your point of views do make sense but relationship is not a game where you can switch on & off anyhow you like it.
'I am a conservative guy too..'
'...encourage my friends (male & female) Pak To early and dun pay out their heart completely to someone...'
Now I see you're contradicting what you said.
So, if you dont mind, care to define 'Pakto'? Is it merely casual dating, testing the water, or it goes further to getting to know a person better?
Well, as for me, I don't think casual dating is 'pak to'. Tho I've been involved in several serious relationships b4, I'd rather not climb the mountain when I alone. Seriously, dating is not smth that one need to practices. Afterall, the saying that practices make perfect doesn't apply to circumstances of this sort.
These are merely my humble opinions, no hard feelings ya! Hope to hear from you too.
Thz Adriana…
Yupe, we r here to exhange our own’s opinion, there is no hard feeling, dun worry. Actually, I dun mind for any argument, coz each person has different angle of view. Moreover, we’ll never get a true answer regarding to this kind of topic.
'I am a conservative guy too..'
‘but with the accumulated experience told me that…’ *
'...encourage my friends (male & female) Pak To early and dun pay out their heart completely to someone...'
The paradox might be there if the sentence (*) left out unsaid. I’m not contradicted myself anyway.
Indeed, r’ship ain’t a game neither we can switch on & off arbitrary. However, I still insisted that it is a practice. To be realistic, do you think that 1st time pakto might be able to succeed?? As u said ‘I’ve been involved in several serious r’ships be4…’ it implies that ur experience had told u the answer – It will not succeed. And what is the connection for the establishment of the point of 1st time r’ships?? It proves that although engage in a relationship isn’t a game, nevertheless it is “fragile”. I’m sure majority may not deny this perspective. After the r’ship broken down, what is ur subsequent step?? Sad, cry…?? of course not (yes for temporarily) As life goes on, we still have to look forward, right !! Let’s look at optimistic way, since we can’t do anythg to recover the r’ship, one can do is to keep the sweet memory in ur mind and no regret… Most important, it should be deemed as an experience (practices) for us. Ain’t it?
Well, for the definition of pakto, I think there will be different opinion from both gender. But one for sure is, merely a casual dating is not pakto. I’m not an expert or whatsoever, somehow with experience says, in order to understand the meaning of pakto. First, we should draw the distinction between “Like” & “Love”. It is important not to coincide this distinction in the 1st place. Before setting ur foot into a r’ship, of course u’ll occupy a special feeling towards him/her and gradually evolve to bf/gf (beginning stage of pakto (serious r’ship)).
Question here: At this beginning stage, Do u think that u r LOVING or LIKING him/her ??
……………………………………. (Think 1st before continues.)
In my opinion, this can only be considered as a feeling of “Like”, but not “Love”. Love is something that enhanced from “Like”… Start from the beginning stage of pakto until u understand him/her, and then learn how to stay together and adapt his bad accustom, holding hand pass thru ordeal layer upon layer, eventually there only u can call it “Love”. This sequence of events which needed time to cultivate, but not juz a matter of 1 minute start pakto then u can tell ur gf that u love her…It is fake…perhaps weird. Thus, Guys, plz dun simply say that u love someone, even to ur gf at the beginning stage of pakto, if u do, u r juz jeopardising the word of “Love”, it is a heavenliness word which u shouldn’t misuse. Therefore, the beginning stage of pakto is not more than juz a feeling of “Like”, and we should take it easy. When it comes, then appreciates it and enjoy; if it goes, just let it goes. Since u r juz having a r’ship but not until the stage of loving someone, so there is nothing to lose, instead u had learned somethig. Perhaps, my definition of pakto tends to be imprudence, but refer back to the 1st paragraph…Since it is “fragile”, why dun we look at optimistic side…”If it is ur’s, it gonna be ur’s; if that is not, then deemed it as an practising.
For the standpoint of girl, I would like to recommend that in order not to be hurt, u should only pay out ur heart to love him if both of urs can pass thru the ordeal and the heart still holding tight. It is becoz thru the incidents that u faced together with him, will let u know whether he is eligible to hold ur hand for the entire life…
One interesting point to share with… Majority of girls who haven’t recognize the distinction between Like & Love, normally they will presume that once they r in a r’ship, that guy is cumpulsory to marry him. This is definitely a wrong perspective according to me and not a way of pakto also. Few months ago, I read a magazine, and one interesting topic that gained my attention “Ten types of woman the guys fear the most!!” First column (the most voted): GIRLS WHO OFTEN ASK FOR MARRY…regarding to this, I’ll vote for it as my priority too. Although girls might claim that guy is selfish, nevertheless u can’t change the way of a guy’s nature thinking which inherited since long long ago. Therefore, the beginning stage of pakto only serves as a platform or trial to let u decide whether he is the one for u but not straight draw a conclusion that he must marry u !!!
Btw, I’m not Mr.Anonymous….I’m ur Master Alvin…lolz…
and thz for dai ga che, "rent" me ur place to blog (^^)v i lazy to create my own blog T.T
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