Hope

If only the sun just stay up high now,
If only the clock stop ticking,
If only today has extra 24 hours...

Which one do u choose, a picture of sun rise or sun set?
Friend say, sun rise meaning I'm a optimistic person.
Sun set meaning, I'm a persimistic one.
But, isn't it sun set meaning hoping for the next sun rise to come.

what if, your jigsaw puzzle missing out one piece of it?
what if, one of the action figure is missing from your favourite collection?
what if, something that has been there for your whole life, and now, u start to imagine life without it.
some people may see nothing so important about all this, life still goes on, we still can survive without it.

Not matter how many 'If'... the clock still continue ticking. The sun is going down soon, welcoming the night.

And i'm still grasp onto the Hope that I've found, hanging on with the Strength from Him, trying not to let myself fall down.

Sumthin Farnee

It was during the trip in Beijing, while walking around in one of the famous park, I saw deer (it's deer right? i didn't check). Had my brother took the photo with me....

Then i thought of going near the deer so that i have a better picture with it... But it ran away...

So, i ran and ran, it keep running. I can stand it.. i just laughed.. and a picture was snapped..

So, i ran and ran until i was so near to it.... while posing, the deer turned around and it happened that bro snapped me and its' butt. *blush*

This made me laugh! Enjoy!

Excuse Me??!! - Part II

Read Excuse Me??!!

After the 'rumours' spread....

I'm still confused...O_o

It happens that, most of the time, much of the rumours didn't work out that way it wanted to be at first... I was thinking, why would people spread rumours?

Again, i'm using the story of "I heard ah, A tell people that B likes C".

Okay, let's take the definition here first. I don't want to trouble myself looking into the dictionary, trying to understand what do u mean by rumours or gossip. I'll just take it as;

spreador - person who first talk/discuss/spread about the 'story' of which is according to his/her own interpretation after listening/overheard something or seeing some incident OR make out some story and added on with his/her own opinion of what she/he thinks and conclude that story to another person.

spreadee - person who receive the 'story' 2nd Hand.

Party A, B and C - characters (since it's a story, not the truth) in the 'story'.

If spreador got nothing else to talk about, then gossip about people, i'm fine with it. But what if, story is told, so that Party A and B can add Party C into their hate list? hmmm.... that makes it more interesting to continue on blogging about this......

The worst thing is, the 'story' is never been told as rumours and spreador went straight to Party B or C and tell him that A spread rumours to the whole wide world about B and C, when A and the whole wide world doesn't even know anything about that. hmm... that is so... scary.

What is Spreador trying to do? I dunno, cause i'm not cunning. I cannot think what Spreador is thinking.

Actually, think it for yourself as a spreador.

If the reputation of A you are attacking, do u think that merely with words can spoil a person's reputation? Isn't reputation is built by the respect that u give to people, the relationship u make, the cooperation that u give if you're talking about work reputation and etc u name it. In the end, people will back up A, support and hold A through, and i think, you'll be in trouble.

If the relationship between A, B and C you are attacking, do u think that words can attack a relationship. Just like, I tell u that, your partner is not good enough for u. Will u believe me? haha. If you love your partner enough, even wind and storm can't separate both of you, what bout words?! And in the end, both u and partner will hate me. Same goes to party A and B, will track the Spreador down and put Spreador in hate list instead.

If rumours is spread to make you feel better as a person, hey, no one is better than the other. it just happen that i'm good in the area of you're weak in. Stand up and have confidence in yourself. Beauty of a person is not made out of the physical look but through your heart that shines out your beauty.

What else, i really don't know.

Think with your head, not with your mind. Often we're covered by emotions and feelings that makes us unconscious. what do u really want, what u want to do, think twice first. While you're thinking that you trying to hurt A, actually you also hurting B and C at the same time. What's the point?

Life is not measured by the amount of friends that u have, not the money that you earn, not that certificates that u get as all these will not be mentioned when u leave the world. What do u want people to remember about you, is the thing that u did to people out of the heart, cause what comes from the heart touches the other. I can have 1000 friends but having no real friendship. But i have have a few real friends and live a life full with colours and wonderful excitement. What about you? Some people say, friendship is full with being self-centred and using each other. But think the other way round, friendship is about helping each other as well, and filling in the gap or weaknessess of yours.

Be real, be authentic, be who u are,
don't judge for we are nobody to judge.

(disclaimer. I'm not angry or mad. do i have to repeat this all the time? This is only my thoughts and opinion, illustration above of A, B and C is nothing got to do my real life, people around me. I'm not too much in this, i'm just making myself clear as people can misinterpret words according to their own thinking. If there's anything u cannot understand or u want to fight with me, u can come to me. Not that i'm scared, I just don't want to waste my time being held for defamation -_-|||)

Together we celebrate!

It was Tracy's Big Day yesterday. Err.. not wedding day.... haha... just BIRTHDAY! Had karaoke, but didn't sing much. Went to Laundry Bar after that. Didn't drink much, didn't dance much. But equally tired till i skipped the class the next day. *blush*

We went for Neo Prints in the afternoon after lunch. That was why we were late for class for half an hour. And i've got headache for the whole night after being in the stuffy room to take pictures. keke. awesome memories.

Lunch together.....



Neo Prints....

Later at KTV...

Later on at Laundry bar....

Well well, pictures worth a 1000 words. so... no descriptions, pictures say it all. We had a great time. Talk, chat, laugh, toast, jokes, eat, sing and dance... u name it. Just looking at the pictures remind me of what i have that sometimes we tend to forget; friendship. Thank You people!

Happy Birthday Tracy!
Am really happy to know you,
truly blessed to keep you around.
May your days be blessed with joy and blessings,
excitement and happenings this year and years to come.
Well, a year older now! Haha! Enjoy!
love you heaps~

(disclaimer. if u wonder how true our friendship is, if u feel like u want to puke looking at the pictures, if u wonder whether my
smile /laughter are fake, if u wonder whatever that u are wondering, u can click on the little X with box around it. thank u.)

A good day

The day started with... hmmm.... Yeng 'screaming', 'Wake up, wake up'. Screaming but with her soft and polite tone, my alarm is still louder than her voice. Even the girl next to me also cannot hear anything. Well, i skipped class again today. -_-''' Seriously for the 3 weeks, i've only attended the Tort class once, which i think the lecturer barely recognise me.

Heart melt again today. And it taught me a lesson, not to hold grudges on people cause after all, whatever that i'm holding on to right now, doesn't really matter. I've never hold on to the same matter that pissed me off for few days, to be exact, it was already a week ago. I just can't explain how much dissappointed i am that has turned into some form of anger. No, i am not angry. I am just disappointed. Not at myself, but at some people. Actually, it was nothing. Really, it was nothing to me.

Today, is a good day!

Are you Perfect?

(Again, I'm not writing this when i'm mad or angry. Just feeling disappointed)

My day wasn't that glowing today. My mood was somehow affected by matters and circumstances around me. why would i let this happen? This is so not me.

Again, i was reminded about the principle of forgiving and forgeting. Does everyone deserves a second chance? Or a chance after a chance?

I couldn't imagine how much pain or anger that people have until the point that people feel like slaughtering that person. And it's not as understandable as battered woman who has been tortured by husband for so many years until a day that it reaches the top of her patience that she slaughters the husband out of anger. Or maybe you just say it out of anger or when you're being irrasional, but not many people can utter those words when they're angry, except that it's a really big matter.

So, what's so big fuss about it? Why people wanted to be so calculative, calculating what did this person did to them wrong and how did that person offended them. Basically, everyone is not perfect and we all do make mistake. Then, why it is important to you to remember all the wrongs and mistakes that other people make, rather than filling in your mind and memories with beautiful thoughts. I can't really understand it when my life, my lifestyle, my coming and go, my everything has nothing got to do with some people but some people can come and attack me for things that i never did. Or maybe that's why sometimes people is charged with offences, for things that they never did, like duty of care that they didn't fulfil, or rather, it seems that it's more of moral obligation than legal obligation.

Am i acting in a mature way, or at least, in a level of maturity as i should be according to my age? Yes. I see what is happening around me. Things that i have already went through and now it's their turn. mind you, i'm not that old, just 4 years older than friends in my class. Not 26 darling, i'm not even 24 yet. But so sorry, you cannot understand the maturity that i have because you're going through the process that i went through before.

I've seen people who backstabs people. I mean, really backstab, by betraying friends around. I've seen people who uses friends around to fulfil the dream that they have. I've seen people hide the examination tips so that other people can get lower marks than them. I've seen people who talk bad about their boss in front of the colleagues but gives their sweetest smile to the boss and talk/act to the boss with obvious reason, polishing boss's shoe. If you really count one by one, everyone have flaws, physically and mentally. Everyone is not perfect. Everyone make mistakes. What can u do about it? Keep a record of track, this person did what before. Everyone is not perfect, then why are you still talking to them?

i've met people who come to me for obvious reason, to get more information about studies and examination and to see how is my progress in revision so that they're not so left out compare to me. I've met people pretended to be in the same boat as me but backstab behind me and pretended to be innocent party. But, I still be friend with those people. I still can talk and laugh with them. Cause it's not that important after all, calculating all this. Getting hurt and trust again makes what life is all about, to love and to let go, to give and take, to forgive and forget.

Addy told me to look at the bigger picture in our life. Sze told me to give another chance to ourselves and everyone. i know, i know all this. I know this is not important, cause right now, the important thing in life right now is to graduate with LLB. But, i guess, i'm still hurt. I know i shouldn't be. I can see from the eyes that cares for me, that they're sad to see me miserable without knowing what is happening and couldn't help in anyways.

I'll be fine, i know. My life is my life. I shouldn't be afraid about others, be confidence and not affected by some people's remark knowing that they contribute nothing to my life. I miss the old me, the confident and cheerful me, the one who doesn't care about what other thinks, the one who only thinks, where to eat and what movie to watch. i do not owe duty of care to anyone, except those that i wanted to out of love.

Thank U for making me miserable for few days.
It makes me realise and to know the real friends around me,
making me to appreciate them even more.
I should not be unhappy and troubled by the matter anymore,
cause i know that their heart frown
seeing me miserable and couldn't help in anyways.

read Something to Ponder, by Addy

Just me!

To, you....

I'm still blur. Today, it wasn't me. It wasn't the real me.

It was long ago since the last time i need to talk/laugh intentionally. Why should I anyway?

People say, when u're facing the people that u love, sometimes you dare not to do anything as u afraid u might hurt him/her.

i realised, i was a bit fake today. i'm tired. i know i shouldn't be, but i'm afraid to lose you.

People say, no matter hard people is trying to affect you, as long as your relationship is strong, nothing can change that.

We're strong enough. Hopefully. Even though one day, you and I no longer talk and laugh that much, i will still bless you in everything u do. Really, i do. Cause i know, we cannot keep people to ourselves for a long time. I just hope that even if we did suddenly didn't talk much, or laugh much together but one day, just as we bump to each other in the shopping mall or i call to say hi, we still can talk/laugh like we used to.

love you.

Excuse me??!!

I'm blur.

How can one rumour started without the knowledge of the claimer? Like "i heard ah, A tell people that B likes C" and A doesn't even know about it. I'm startled. 0_o

Even if u heard rumours, well, u know what is rumours. The story that u cannot believe, not even 0.00000000000001% of it.

So, can rumours be included as part of the definition of gossip where people have nothing else to talk about then start to talk about somebody else? Might be.

Well, rumours do go round and round but what do u do when u heard rumours?
1. Listen and Forget about it a second later?; or
2. Listen and add spices (additional stories that u know half of it not true); or
3. Walk away?;or
4. Correct the spread-or.

Okay, what about when u heard that the gossip/rumours is about the person that u care? A, B or C involved in the 'story' is/are person that u care and u know the gossip/rumour/news-that-they-claimed-is-true is not true at all.
1. Listen and Forget about it also a second later?; or
2. Of course u don't add spices right, cause you care for them... so... Walk away?
3. Correct that person who spreads the rumours?
4. tell me what more can u do about it?

I personally has taken number 3. I corrected the person right away. Yupp, cause that's all b*ll sh*t. I'm not boasting about it, but i'm just telling u my experience.

So, what do u do then to party A, B or C that is involved in the rumours spread?
1. ask them what is really happening; or
2. tell them, ("eh, u know ah.. that who and who tell me that you what what what.. bla bla bla..."); or
3. don't tell.

Me.. Number 3. I didn't tell.

Why should I? So that B or C can be pissed about A and so that B and C can add A into their hate list?

To buddies, helpful words and words that is building up that should be uttered out from the mouth. Not words that will tear other people down.

To people that has nothing got to do with you, not even his/her appearance in front of you might make u lose a chunk of meat of your body, u can listen, and add spices. But well, I'm sure you'll spoil your own reputation spreading things that the whole world know it's not true. *smile*

so.. process twice what u want to say, what u want to tell. pick your words, how are u going to deliver it. Because after all, it's your mouth and your heart that people see, not really about party A, B and C. But, whatever u want to say, party A, B or C won't lose a chunk of the meat of their body.. so say-lah...... Just that your reputation will drop faster than the parties' reputation and afterall, after the truth is revealed, you'll be in deep sh*t.

think twice before u say anything!

(Disclaimer. I'm writing this not because of rant or complain. I'm in a good mood. I'm not angry nor mad.)

Learning to survive...

Today after i sent Anson and Addy to the LRT station, I came out of the station and headed way home. Tried several times trying to cut into the right lane so that I wouldn't miss the traffic light, at last, feeling restless, i waited till i let that particular car passed, then only I drove into the rank behind that car. Then only I noticed that it was a car much more smaller than mine, and there were youngsters behind the car.

Wanting to survive?

It reminded me of one of the day during last holiday, i was on the way to work. I remembered I wanted to go to the left lane and i had put on the signal light. But car from behind drove so fast and honk at me. Mind u, it was jam at that time but that particular lane is quite empty. So, i just let him passed and then only i cut in, drove along behind him. Well, he drove a hilux, with so many hello kitty stickers behind. Then only i realised, his kids where behind his car. later i saw him sent the kids to the pre-school which was located along the way to work.

By squeezing and ignoring people?

Question. Does parents need to "behave well" as to give a good example to their children/kids? Well, the 2 incident above weren't that bad, as i also drove quite fast but honk only when people drives carelessly. So.. can be accepted. i also drive like crazy, but not so crazy.

Or it's just the world....

I was one of the first person in the queue while waiting for the Disney Theatre in Hong Kong Disneyland 2 weeks ago. While waiting, I was chatting with my malaysian friend there with putong hua (Malaysian call it Mandarin or the Chinese call it Chinese Language). Suddenly the Aunty next to me shouted at me "Your backpack is scratching me. Can u stand aside or put your bag somewhere else like on top of the garbage bin *while pointing at me* next to you???!!!". She said in mandarin also. Maybe she heard me speaking mandarin. I was like... 0_o. i was thinking, wasn't that because she stand so near to me that my backpack touches/scratches her. It's practically like, when u can't sh*t, u blame it on the gravity. I stand up straight, looking back at her. then i start speaking English with my friend, asked her whether does Hongkies look down on people from Mainland China (Maybe not all Hongkies, but particularly this one that i'm facing, yes, i was discriminated by her...). Yea she said, and i guess, i does look like the girl from Mainland. Well, i start scolding her in Cantonese, not directly, but i say "when u stand so near to people, complained that people stinks and ask people to bugger off?" and also "when your sh*t doesn't come out, and u blame it on the gravity???!!!". She heard it, and knew that i'm pissed. She complained to her fellow kids in silent mode.

later... we saw the senior citizens with wheel chair were placed just outside the door of the theatre. Well, they have the priority, as the chinese saying said, the senior citizens are treasures in the family. Well...

one of the kid....yelled.....
"why they are people in wheelchair??? why they were ahead in front??? why they let them cut the queue and wait in front of all of us???"

and the workers of the Disneyland let them in first with their family.....

the kid continued....
"next time, i want to come with wheels also... then they will let me in first!"

it was so loud and i just gave my friend that look. that look that tells "like father like son". or the malay saying 'macam mana acuannya, begitu lah kuihnya'. or the chinese saying 'shang liang bu zhen, xia liang wai'.

Well, the mother didn't care to explain and continued waiting. Once the gate is open for us visitors, she and 4 kids run so fast in and I saw, they sat at the 6th or 7th row. me and friend, 2nd Row. God Is good!

... that makes us deal with daily life with our own ways, our very own way.....

i bet, that mother and family went through difficulties in life, and they learnt to survive in the society full of materialistic and individualistic minded people. Of course, i'm not saying, not everyone are self-centred enough to care-less about people around them but making themselves the highest priority without thinking of the love and peace of mankind. Oh, not so about being the hero of the world but just to people around you, family and friends.

... by stepping on others, while climbing up your life?

I remembered during one of my major examinations in my previous degree. I arrived 30 minutes earlier, bumped to my fellow course mates. Saw them discussing about answers to some questions, that they claimed, it was tips for the examination. I was stunt. I've never seen those questions before, so I asked, why i didn't get those questions. Friend said, they've passed one copy to A, a friend of mine who stays in the same taman as me. much of still stunt and angry, i went and asked A. I forgot, A said. Maybe, yea, A just forgot about it.

Well, does surviving in the society is so hard that we need to step on others so that we survive? Do competitions among people doesn't care whether it's a healthy competition or cheat, as long as we did win that competition. Or then, it doesn't create competition then. Why not just Pay whoever incharge with whatever amount, then u definately survive through happily without going through the hard pain and toil, and stress and sleepless night. Do we have to polish bosses' shoe and talk bad about colleagues who are in the same position of job as you to get promoted? Do we have to wear so many masks around with bad intention, trying to get yourself outshine one day and be promoted? Alright, take it that we get promoted not because of our capability in work but the ability in 'polishing shoes' and being the best 'criticizer' in the company. Slowly you'll get demoted because your head is not big enough for the hat given to wear. Do we have to go around spreading rumours, talk bad about other people so that it seems to people that you are some innocent fella and so that u look good in others' eyes? Or u just have nothing else to talk about but gossips.... or u just lack of confidence?

Again, we're talking about competition and challenges. Not so wide prospect, but just taking the analogy of climbing up the mountain. Do we need to put insects around people's path so that people will drop down a few stairs so that it seems that we're a bit higher in position than other people? Or we do some work on the rope they're using, that they drop down so fast, so that we look so high as compare to them? But why not, do it healthy way, encourage each other, push each other hard, offer a hand when people is tired or fall and pull each other up so that you yourself also reach a higher level, higher than u expected. Just like talking bad about others, putting on several masks, being self-centred and etc will not only put you on the position where u are, or maybe u manage to go up a few steps further, but not so outshine the best out of you.

yea, u might say, the society is complicated. People became so complicated that we have to learn to survive. and no matter what/how it takes, good or bad, you take it to survive. Well, i can only say, it's your life that matters. not mine. what legacy do u want to leave to your kids, what testimonial u want to have when u leave the world? or u want to leave treasures of assets and properties but not leaving a legacy that your children also may survive without mountains of cash or maybe u will say, hey.. too far to think of, enjoy your life right now. yea, but, I also never knew that, politics not only exist in offices, but also classroom, which makes it classroom politics. Not so about which gang of friend that is worth joining or which gang of friend is the coolest in the class and college. But, just rumours, boycotts, words that doesn't build up but tear down people, prejudice, making fun, poking people from back and etc u name it. Well, I admit that I too do gossip sometimes but i don't spread rumours that tear down people, I don't make fun of people, I don't go boycott some girl or poking other people's back. For everyone is born with good and flaws, we are not perfect.

All i can say, learn to love yourself. Mouth is not used for bad gossips about people but express words that build up people. Okay, i do look like speaker for humanity now. But, spreading what is untrue without concreate reasoning seems a rumours and gossips to me which will make the spreador look terrible and the spreadee still live happily, adding on a good laugh upon hearing the rumours. Well, am i tired listening or knowing all the rumours around me, whether or not it's about me? Oh no, I'm fine with it.

Learning to survive? No, I say, learn to love yourself first. Don't have to talk bad about others so that u look good in others' eyes. Having less confidence in yourself thus making fun of others? Well, people won't look down on you unless u first look down on yourself. I'm okay with all the incidents/experiences i mentioned above. I remembered them so that it reminds me of how i should be to become a better person tomorrow.

I love you for who u are, not what u have.
So, love yourself too
and
start to see
the nicer/brighter colour of other people.

okay... 1.17am... got to go.. God bless u, readers!

The Kid in Me

As i promised, pictures from the trip. took more than 800 of pictures. Shall post the pictures that i took in Disneyland HongKong first. Enjoy!













this was just the first part of the whole trip in DisneyLand. Enjoy!

New Semester, Old Thoughts.

I'm back in KL. Arrived a few days ago, but i haven't unpack my stuff from the luggage. too tired for that. Was busy cleaning the house.

Today was the first day of the new semester, actually, first day for me and a few of us who came back last Sunday. Class started a week ago with only a few a people. Hey, seniors became smart a bit now, know to attend class in 2nd week. kekeke..

Don't get used to the 8am class and sleeping at 11.30 the night before so that i can wake up at 6am the next day. Even during work, i went in late by 15 minutes or 45 minutes late. It's either i went in at 8.15 am just to show my face and then sneak out for breakfast or i went to breakfast straight before going to work. But still good, i thought i was going to be late today, but i arrived just 5 minutes before class started.

class was fine. friends were all great. said hi, gave hug and manage to catch up with the gang and the guys in the class for movies. oh.. went to watch Snake on the Plane. Stressful movie rather than destress one. Better not watch if you're sleeping alone! haha.

well well, what i want to say. I'm not having PMS, and not emotionally down. But, just being in college place lots of thoughts in my mind. well, what can u say. maybe i've been thinking too much, rather than just enjoy whatever there is. but, my mind just couldn't help to think. some, i really don't know how to face. give smile and act like nothing happen, or show that i care with whatever is done by him/her on me. but when really think of it, there is nothing i can do about it. Rumours about me, backstabbings, bad memories, all these just come to me when i face them. i thought i've let it go, but actually, i still care how poeple look at me. Maybe yeah, we all can please everyone and we cannot explain to the whole wide world that actually what had happen wasn't not like what they thought. oh yea, what about those who backstab my fellow friends. should i care or not? should i just talk/chat/smile like i know nothing? Should i just act like nothing happen and continue to be friends following the principle of forgive and forget as everyone deserve another chance? to some, they may think that i have different mask, having different mask when i deal with different people. But, what about those people who is just being friendly? they're just warm in heart and love meeting people. well, what about me then? i shall not think too much and act like nothing happen. after all, it's not like i never talk bad about people. it's not like, i never back stab.. oh.. i never back stab people. should just not think too much and enjoy whatever we have now. after all, we get to meet each other is already a blessing to each other.

sorry if i'm being random. those who understands, thank u for listening. those who doesn't.. err... enjoy the music ya! *wink*

God Bless!