Best Wishes

You have finally moved on. Going to begin a new chapter in life. Finally, leaving all that behind and start a new path, with memories of each other to fill in. Our life path once crossed, and I shall leave all that behind us, at least, for both to walk a different path. At least, now, no more shadows of each other following us.

Thank you for all the memories that you've given to me. Thank you for accompanying me throughout those years, in thick and thins. Thank you for sharing your life with me during that period of time. Thank you for giving me those moments that no one could take away.

I just want to wish you, all the best in the next chapter. May God bless u with many blessings, love and joy, in your next chapter!

Best wishes, from me!

24.11.09

It's a month away to Christmas Eve, then a week to New Year. And, all of the sudden (or I didn't really realise it) that the year is coming to an end, to a new chapter of new year. Just for a moment, as I look back, at this time, right now, I am very much contended with what I have, with where am I, with what I've achieved so far. Mind you, not any achievement like certificates or any career related goals, or money oriented goal such as "first tank of gold". It's more of a character and value re-building this year, which I'll explain more in later post. But, on one thing, which has been part of my new year resolution for past few years and will be also next year, is my spiritual growth. Hmmm... probably moved just a few steps, or inches? I will work on that :p

Yes, it's a very short post, just on what I'm up to!

Cheers, Happy Tuesday!! Gambateh!!! In whatever you're doing!!!

I wish

People say, honesty is the best policy. We all learn this when we were young, got this from English Language Classes. But how much does it mean to you, to exercise that being honest is the best policy, in life, may be.

But the truth hurts. Before the truth is communicated, it's already hurting someone. Although it happened a while ago, but the effect of it still linger around. For what had happened, I am no to judge. But, people can't forget. People still remember. And the only person that change this fact is, the one that is involved.

Anyway, it doesn't have anything got to do with me. Why am I bothered? My ass was burned but I won't save my own just cause it will hurt others. I am, keeping it to myself, at the mean time.

Till then, I am very persistance with what I stand, with what I believe in, with what I'm holding to. Cause, I don't want to allow it to get on top of my head again and control me, any more. Cause, I am tired.

For what is worth, sometimes things don't look like what it is on the surface. I wish, I can spill it out.

Being Supportive

Would you listen to what your friends say, knowing that she/he is saying what you wants to hear but doesn't believe in what you wants to do?

Would you say, what your friends WANTS to hear, in order to be supportive, in order to be that supporting friend?

We may have our differences in opinions and the way we see things, and different people weighs different considerations differently. But not everyone can see from the other person's view and think from their side.
But the thing is, the line inbetween disagreeing because of what I think (I can't see what u're trying to achieve, or what's in it that u're looking for) and
disagreeing because of what I think is best for you, is very thin and blur.

But, would u say, what ur friend WANTS to hear, in order to be supportive? Note that it is "Want" and not "need".
Needed to hear, is ur piece of advice and ur persistance in diagreeing.
Wants to hear, is, the encouragement that the person wants to hear.

And, whatever decision we make, we make it out of our convictions, but not, just 'cause someone else says differently. And sometimes, you need to fight for it yourself, even if there are ppl, disagree with you.

And bottom line, hold on to people that believes in you, and distant yourself from people, who keep crushing your spirit.

After 3 weeks

I didn't expect this would come. All this while, I've been trying to bury it deep inside me, as deep as it could be, and trying to carry myself as good as I can, as if it doesn't affect me that much. For I know, what's best for me is to look forward and put one foot on the other and continue walking. But well, this is the part where sometimes the mind doesn't cooperate with the heart and thus, the break down.

I thought I'll be alright with it, or we force ourself to be alright, for this is the shorter way to moving on, rather than going through the process of breaking down, break into million of pieaces, soak into the sadness and then only, start picking ourselves up and slowly make a step to move on.

I started my day happily, meeting up with people for lunch and get to know new friend. I've placed extra effort in doing hair and make ups, and chose my attire that shows that what a day that I'm looking forward to enjoy. But half way, it suddenly hit me, what happened 3 weeks ago.

I'm glad, it hit me. Although i tried so hard to hold myself back and bury it back when it first hit me, but I'm glad, I dig it out all and let myself be, how my heart feels. It's okay to be not okay right, a friend always say. Probably I've look too far, probably I've think too much. But, just probably, I just need some courage to continue walking.

And at this time, I still know, who holds tomorrow. I keep praying, that dear Lord not to leave me nor forsake me, to have faith in me and give me that strength to continue walking. And i'm so much glad, for the pillar of support that I have. Thanks friend!

Next Chapter

I'm thinking for a second, whether i should disclose this here in the www. Firstly cause I didn't get to inform my close friends personally about it, and I don't like the idea of them knowing it through this blog, rather than hearing it from me personally. Not a big deal though, not like i'm getting married or something. But yea, i shall not disclose it here till further notice.

SO, my holiday is coming to and end. It's like the longest break I've ever had. more than 3 months of break and did nothing but just laze around at home. Never, rotted like this before. But at the same time, it's been a great time of rest at home, although the first few weeks of the break was a disaster to me, close to running back to my nest.

I must say, the journey of this holiday wasn't easy. There were tears, anger and misunderstanding, and also digging out the past which brings to clarification of my stand, closure of the past in order to move forward and leaving the past behind. It's a joy knowing, it doesn't affect me anymore like it used to, and knowing that I actually had moved forward without realising it myself.

Every chapter that brings sadness or discomfort in some way when u think of it, must have an end to it and closure, in order to move forward. And I'm happy, you were there to help me, and I was there to close it up, in order for u to move forward. I guess, time does help in fading everything away, be it sad or happy, but, whether there is a real closure to the chapter, depends on whether you did the right thing, and not just waiting for time to pass to fade it away.

I just want to wish you the best in your next chapter, and I know u wish the same too, to me.

Still waiting

I mean my results, most importantly, although the other half almost equally the same important. but never mind.

I'm back in KL for the time a week, thought the results will be out this week but turned out, probably after the raya.

Was back in hometown for almost a month, and I was quite busy chilling and relaxing, at the same time, fulfilling my responsibility and commitment in the family (no... not family 'business' but 'family' business if u get what i mean). There's mix feeling, other than being happy that exam is finally over, but also the fact that the current chapter of my life probably come to end and going to next chapter, well, depends on the results.

Hmmm.... at the mean time while I'm back here, I didn't get to really relax, as I was running around to get some stuff done, at the same time I got food poisoining I think, had diarrhea and been vomitting for few days. Not sure why, till yesterday, when I fully recovered.

Right.. got to stop. I don't know why i choose to blog when I just had a few round of alcohol just now. Ciao... the world is spinning.....

26.08.09

The best thing about real supporter is, I don't need to tell the whole story, but just a few lines and the other person gets what I mean without making any assumptions or misunderstood me. Thanks!

You determine your life and how you want to lead your life, not others.

I am NOT like YOU

It runs in the blood people say. It is inherited in the gene. We resemble our parents or guardian or whoever who look up too. Every pieces of us, resembles someone that is close enough to leave a mark in our life.

But yet, when it comes to negative value, which runs in the blood according to people, I can't help but to deny this. Not wanting to believe or accept this fact that we inherit the behaviour of our parents, I refuse to believe this. But, can't deny, we DO resemble our parents in some way, be it good or bad.

The only thing I can do now, is taking them as a mirror and change the person in me. Whenever I face the same problem as they did, I'll try to remind myself not to react or solve the way that did which I disagree.

But one thing I still can't figure out, is, marriage. I. Don't. Know. How.

The Aftermath

So I've finished the exam. The brain still a bit retarded, still a bit lagging, processor not that fast. The event is so strong and dramatic that it still affect us somehow.

1. A friend was watching tv and suddenly, it just pop out on her mind, why is she watching tv. She has something important to do. The next question is, oh... exam over, no more studying.

2. During the exam, my messages always ends with gambateh or add oil. Going to bed messages would be "rest well and nights", and not sweet dreams like i always do. Now, it's sweet dreams and not rest well. -__-

3. For past one month, I eat a few meals per day but eat little per meal. Cause afraid of being sleepy after meal. Now, I had 2 meals only and it's full meal till i feel bloated.

4. Waking up in the morning and need to convince myself, it's after exam and we got nothing to do.

So, right after exam. I went,dinner, clubbing, partying, hanging out, lepaking, trips, lepak again, talking, meeting up, talking nonsense, etc as much as i can. not forgetting, FB-ing as much as I can with the games :P

Parents of the gang we were supportive, telling us that we earn it to have this two months break and ask us to chill all the way, and start stress when only result is about to release.

So, although one side of me already predicted the results, but friend say, must keep finger cross, continue praying and hope for the best. So, I can't give up while my supporters are praying right. So, just pray for grace on examiner's side, to be a little bit more gracious on marking our paper. Amen for that.

In the mean time, where shall i go next :p

ps: I still can't upload my photos to websites, but will do starting tomm, since I'm going back home.
pss: Have fun holidaying and chilling and do whatever you want, fellow CLPians!!! will miss you guys!!!

After 2 Papers

It was not as easy as i thought, not the paper I'm talking about. The stress coping and management, the optimistic and positive thinking, which I thought I handle it so well all this while, came crushed down. It wasn't really that easy. Doesn't matter about the paper and the examination, I thought, with the confidence (in going through and survive) and the positive thinking, I already win half the battle. But no, the stress of examination overpowered me and got me unsettled and restless.

Seriously, this is nothing like other examinations that I sat before. After all these years of uni, more than 10 examinations, this is really nothing like before. Just today, when I read the questions during reading time, I know what the question wants, I know how to answer. Just that my brain went blank and i coudn't recall any cases. I can't even project my notes in my mind.

It's really not about the certificate now, we all just want to sit for it and survive through it. Doesn't really what is the outcome, going through the preparation for examination till the examination day, and survive through the papers do build character. Friend was right, it does build a character in us. The fighting spirit, the never give up spirit, the perseverance and the persistant spirit, and also the stronger us. A lot of times, we're at the verge of giving up, chuck it aside and walk away, but because, knowing that we're in this together, pull us through and it does hold us together till the very end.

Well, it's not the end yet. We're just half way through, and thinking back, We are all Champions. So proud of ourselves, said a friend. Doesn't matter what is the outcome, the fact that we sat for it, proves we're conqueror, says another friend. I'm so proud, having to call them, my pillar of support. Thank you, for being strong for me, when I was at the verge of slipping it away.

I shall be stronger and fly higher. Gambateh people!

The Day

The day we've been anticipating much has come, the day that will determine whether there's a new beginning or repetition of the old one. Also the day, that whatever hard work, toil and sweat we've made, we shall put in writing. And, the day where, all our parents keep looking at the watch and pray for their children throughout the time. Also, the day where, we go out to the battle and fight for our future.

It's the day, of the starting of the Certificate of Legal Practise examination. *sweat*

Wish me all the very best!

2 days and 11 days

Currently camping at home, with loads of food stored. Didn't see any human for few days, only books. SO lifeless. Can't wait to get over this. But at the same time, I don't want it to be over that soon.....

After all this and if I pass...
probably going back home for good, which means, leaving behind everything i have here and start all over again back in hometown. there are a lot of things i'll miss here. My pillar of support, mostly, here.

Anyways, the exam hasn't start yet and we're planning for holidays after the exam. woo hoo~

Alright, shall go back to work. Gambateh people!!

dumb auntie

Just now evening, I went to Popular Shop at the Ikano Centre to get some stationaries and just as I was queuing up, there was a lady in her 60s, stood right in front of me, holding onto the barrier that divides the line. Over the next line, there was a kid almost the height of my waist, probably around 4 years old, quite babbly, was sulking at her mom. Quite an interesting conversation they had. I think he wanted story book in english but her mom aka siu jie auntie only took the malay language ones.

Kiddo, you lazy girl...
mom, later all ur books gather dust at home....

this was only part of the conversation. As the queue was long and slow, i overheard their conversation for about 10 minutes.

Then it's the auntie's turn to pay. RM113 in total. Suddenly don't know why, the old lady in front of me, talked to the sales girl that was attending the kid's mom.

What just happened. They didn't bring the member card and the siu jie auntie was just standing there looking at her mother in law i suppose, and not talking to the sales girl. So, the sales girl told the mother in law, they need a member card. the mother in law told her, they didn't bring it, and bla bla bla, trying to persuade the salesgirl to give them a discount. And the whole time, the auntie didn't try to solve anything, just stood there, only re-phrase what the sales girl said to the old lady when she cannot understand what the sales girl just said.

Then the old lady told the kiddo to come again the next day with the member card. Still, the auntie was just standing there.

I was like... What the Hell!!! I so wanted to shout, for goodness sake, can someone just give them the stupid card. I don have one, so, if not, i would just pass mine to them.

It's not about the card. It's about the siu jie auntie. seriously, so impolite, not well mannered, not respect. she thinks that she's still 16 year old sulking at her mom. my gosh. the face looks like 40 to me. Oh come on....!!! the whole time didn't try to do anything, let the mother in law talk, who can't even converse in malay properly and mix with english. SHe can't understand the sales girl either. My gosh. Not sure whether the auntie know what is paiseh or not, some 10 to 15 person behind us queuing up witnessing all this.

The bottom line is, our kid will reflect us, just like a mirrow. How u sulk at them, at 4 years old, they will know how to be sulky too. Poor mother in law.....

I'm not a lost generation

Check out this awesome video. A friend sent to me, while both of us burn the midnight oil.

Stepping Stone

I never wanted to do this. And this would be the last thing in my list. I never thought of doing it, never ever. But no matter how much I don't like it, I still went and register for it, the CLP. I remember entering the college, thinking how am I going to say, this is my college. I never wanted to do CLP, let alone coming to this college to study. I registered, and paid half of my fees. I was thinking, in a month time, probably I'm out of here and pursue other things.

So, I never called this my college. I always address it as BAC or the school. No offence to the institution, just me doesn't want to sit for the paper. I consider this place, as me passing by, not wanting to settle, not wanting to get comfortable, not wanting to feel belonged here. All, I want to do, probably just let time pass by, and will leave once I make decision what I want to do and where I'm heading to. I'm just, honouring what my dad says.

So, September passed and I'm still here. December passed and the new year came. I thought, may be I'll start working after the festive seasons but norpe, I was still there. May be I've given up, may be I was already half way in this, may be I should give it a try.

Although my heart never set for this, but still very consciously, my mind doesn't work together with my heart and I did study consistently since November. A bit slack and a bit of hardworking, a bit of lepakking and a bit of overworked, today finally, was the last day of our course. I was a bit sad, thinking, why I didn't I start appreciating my life in CLP and only till the last few months of the course, I started to mix around and get to know some really cool and great people. And really, time flies when we start to enjoy,

Today, was the unofficial last day of class. The next two weeks will determine what we gonna do next year. Although everyone keeps it to themselves, the fear of exam and results, but we still continue cheering for each other, hoping that we'll make it together.

All The Best!! AKHL, DW, FL, FSL, LSC, JLPK, JS, NN, PL, YHW! It's been great knowing you!

At 11

I remember very clearly, i first listened to his song, at the age of 11, when I stayed overnight at school as we had band performance the next day. Heal the World, from a cassette of one of the teacher. I remember i held on to the cassette player, listened to this song repeatedly. It was a cassette, so what I did, when the song ends, I would rewind it all over again and play it again. I still remember that night, that moment, which classroom we were in, what did we do inbetween when I found the cassette until the time when we get to rest. And it's still my favourite until now. I can even recite the lyrics, the whole thing!

I hope, the next generation will learn to know about him, just like we learnt about Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin by Theresa Tang. I hope, our next generation would have someone like him, that brings impact in their heart and this place, will be a better place for the human race.

You will be remembered, MJ.

Quick Update

I got class in half an hour time.

2 weeks more. or less than 3 weeks more.

I want to go celebrate!!

I feel so, different now.

I am, very grateful now.

K... stop the nonsense.

Happy Thursday.

Ciao!

ps: no photos for time being, as the computer that i'm using now has software problem and my other computer... died already lah.... so, just bear with the text only post for time being. xoxo

One week and 3 weeks

What I was up to for the past one week.

Reverse a bit, 2 weeks ago, i left my car at the car wash centre at my apartment. I forgot to collect it back, hence it stayed overnight there. The same night, the ceiling of my toilet collapsed. Apparently, my nice neighbour up there poke the pipe until it burst or something, and it drop on my ceiling and therefore it collapsed.

Past one week, my laptop died on me. So i brought it to HP Centre for it to be fixed. Initial check confirms that it's LCD problem. But i think it's the graphic card problem, cause the same symptom happened before it crashed on me last year. Then i asked for quaotation.

1. Service charge, include open up and check only. RM95
2. LCD only - RM1100
3. Since there is internal webcam attached, if it's broken. Including the LCD is RM1500
4. Graphic card (attached together with motherboard, so have to change the whole thing)
RM1396

I took back my laptop, without even allowing them to open up and see. So darn expensive.
It's only 17 months old.

And Yesterday, I sent a friend home to her place in Sunway. As i reversed, I saw that bits of wall sticking out and I even told myself to be careful. Either I was tired or I need new pair of glasses, the right side of my car butt bang to the wall with a loud BANG. >.<

Well... it doesn't look like things don't run smoothly on my part, cause, I was laughing while I told my friend

"You know.. my laptop died one me.. HAHAHAHAAH".
"I just langgar the wall with my car butt... HAHAHAHAHA"


3 weeks from now, I'll be sitting for the Peperiksaan Menguji Ketahanan Lasak Anda dan Memori Anda (forgive my malay, i.... errr.. left high school long time ago..).

And, I'm here blogging and just finished a tv session. Seriously, I haven't even finish reading up my syllabus. left 1 big subject and 4 small subject. Can jump well, quote HS.

Right, have a great weekend people! God Bless you!!

On My Table