Declaring Cold War

Hated the fact that I called but you never pick up and reply my calls, i messaged but you didn't even bother to reply. Am i so bothering or what. Just when I'm awfully low, and I need you so much but you never cared. I gave myself so much excuses, to comfort myself and to prevent myself from dislike you. I thought, maybe something wrong with my phone, I restarted it several times. or maybe something wrong with the operator, I texted people asking for reply to make sure nothing is wrong with the network operator. Maybe you're busy, so i waited for hours and hours. But... you disappointed me...

We had been sharing our life together, through the ups and downs, the laughter and tears and therefore i believe, you will never neglect me. Friend once said, in this materialistic world, people will never treat you out of the heart, be with you when you're happy, runaway when you have problem. I do believe this, but not in you. That's why I trusted you. But.... I can see that I'm no longer that important to you...

I know, I'll be alright and I know, you think that I'll be alright. And I know, u know that I always place myself in others' shoe, to think of others and to think for others, but sometimes, I need you to think in my shoe as well. I also need u to be there when i need someone, just like how when you are in your depressing moment that i stand up strong for you to lean and rest. Right now, I don't even know whether i'm depressed because of my problems or my depression is more onto because of you neglected me. Often when i know i'll be alright fast, I never tell you or anyone. But when I know, I won't be alright that soon and needed someone to be there, you weren't there.

Maybe... my impression and appearance tells people that I'm strong and solid, but actually, I'm just a dumb girl, some of the time... i fall too, and i need help too. At least, to whine a while and to pour out whatever inside me. I wish I am superwoman, but i'm not.

I know i'll be alright, that's the only way to comfort myself. Stress has been accumulating in me and I can only turn my stress into words - blog and diary. I don't want to hurt myself but punching the wall or anything around me. I don't want to eat to destress as I'll torture myself with frequent visit to the toilet. I don't want to get a boyfriend just to have someone always there for me when i want to whine/complaint/cry/scold/pour out/whatever cause this reason is SO wrong.

Please don't take me for granted.