A gloomy day

"Budak! Kau tak pergi kerja kah?"
I woke up in shock, "Ah??!!.... Oh... Pergi!!!",
I slammed myself back to the bed.. thinkin... sigh.. i'm late again. It was 7.45am and my work starts at 8am... am terribly late.

Usually the sun is shining bright around 7am in Sabah, unlike in KL, but this morning, the day is still dark because of the rain. I did not get up and change in a rush, but rather, took my time, chose what shirt to wear, applied make up as if i'm going for a date... not applying extra make ups but rather just taking my time.... Not that i'm still sleepy.. but thinking about something... something that is stucked in my mind for the whole day.....

It has been almost 3 weeks that i'm back at home. Just rested for a week, i started week the 2nd week. Life is good back at home. But still, haven't get used to it. From a total freedom in KL, to haft-to-report-where-I-go-and-whom-i'm-meeting life here in Sabah. Not complaining about it, but just not used to it. And from being responsible to myself and myself only, and now, there is huge responsibility back home here. Friend was wondering, what huge responsibility that i have that making me so stress. I can't name it all, as everything just on my shoulder now. Everyday I keep on asking, did i try my best? How can I do better? Is everyone happy?

A friend messaged me this afternoon, telling me friend just argued with family, rather scolding about the family, friend asked me how to do better? How to make them satisfied? Friend is a young person as well. Sigh... what can i say. i can only say, i totally understand.

I always tell my mom, "thank God for your daughter is at home now and not at somewhere else, not having tatoo all over the body, doesn't smoke and drink and still listens to you". I know expectations given from parents are good as they do it out of love, i know stress and pressure is good, because it will help you to grow to a better person... Not wanting them to understand me, I just pray that I'll have bigger heart and stronger shoulder. I really don't mind having to sacrifice just to make everyone happy. I'm just tired.. I hope it's just PMS.. but i cannot have PMS for 3 weeks.... (*look at the ceiling*) ... Friend know it all, the ups and downs of me for the past 3 weeks. Until a point i also paiseh to tell friend about what's in my mind now. I hate myself too, for telling friend all these... letting friend to share a little bit of the burden that i have... hope this is just temporary...

Though it's gloomy day, i still thank God for this day.
As because of gloomy day, i learn to appreciate more when the day is bright shining...
and because of gloomy day, I know of Bright day.
Thank God for sadness, for in sadness i learnt to cling onto Him
and recognise true friends that He place around me.
If I'm happy everyday, I would not even know or recognise what is happy.