Thanksgiving

If I were to describe my year with a box of colour pencil, i would say, this year, 2008, is filled with different type of colour, resembling, different phase of life and the ups and downs. It didn't start off well, as it was the final semester of my law degree. While not depending so much on the lecturer, i have force myself to self-study and hence, landed myself with 43 marks for family law. haha.

I would say, the greatest achievement in life so far, is graduating LLB with a second lower division. Even until now, i still think that it's a big miracle, not that I don't have confidence, not that I don't believe in myself, but just the percentage of people passing is low, what more with a second lower division. it still hasn't sink in yet, that I graduate my LLB and my college is still KDU (living in self-denial i guess... haha). Graduating my 1st degree is not as happy as graduating my 2nd degree, and my parents, still happy till now :)

And to mark another chapter of my life, is the addition of the new member into my family, my sister in law. WE're 5 now. What's more fun, I get to do girl stuff like what sisters do.

While trying to adapt to new environment of studies and the fact that I'm not able to go UK for bar/master, I bought new to keep myself happy. A voilin and a psp.

yea, her name is Carmen

Looking back, how silly I was, thinking of things that I don't have which makes me unhappy. Human just never learn to be contended in life and keep looking at things that we don't have. Quoting Ps Daniel Tan on his message during the last Resonate Service, "don't keep looking at the hole but look at the CHEESE". A lot of times, we keep complaining on the holes of the cheese and not changing our perspective and view, that other than the hole, there's also REAL cheese around the hole.

I am so contended, in God, I thank Him, for all the blessings He gave me.
(okay. photos later as I'm blogging from Australia. Yupp, in Australia now, currently in NSW. Love it here. update later).

So people, Merry Christmas!!! Joy to the World, for the Lord has come!!

Drawing Class

It didn't start out well. Before we experience it ourselves, we were given bad impression about it. Not sure if it's the bad perception that I had, or it's really the truth, but I know, it's not gonna be an easy way.

On our very first class, the lecturer welcomed us "Welcome to hell!!". -__-

Sometimes when I'm bored in class, I'll make some sketches on the notes or book, but never get to draw so much, as much as much as now.

After 6 weeks, one subject finished its syllabus and another 2 half way done. And I, only finish reading half of the syllabus of the first subject.

Sad. while struggling with this, I'm still thinking whether this is the way that it should be. I've missed the train 3 times, and I start to think, I am really a failure in planning for myself. or should i say, i don't even know how to plan for myself. I remember uncle N said, do and decide things based on your own conviction, not others opinion/suggestion/whatsoever. But, whatever plan that i have, it will be crush down. It make me start to think that, I'm no good in this, can't even decide for myself. All I can do, which I'm good in it, is sit down and cry, later pick myself up and continue on walking the way I should be.

Is CLP the only option? While it is the perception that girls should get married when they're in the age of 28 and everyone will start panicking if girls still not married at the age of 30, While it is the perception that we should start earning money at my age and not still depending and relying on parents for money, it sank into me that if i take a gap year, i would graduate as a lawyer at the age of 30.

Now, i dare not dream, dare not think. I can only think, of what I should do now. I'm not brave enough to crush the wall, not strong enough to prove the world that what I've decided is the best way. I dare not look far and plan, for so many things just pull me down and prevent me to fly higher. I always want to be outstanding, for i think life is not just about going along the flow, graduate, work, get married and have kids. But now I start to think, my dream, is far from reality. Not in terms that I cannot achieve it, but it seems unreachable.

I don't want to be anything other than me.

01.10.08

It's been a while since the last time I update my blog. Not that I'm terribly busy, not that I've nothing to talk about.

It's been 3 weeks since CLP classes started, and it wasn't a good month. I felt i had been roller coaster of emotion since the beginning of the year. The 360 degree was during the month of May and June, and the up and down during month of July and August, calm and steady end of August and up and down again in September. Well, I'm quite burnt out actually. While probably it doesn't appear on my face, we still need to look forward and keep walking right?

I was looking through the settings of the blogspot.com, trying to figure out how to shut down my blog, since, I don't really blog, why should i keep it. Freedom of speech and expression doesn't really exist, while laws can't protect us, social pressure also became of the the "laws". The line between law and morality is still very blur, hence, I can't really talk much, but to reserve my posts to draft.

I'm slowly loosing a lot of parts of me, into becoming someone that i barely recognise. not to exagerate but, being cautious about my action/words just because some people doesn't like it instead of trying to be a better person is really tiring. Instead of being confident with myself, I'm slowly think very low of me. I really miss, being me.

So, what's with closing the blog, i thought, what the heck. Just because someone might interpret my writing wrongly doesn't mean i should stop writing. I almost forgot why i start up the blog in the first place. I just hope that through my experience, some people can pick up a 10 cent, or 20 cents or 50 cents. And it's through writing, I know more about myself. I really miss, the bold and courageous me.

While transferring the posts out of this blog, from the very 1st post, i read the comment by Ty, which stopped me from doing what i was doing. It somehow lifted me up, and encouraged me again. Looking at the comments in all the posts, really, not every one of it are good ones. While we expect to get the good comments, bad comments come too. But, constructive criticism especially from people that cares, are really more than just 50 cents. Cause they care, to tell you and they care, for the friendship. I really miss, having my mentors to be my side and keep poking me.

(dad accidentally read my post while blogging and pointed out a typo error :p)

Oh well... just a piece of me.

Second Round

Few days back I received a call from someone that I didn't expect, but someone that I miss all the time. We talked and laughed, about stuff, just like usual.

That night, I was surfing the net as usual, when friend messaged and said, we can check our results online.

Heart beat rising up. Hands were shaking terrible. I tried to calm down. I went to the website and saw the information that I need to fill in.

Shit, i forgot what is my candidate number.

Made a few calls, but no one kept the exam slip. Sze finally found her, and told me hers.

I made a few try, while my parents 'lectured' me for not remembering my number.

Who would remember the number??

While over the phone with sze, webcam with yeng, suddenly i got my info correct, and the next seconds, my results appeared on the screen.

No 30+
No 30+
No 30+
No 30+

Award : Second Honours (Lower Division)

I jumped out of the chair and shouted. Body still shaking, i told sze what i've got. Yeng, of course heard me. The next moment, I was trying to hold my tears.

Mom ran down from upstairs, kept asking how is my result. I tried to hold my tears, but can't help it. Mom saw me kept wiping my tears.

She failed? Mom asked,
Noo..., dad
Huh? SHe failed ahh???
NOo... she passed!!!
Huh... She failed is it???
NO woh!!! She passed already!!!

After all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, I finally made it.

Thank YOU,
for all the encouragement, advice and support
for the time together toiling and burning midnight oil,
for all the study group together be it ikea, library, the discussion room or the cafeteria, the discussion and arguments, made a better me...
for the notes and tips that we shared (allowed me to day dream or go fishing during lecture)
for lending me all the notes whenever I missed classes, for preparing notes and books for me, (I know how terrible lazy and spoilt I am having you take care of me),
for taking the blame for not paying attention in the class (sorry!!!),
for being so selfless in studies and revision,
most importantly, thank you, You, YOu and yOU for being a great friend!!!

Above all, I thank God, for the miracle! I'm wearing mortar board, again! haha...

Finally

I'm home again.

Was on the way back from the airport just now when suddenly, i feel the calmness in me. Hmm, something which is not familiar since I was busy for the past 2 months. The last 2 weeks was roller coaster but all good. Indescribable.

So, I'm going to enjoy my 2 weeks holiday, REAL holiday. No phone calls, no errands to be done, no appointment, nothing. I'm just gonna stay at home, and be lazy.

The highlight of the month is, my elder brother is married. the wedding day was great, apart from the stress that i almost cried, apart from all the hiccups during the dinner at night, it was all good. In between the wedding celebration, the siblings and newly adopted half sibling, Ruth and I went to Penang for visit. Then the wedding dinner at KL, which was great as well. No hiccups and we all enjoyed ourselves. It's amazing looking at the story of the newly wed couple, how God work in their life and how God brought them together.

Will try to post some pictures. Excluding photos from the professional photographers, we combined all the pictures that we took ourselves and altogether is it about 1000 photos. So, need some time to look through it and post them.

Till then, have a great week!
God Bless!

Half

it's always half empty.

maybe i'm living with perfectionist, that i can't live up to their standard.

it's always half empty glass.

why can't you see that it's half full?

everyday there's always something to complain about.

the day is not crooked, the plant is watered, the food is cooked on the table, the bills are paid, the cars always with filled with oil. what is missing here?

3 months ago....

oh come one. give me a break. things that happened 3 months ago and still not solved?

5 years ago....

what??!! 5 years ago and you still dig it out???

i still can't find my way, the kind of life i want to lead, the values i want to hold on to in life and the life principle that is non-negotiable.

as i'm still staying under parent's roof, and a quarter century old, I'm not totally involved in the society yet. I'm covered, protected and hence, have that perfect idea of how i want my life to be. but yet, everything went wrong when i come back home.

Forgive others as God forgives you. No, i can't see that. People hold grudges.
Love is patient. No, love is selfish.

On one hand, i'm giving up on the values that i thought i'm going to live on. But on the other hand, I wanted to make a difference. to live a different life, from what the adults has showed. I know no one is perfect, but we do live towards perfection, to be better each day.

I still don't believe and never want to live the life like them, to hold grudges, doesn't want to let go, to live each day taking for granted the person sleeping next to you, or even person in the same house under the same roof, or life that you're investing. I don't want to bring on the excess baggage each day as I get older each year.

Life is too short to hold grudges on people. But too bad, not many people appreciate this.

I forgot

I miss being happy.

Do whatever I want.

Be however I want.

Don't need to according to situation and man's face expression.

Don't need to think and rethink of what to say and how to say all the time.

Don't need to keep begging people to get things done.

Don't need to do things that is not even my problem at first.

I really miss, being happy.

Sad

This view was the very first image I see when we arrived Redang the other day. Saw this sad coconut tree all alone. You may disagree with me, that the tree looks outstanding among the trees there. Some people say, the way you interpret the picture depends on your state of emotion. A view of a sun half way down/up by the sea, could be interpreted as sunset, a pessimistic thinking, but it could be optimistic too, that the sunset awaits for the next sunrise marks the new day and new beginning. Well, when I took the picture of the tree, I was happy, cause we're in the island for holidays but i still think that it's a sad tree.

I still think that it's a sad tree now.

I'm home

I came home, With a reluctant heart. I know, this time it's not gonna be easy for me. tonnes of work waiting for me, heavy burden waiting to change shoulder. When the plane touches the airport, i still wish that the plane take a U-Turn and fly me back to KL. I know, this not gonna be easy.

As i came home, i was given a to do list. Virtual list. List that i cannot imagine how long. After the hard work of studying for 5 months non-stop, i just hope that i have my life back. Not that i don't want to have a life, but, do i have the choice now? As night comes, I stay up trying not to sleep, fear of the next day, and when i wake up the next day, i try to sleep back, for trying to run away with all the responsibilities that were thrown to me. But well, at least, i still can hear loved ones calling/sms-ing and say hi and ask me how am I, which i look forward all the time, to ease that stress.

I'm so glad i took 2 weeks off after the exam before coming back home. I really miss the time there. I really miss it.

At Redang

At Kenyih Lake (don go there!!). Lousy place nothing to see. the room was great. BIG toilet.
Service was bad. slow as snail. Good companion, great time.

2 days

I know i am siao cha boh. Was advised by mr lil lecturer to read International Trade for Commercial Law. So, i came back home, printed the notes out and pass midnight just now then only i start reading. I've never read this topic before, I've never attended class on this before, in fact, this subject i self-study. so, tell me if i'm crazy. but i've done my memorising for this subject, so, just add one in case.

well, all i need is to pray right. God will bless me. Just that, to be on the safe side, i better add one more topic in my hand, then will be more confident. what kind of bullet attack me also i can counterfeit back. Amen yea! haha....

K, i better go sleep. Nights everyone!

5 Days to Exam

hmm.... in the midst of lil break before continue working. Yes, it's 5 days to my exam. Doing good so far, memorising cases and pumping in as much as i can. Just a bit weird as i don't feel the exam stress. maybe i've studying consistently. Just memorising, I used up 2 days to memorise one chapter. How slow!

Anyway, some of the friends going to finish their exam in an hour time, some just finished one paper, and some like me, haven't start exam yet. Can't wait!! in the midst of preparing for exam, we're planning for holidays!! hahahhaa.... can't wait.. can't wait!!

K.... gottta continue eat my notes!

To those sitting for exam, All the best!!

Oh, ignore the names bottom. those are jurists names which i need to memorise. >.< Notice there were 2 Johns. If onlynthe others name John as well, hahaha...

03.05.08 - Part II

It's Saturday again. Today was a not-so-good day but still glad and rejoice. It's always that on saturday that I'm quite down in the mood. Most probably because i've been attending church service alone, for the past few weeks. If I see any familiar faces, i'll sit next to them. If not, i'll sit by myself. But today, I next to an uncle who doesn't pay attention during praise and worship. Hmm. The projector was "attacked" a few times and the computer went blue screen and the uncle "eh, physical memory....". K, he was singing while looking around, which annoyed me. And on my right side, an auntie who kept shaking her the whole time. She shaked every few minutes,shaked until the body shakes and i can feel the vibration, and it made me dizzy.

I can't help but to think, why am i alone again. Really, no one will know if i don't attend church. I can't help to think back what I've gotten for the past 8 years here in I know i've been missing in action for the past 3 years. Not sure whether i was too busy with my work that i've forgotten about investing in people, therefore i'm quite alone. No, i'm not being self-sympathy. But that's quite sad, and i can't help but crying during the praise and worship. with all the noise of the drum and the electric guitar, it just sanked in and i just stood there trying to sing along. But it was good, just being me and me.

It's been a while, and i'm now feeling the exchaustion. I can't wait to go back home, and to be myself. Just tired leaving up to expectation of people, trying to be the person that others want me to be. And all the disappointment that i get, making me tired. I know, it's my life huh. But we're in a community connected so much to each other that we couldn't really do what we wanted to do.

So, i went pasar malam just now. Pasar malam has been great for the past few weeks. the only place that i go to walk around and relax. can't wait for exam to be over. i'll buy all the food that i want to eat and walk as long as i want.

ciao. back to studies.

take care people!!

03.05.08

10 days to exam, and i'm still working on it. Doing the 2nd round revision, which re-check the notes i've done and write (read: copy) some essays. But well, though it seems almost done, like 85% done, but there's always a fear that the materials that i've prepared is not enough. Ahh well, what is not enough, what can you write in 45 minutes per question, nothing much. Anyways.....

Saw this when i throw the bottles of chicken essence that i drank. don't know how many are they here, but i know i've thrown a lot. average 2 per bottle per day, it didn't make me sleep less. I still sleep at least 8 hours per day. oh, last night was 10 hours. ya ya, i know i'm a pig. ty say, maybe my body is immune to chicken essence. Oh, there was one night i drank 
vitamin C booster before i sleep, and that night i slept 12 hours. So, not Vitamin C before sleep.

Alright, i better go sleep now. Gambate people!! You have my support, you have my prayer, you have my love, you have my blessings, and God is with you!

God bless, have a productive weekend!!

20.04.08

Today i went to class an hour earlier, which is NOT me. am known for not being punctual, what more being early. Haha. Class was postponed to an hour later, which non of the classmates thought of telling me. And a few of them told me the same excuse after i asked them one by one, why they didn't tell me. "i'm just helping you to be early. See... you're early today!!". grrr.. even mr lecturer said the same thing. -__-'''

Still, in the midst of preparing for exam, and troubles never respect people. While trying to concentrate on studies and chasing after time to meet the target of the day, well,
a lot of things delay us. Troubles. For those that is willing to hold the burden alone trying not to interupt my attention, i appreciate all the love. But troubles doesn't recognise status and condition. they are not exceptional and like the summer in Malaysia, it's a whole year season.

if only people learn to forgive and forget, if only people learn to love self-lessly and not selfishly, if only peope learn to give and to hope, if only people learn to look at the bigger picture (general satisfaction) rather than the small small picture (own satisfaction).

I heard from the radio,
A teacher draw a dot on the white board and ask her students what can they see. unisonly they shouted "A DOT!!!". the teacher asked again, is that all you can see? A dot, they replied.

often our eyes, focus on the little dot and can't take our view out of that dot. is that all you can see? a dot, which equivalently a mistake. often in relationships, people remembers the mistake that u made, the things that the other person doesn't like, the expectation that wasn't fulfilled, the things that hurt you and others. all this, sum it all, can make a big thing. but looking at the other way, they forgot how people has given out to love them, the sacrifice that they made, the effort that they invested in the relationship to own that place in your heart and to continue to hold on to that position. well, no one is perfect. no one is good enough to say, i've never done anything wrong to you before.

My mom likes to nag at me. she can nag nag nag and naaaaag all the time. who likes to be nagged??! 
not me!
but, in times when i need support, especially in the midst of exam, her nagging becomes my encouragement, 
becomes a support for me to walk extra miles, and a way of loving me. 

a lot of times, we stand strong in a view and complains about things that is incomplete, or rather, things that is not according to our way. My mom's nag is really terrible. But, if you think in another perspective, hey, sometimes my mom's nagging makes sense. she loves me, that's why she gives advice, in a nagging manner.

a lot of times, we ask, what do you have to offer me. but a lot of times, we forgot that our blessings are thousandfold, that we forgot, we can actually bless others and offer to other people.

well, i'm lucky enough not to have relationships that is close enough to have relationship problems. i'm not avoiding it, it was a choice, after all.

but among all, if only people learn to be meek and not ego. Ego can be a wall, that stop u from blessings that u can't imagine off.

k... i shall stop now. too much i dunno what is it. must be the jurisprudence class that makes me think of nonsense.

what am i talking? nonsense lorr.........

Believe

I remember last year when I just started doing revision for my referred paper, it was a struggle to me. Wanting to study and absorb everything that i read but at the same time, my heart keep blaming the subject which made me stay in KL for my year 3. I thought i'm going to fly off in september last year, but i didn't get to. all because of a silly mistake.

I remember during that period I was struggling, i texted my big sista, asking for strength and prayers. says her, know that what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good ya.

I went through it, and of course, i passed the paper.

And now, I'm preparing for my final year exam. Struggling of course, but always, God is good. No one understands what we're going through except for people that is going through it together with me. only in them i find strength and courage, and of course with prayers, i survive till today. until this point, if i don't help myself, no one can. if i choose not to continue on and just stop, no one can help me. It's me who decide, whether to continue or to stop.

Till now, whenever there is bad thoughts, i keep telling myself, knowing that God meant for good, devil meant for evil. I keep telling myself to focus, focus on what is more important now, which is the exam. there's no way of turning back, it's just cms close, to success. like what i told sy, our leg is up already, waiting to jump over to success.

no point turning back, no point going through the emo. right now, just have to pick and choose the emotions that is good, to be in the best condition to survive till the exam. Filtering i suppose, to hear what can build you up, and not things that can tear you down. saying is easy, i'm still trying too, till today, to focus. i couldn't agree more with what ty said, all the things that is not important, take it as an entertainment for break inbetween studies. haha.

i didn't meet my target today. been slack, been playing today. but well, no point turning back and whine about it. as long as i continue moving... though a bit. but as long as i didn't stop. yea? haha

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
So can you, if only you choose to believe!

Amazing Grace

It's interesting to know, bits and bits of us, we a product of things that happened to us, especially things that left a big scar, or left a big memories in us, or things that were so important to us that is not a constant reminder to us to not to walk back to the same road that led us to pain and so to say, suffering before.

If we think carefully, the way we talk, the way we react to things, the way we deal with things, somehow, some, reflect or the consequences, or the results as to those memories that were placed in the bad memory store room in our heart. Memories, good or bad, somehow, made who we are today.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

Of course, the good ones, we keep. But the bad ones, those that left us "empty" months, those that made us cry every time someone close give us that look, those memories after months still fresh in our mind, the grudges especially, bad relationships and fights, left quite a significant mark, depends on the depth of those marks, depends on how serious was it, depending on how hurt we were.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

And because of all that happened, you told yourself, constantly, i will not this and i will not that. But after being soaked into the matter for so long, so much that we thought we're so hurt that we kept telling ourself, it's okay, let the time heal everything. We were overwhelmed by all the things that had happened, that whenever people share their experiences, we think that, oh well, you're not in my shoe, you'll never understand.

Somehow, part of me, who I am today, is what I've told myself, after the hurts and the bad memories, be it things that happened to me, or things that happened around me. And, it's holding me back, to things beyond my thinking, beyond what I have now.

My Chains are gone,
I've been set free,
My God My Saviour,
has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace.

Today, in the church. Ps Andy did the prayer for closing after the worship. I was touched by what he asked. "Do you have anything that hold you back? The Chain that is holding you back?"

2 weeks after Easter, normally, weeks after Easter then only I really realise what Easter is all about. Every year of Easter, I receive different kind of blessings. And this year, i know, my chains are gone. set free by Christ dying on the cross for our sins.

Is there anything holding you back? let it resurrect together with Jesus Christ! Amen!

(just try to understand what i say. i type out whatever is in mind. in the midst of exam and believe that, i need to share this. God bless! Have a blessed weekend!)

(song by Chris Tomlin, Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone))

08.04.08

Just made some changes to the blog. got bored with the previous colour. And the head of the blog, drew it using Paint program in the windows. just for temporary, till i finish my exam.

I'm feeling much better now, after all the tears and prayers and supports, I'm much stronger. Hmm, other than squeezing fats out of us in preparation for exam, other than the sweat and toil, we also lost buckets of tears. At the end of the exam, everyone will come out like zombie, didn't sleep well, didn't rest well, didn't eat well. haha.

2 months more before freedom. Can't wait! But at the same time, hope that time past slowly, because graduation. haha. finally.

May my desire, be His will. Amen!

God bless!

Big eh... it's Tiger Prawn. Yummy.
Had this in future-sis-in-law's house.
The tiger prawn, of course from Sabah.... hahaha.....
thanks to my dad!

04.04.08

I'm still in the midst of preparing for exam. While battling with books, I'm also fighting against bad thoughts in the head. Not many people is being supportive, sometimes, people just utter words without realising that they actually tear people down. So, other than trying to understand the notes that i'm reading, i'm trying hard too, to fight against the evil thoughts.

Knowing that God meant for good and devil meant for evil, I shall keep the faith in Him.

Today, I've bought about RM100 worth of supplements, just to maintain myself in the best condition. To those who are studying for exam, do take care of your health. Rest appropriately!

Till then, God Bless!

Had birthday celebration last Wednesday. more than 20 of us were there.
Happy Burfday Celeste! Forever 21... kahkahkah.....

31.03.08

Stress is when the clock ticks 5pm and your finger is so tempted to press that button on the square box, while you're at your study table, trying to study.

Grrrr.........

3pm - Taiwan Drama Series
5pm - Singapore Drama Series
6pm - Taiwanese Drama Series
8.30pm - Korean Drama Series

I need someone to help me to chain my tv to the store room.

bleh.

At The Cross

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me

No man can find a word to describe the pain and suffering that Jesus Christ had endured at the cross, and thus excruciation was found from the latin to describe the worst state of pain. It means, At the Cross, describing the state of Pain Jesus endured at the cross, was, the worst of all.

No man also can find a word to describe the unconditional love from the Father in Heaven to us, the people and only agape love, means selfless love, can describe it.

For God so loved the world that
he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish
but have eternal life.
John 3:16

May Easter Day, stay in our heart everyday, reminding us His love for you, and for me. Jesus Loves You! Happy Easter!

16.03.08

It was just a week ago that the Internet connection was in the peak during the midnight and houses was still light up watching the tv with the mobile phone company earlier informed that there would be no report delivery on Saturday night. It was the election. And after a week, there is still hoo and haa all over the place, with people doesn't try help but instead creating more mess.

Last year, we celebrated Merdeka day up at Bukit Tinggi together with the college friends attending our church College Camp. On the midnight past merdeka day, we had countdown and mini fashion show of whose attire resembled Merdeka the most. Each of us was given a small Malaysia flag and had prayers and celebration that night. Well, I wasn't so keen that night. To me, it's just another merdeka.

For past one week, I've been watching videos of leaders and election candidates speech uploaded to the internet. Frankly, if it's not for the election, I won' be so patriotic, so into the politics, the law and order of the country. I must admit that this was the 2nd time I missed the voting for the election, I didn't even register myself. That tells you how disconnected I am to the country. Though i read news everyday, but what the politician does, what's happening to the government, i don't really know, cause all i read is, the kepoh stuff that happened or happening.

Now and then, I heard lots of criticism about everything that is happening, and I myself contributed much to the negative comments on the country, but well, it makes me realise, I'm still a Malaysian. The truth that I was born here, can't be changed. the domicile of origin is acquired at your birth, cannot be abandoned and can only be held in abeyance. Thus, that makes me Anak Malaysia.

I always think, what the country can do to me. Just like a lot of people, the grass is greener over the other side. The fact that we think that the grass is greener over the other side because we see only the greener side of that place, and the fact that we say it's greener there, cause we doesn't know that place as much as we know our own place, Malaysia. No matter how terrible you think it is, it is still, your origin.

As much criticism was given post election, to anyone that is involved, we forgot the main purpose of the election. A lot of people, in support of the particular candidate/politician/representative/party that they admire/like/love/die with/etc, became self-centred and not looking at the matter. the very purpose of the election, is to elect the leaders whom we think are able to lead the country, to development and prosper. And we forgot that, the main purpose of election, is also to discard the unrighteous ones and to place the meeks, righteous ones and the peacemakers. Most importantly, God-Fear ones. A lot of people forgot that, we have to look at the matter rather than the person, dealing with the problem that we have rather than shooting the person(s).

Ask not what the country can do to you, but ask what you can do to your country. I am still very proud, being a Malaysian.

15.03.08

the countdown is, exactly 8 weeks to exam.

as scary as it is, i still continue on and persevere. there's so much to be afraid of i just need to remind myself, not to leave a back door. grrrr.......

i just want to update my blog.

haha!

All the best!!

24.02.08

Half way studying......

Year of Rata-Touile

I am procrastinating. Just last night i was so stress with studies and fear that i cannot finish my syllabus on time, and here i am, upload photos and blog.

Nothing much.... just want to share.....

Was having breakfast together with BIG family, and heard the group of lion dance people past by to the shop next door. So, I quickly ran out to join the crowd. Hehe.... I just love the noise and th crowd.

2 days ago, marked the 15th day of the first month of Chinese Lunar Calender. I went over to Sze's house to have dinner. Last year there were 6 of us, and this year left 3 of us. Ty and Sy... i know you miss us, the photo is for you both. hehe.

K.... Have a great weekend!!

21.02.08

Am taking a break from studying, just start my revision on the subject that I don't like the most, and most students find it, bored or too hard to understand, jurisprudence.

It's not really hard though, just that the words that they use, are words that we don't normally use, or words that are found only in the dustbins. Since the jurists that wrote what is law is all about were from the 17th to 19th Century, their english, though much better than Shakespeare, but still, hard to understand.

After reading repeatedly, I finally understand. But the problem is, I need to scrutinize it. Whoa, criticising the work of jurist from 18th Century, that makes me a master in law. Questions need us to give in our comments and our opinions, what do we think about it. This is my problem, i don't know how to give comment. I can't even give comments on questions such as 'what do u think about death sentence on criminal?'. to talk about just morality, i can answer that. but jurisprudence is more than just law and morality, i guess.

The education system that we have plus the background that we were from, tells it all, that why a simple question like that, we were only able to answer err yes, or no. We were not born to environment that teach us to be different and interactive, but rather into a passive way of learning system and swallow everything that the teacher says. of course, education system is changing towards i don't know what direction, but a lot of times lecturers tried to create interactive class but it didn't work.

But well, since i don't have any comment or my own opinion, i shall just take the opinion of contrasting jurists and agree with it. muahahahaha...

back to work :p

18.02.08

It's been a while....

addy says, my blog is growing cobweb...
me, i'm being generous... offer the spider a place to stay.....

a break while studying...... yeng sent me this.....



It lifted me up, renewed my strength.

Cheers! Have a good weekend!