Love is in the air

Ya, supposedly i can be happy today. But i refrained myself. Hmm. Maybe u think i'm fake, but, some of the times, I cannot be myself, cause people is watching. So, what's the fuss that i care about how other people look at me??! Never mind.. the point is.. i caught the happy memories.. no... tracy's boyfriend took the picture... hehe...

looks familiar huh....

okay....

the owner of that property or that place, if it's no longer moving now.. meaning, it's time to fix it, i'm sure it's not caued by anson sitting on top of the front part of the car.. he's light. And u see, 3 girls squeezing in it, meaning we all are SLIM... :) If it happens that one of your customer sit in it and it's not moving at all after putting in money.. that means, that car is not meant for him/her.... he/she can play with the batman car just right in front.

wuahaha...

-_-|||

I had fun.

Update III

Suddenly I felt like writing my diary again. Yes, I keep diary, just to keep track to what had happen in my life, sweet especially and sour, bitter as well. The last entry was, 4th June 2006.
I guess i had too much fun till i don't have time to write my diary.

One thing that caught me was I wrote about a friendship that i had before, or what my sista called love-hate relationship. Funny, hate it but miss it. Why would I? I guess because I was lonely. Or it's just because i don't want to change, to comfortable with a lifestyle now that i'm lazy to change. Well, i thought I will take sometime to cope and move on with life. Who knows, the next entry was, ... met new friends and had lots of fun.

Maybe you read it as me being feeling-less, or a realistic person. But the thing is, after staying away from home for a quarter of my life, I've learnt to move on very fast. I need to learn, in order to be happy and survive. I don't want my smile, my laughter, depends on a particular friend only. It feels like possesive/clingy. But well, after staying here for so many years and graduated and study again, many many people came and we shared life together. After that, they left and I'm all alone again. I hate the repeating process of re-adjustment of life after one that i cling onto so much left me. Hey, maybe it sounds so wrong to you, but, I'm perfectly know what I'm talking here. yea, i used to be a clingy person, now no longer. I expanded my network of friends. But not the point that I don't feel belong to a gang or community. Maybe I felt so much secured with what I have now, and not to depends so much on anyone, i then learn to be more independant. And not being calculative, Make life much easier.

Get a sleep, tomorrow would be a better day. I suppose, If u start your day with a smile, that's a choice u know, you will see things differently. It's just that heart that matters, how your heart feel things.

Random I know, but i just want to share. :)

Bad Day

Car was scratched. on PURPOSE by some 'uncivilized barbarian' (quote ex-headmaster of my secondary school).

Now it's in the workshop.

Dad's first reaction..

1. Someone Play revenge on me. O_o was back only for a week. Did i bully someone?
2. I didn't park the car properly yesterday. Who are they to teach me a lesson of parking by scratching the car?
3. Someone doesn't like me just because they think girl like me cannot/not afford to drive car like that - Jealousy. MY dad's car. Not mine. Sorry.
4. I looked like a gangster driving the car that someone wants to give me a lesson. I didn't honk at anyone yesterday. Plus.. it's KK. My gangster level is lowered when i'm back here. Not in KL.

WELL, I was so mad. Of course not at dad.

At last, dad says, "it's just some people has itchy hand nothing to do and scratch along."

Itchy backside people (quote Mr Lecturer).

Hope there's no other victim like me.

***

11.26pm

Came back from church concert. Met the same group of friend from yesterday, heard that at least 6 cars were scratched yesterday. D*mn. One of the friend's car got the worst. Scratches and dent, cost her at least 800 bucks to fix it. Uncivilized barbarian!!!

URGH!

A day to remember

AM blessed that our life path crossed,
having to share your magical moments,
and left footprints in the world of my own.
May u continue to shine, be that salt and light,
be a blessings to people around you.
Happy 21st Birthday Addy!

To You

Still remember....

lunch at Ikea almost everyday, and tea, and sometimes as well as dinner.....


messy table while cramming notes into my mind....


Lil Notes through white board for MMS...


Chocolates is a must... for burning mid night oil....


Lunch after the first paper.. MacDonalds...


And me... with... tired eyes.....


Meals after Second Paper..... delicious.....

Once, don't know anything but now I know something,
The future is still blur thou we're already half way through,
We cannot jump but to take one step at a time,
Looking back so many steps we've taken, and now here we are,
And once again I was reminded, the strength, the encouragement, the courage that i've had to move on.
Few more steps to go, and I shall not give up.
I know, I am not alone and so are YOU!

Update II

My head still pain, after the bad landing on Saturday night.

The sky here is clear, blue and a bit cloudy. what about KL? still hazey?

The sea was so blue today, went down to town to... just walk around. And had iced blended mocha.

dunno since when I started to ask for extra whip cream......
hmmm... *wink*

My head pain a bit. Was 'smacked' by some people. *roll eyes*

7 weeks

This morning, dad woke me up 'Have u got your ticket???'

I want to wake up lazily, told him i'm flying back tomorrow. But i checked the flight, only flight available tonight and no flight tomorrow. okay. fly back tonight then.

Had my lunch downstairs at the mamak. overheard something...

a guy called up his friends to play mahjong. then i heard him telling his girlfriend, sat next to him.

"put 2 packs of whisper in your bag ahh" (whisper? isn't it the brand of the pad. oh, maybe it's something else.

then he explained how whisper bring luck or chase away bad luck. I heard him say open it up and put it dunno where. I'm not good in canton you see.

Then his friend added on, it's better if there's some red colour on top of it. Yucks. Confirm it's ladies' sanitary pad lah.

I was about to go, i stood up and gave them big angry look. I'm daring. I know.

***

After the rush, i arrived KLIA. Went to get reader digest, after i paid. I asked the guy,

"are you celebrating Deepavali?"

Ya, indian doesn't mean he celebrates, maybe he's a singh. Some of the singh doesn't wear turban. (urgh, next time, i'll make sure I see a singh first when we see together addy, cause i really want to smack your head. you gonna get it, thou you've already smacked me twice *BLUEK*.. this is nothing gotta do with singh ya..). i suppose to ask 'do u celebrate deepavali huh, but that guy is quite cute, so, grammar mistake happened.

He said yes, and i said "happy deepavali" and smiled, and walked away....

***

In KFC later, a salesman came and talked to me. don't quite remember the content, but i remembered he said this 3 times in different part of the conversation.

"janganlah marah misss" (don't get mad/angry)

Err.. maybe because i just looked at him one kind when he's explaining and i didn't smile at all. I know i look fierce. A friend always ask, why i look fierce and don't smile and i pay bill to the waiter/waitress.

***

Arrived Labuan, waiting for transit. Went around to look for shop cause it's a duty free place. But, no shop open. :( No alcohol, no perfume. Oh.. the landing was terrible. I go 'WHOA' and someone behind me shouted. I thought maybe the runway in Labuan airport is defect a bit. But i know it's kinda short that the plane took off so fast.

Arrived KK. THe landing was worst than just now. it went jumping 3 times, i don't know how to describe but touched the land first time and it bounced up quite high and touched again for another 2 times and the passengers were cheering or shouting, i don't know. It's all noises. I told the couple next to me, just now was bad too in labuan. then later, the pilot made annoucement, apologize for the bad landing because when we almost touch land, there was big wind blowed from the left side. 0_o. what about the landing at labuan just now.. he didn't apologize, i told the couple. They just giggled all the way, I was stunt because of the bad landing.

Today, i've talked to a few strangers, Mr cabby, The guy at the bookstore, the couple next to me. I think, I'm back. The old daring wild and loud Cynthia is back!!!

So, I'm back home. Less than 24 hours after mom called.

I asked, "So mom, what is it that u asked me to come back in a hurry?"
Mom, "oh, i'm just afraid that you're boring there having break for a week."

0_0

all my plan during the break now cancelled. but glad to be home.

The Break

Well well, after 7 weeks for lectures, we're having our break again. 11 days. I called mom few days before the break start and i heard mom say 'don't... don't come back. you know that the air ticket is so expensive'. Okay, fine.

Then i planned the week so nicely, and it came to be the best planned break i've ever had since i'm in college. The Plan;

Friday, 20th... Went out for badminton with friends and then movie. Okay, i slept in the movie. night, cell group.
Saturday, 21st.. plan to just sleep till the evening and chill.
Sunday, 22nd.. Church having Dedication Service.. meaning.. PARTY
Monday till Tuesday... Class trip to Malacca, which we've got 6th sense telling, we'll stay till wednesday.
Friday, College United Zone of the Church is having party... okay.. party again..
Saturday, David Tao Concert.... meaning.. party again.
Sunday and Monday.. rest at home.

See.. happening huh.....

But.... yesterday around 10pm.. mom called. "can u check the flight, see whether u can get ticket back home?".

0_o

Disney Part 2

yea, i took more than 200 photos just one day in Disneyland Hongkong, and it take me sometime to edit and post it. Save it for rainy days, that was what addy said, so, here ya go, another round of pictures from Disney.


It's a Tarzan Theme. I think.


The tree house look so natural, and the waterfall look so refreshing, until....


still amaze by the nature of the place there....


and i found out.. it's not natural grown from real tree. It's all plastic or cement....


Just as I started the walk into the tree house, the sets there start to tell the
story of Tarzan.

from top of the tree house, can see the raft that is used to transport ppl from the main land to the island of the Tarzan theme. From far, can see so so so so many people queue up. Oh, the leaves, look so green but it's all fake. *bluek*


The books, stuff, left by tarzan's parents. I think, the parents are scientists.

This is a projector. I don't know how but can play with it.

I cannot jump up the rope. I was shy.

okay.. it's 3.30 now and i need to go to bed. Enjoy!

Rant VI

It reminds me back to why I wanted to blog at the first place. Mr Lecturer said I have difficulty in expressing myself, and maybe that's why I start to blog at the first place. The more we write, the more we'll get better in writing, Practice makes perfect, just like during school time, we used to write 2 essays per week, but unlike in school time, no one check our grammar mistake for us in our post. And just now, I double check my latest post, i typed 'saw' as 'so'. Hmm...

And lately, my hate post became more and more, which at first, i never intend to have them in my blog. Foul words like F*** You or just the mild one d*mn it/you appears in between lines in the hate post. When i read back, almost all the hate post refer to the same person. I guess, there are more hurt in the relationship that i have with that person than beautiful memories. You know how pathetic is it, having to post Hate Post in the blog. When the person that u meant happen to read it and comments or ask you, 'are you talking about me?' and the answer of all time, 'nahh, no.. it's about some friend of mine'. But deep inside, u feel like screaming at the person. So, it's just merely expressing the anger and hurt that i have inside me.

But does it help me in anyway? Maybe in a way, it helps me to release anger and hurt, but what about the person that i meant? Sometimes, I'll just pray that the person I meant can understand and try to think and digest about it, without coming to ask me, 'are you talking about me?', cause hey, can i say, " yes, it's you."

i don't meant anyone here, I'm just illustrating without taking anyone as example. Quite a random one, but I hope and I'll try to stop hate post in my blog.

If only we think twice before we say anything, before we do anything, for you'll never know, words or action may affect someone's day or perception towards you. It's tiring, yes, but it teaches you to be responsible, to be careful with your words/actions. Let the words from your mouth build your friends and not destruct them.

Being Happy

"don't think too much ya", anson said while poking my head.
"no lah, she won't", addy said after she kissed me goodbye.
It felt like both of them are couple, saying goodbye to their kid. But it was the other way round here, I dropped them off at the LRT station and both of them are...... not couple. It left me felt loved for 2 seconds, and I'm back again, started with a big SIGH. Life is.... depressing lately.

lately you're really depressed
cause i've think too much?
yeala
tracy already knocked my head just now
now is your turn
gona kick ur butt if u're still lidat in november

I started the day, telling myself that i want to be happy today. Is being happy a choice or not? I've tried too, but due to unforeseen circumstances and reasons, I'm back into staring at the air. Why so? Don't think it's because of PMS. Was listening to Stay the Same by Joe Macyintre over and over again in the library, and i kept on thinking and thinking. Funny. Young adult like me, what is there to be worried about.

i miss the old cheerful loud cyn
who doesnt think so much

I know, i've been flooding my fella friends the same thing again and again. I'm worried, I'm sick of it, I'm going to crazy soon. Even I myself can't stand myself, thinking the same thing again and again. Cause it's unfair to me, so d*mn unfair. I asked, can I just be me, just be myself? What is there to be worried compare to the stress and pressure of the young adults working the society. Everyday u face the challenge of people and peer pressure. U face the consequences of being demoted by your boss, or the fear of reputation drop in front of the boss just because of some itchy mouth of your colleague. Compare all these to what I'm thinking now, is NOTHING. Just that i'm in different environment that I've got no choice but to face all these.

oh well
it's juz up to you
dont be the person they want u to be
but rather be the person u wan to be

Am I being fake? Becoming the person that others wanted to be but not me? It is like, it wasn't me when i was in public face. Why is that? Because of the need of making friends? Because of the age gap that I'm facing? Or because of people have some certain expectation from me which left me out with no choice?

Know my boundary...

I remember one of the script line in John Tucker Must Die, not the real line, just the one that I picked up. "to know of your real friend, u must then be yourself, rather than becoming the person that they wanted to be". I don't know..... i really don't know. I had been the person that others wanted me to be so that I can suit in well, or rather, going extra miles just to reach out to people and as long as everyone's happy. Why am I still struggling with this? Cause i never draw a boundary, within my own limits or I can say, I carry the burden along, burden of others. It's alright to me, it's always alright to me, never realised that I'm already exhausted. And that is the problem, I never know my own boundary, I don't know what is the limit in offering a help.

And Teach/Learn how to catch fish instead of keep asking for fish....

In the Devil Wears Prada, this young girl whom just started work in the famous company, was so caught up with all the busy-ness and stress, and just over the dinner with her dad, she has to arrange a flight back from Miami for her boss. She has done everything she could but, no jet flying back because of the storm. Well, we saw her effort, but her boss doesn't know. Man, for us, it feels like going right straight to her boss's face and shout at her, but hey, do we actually do that in real world? Well, it will just give that young girl hard time working in the company. How many of us actually have face situation like that? Scolded by boss for our NO-RESULT-BUT-MUCH-EFFORT, or even blamed some mistake of others. Yea, sometimes we get scolded for nothing, which happened to a friend. We can get angry, scolding and cursing will all up in our nerve, and at last, we broke down and cry. We can actually just shout at the boss "That's IT!!!! I QUIT". Or we just bear with it? Do we go crying and quit just like that, even if you're thinking that your parents never even scold/shout at you like that!!! If we don't learn to survive, learn to stand up after a fall, start to learn how to deal with this problem, how many more people can help us? Cause for no matter how many times people teach us, if we don't learn it ourselves, we will never learn....

Thou it's hard and of course, it's not easy, to stand alone and face the problem ourselves, but, once we start to learn, after a few round of falling down, we're up, back and kickin, ready to face it again.

I guess, a little challenge doesn't stumble us but make us stronger. What's important is our heart, our perception, or mind in viewing this. Change a little bit a angle and we'll see things from different perspective. Man, you'll never know that the view from another angle is different.

But, isn't giving fish is an act of loving or caring?

Or maybe it's sweet, to have people keep on giving fish to us. How much can we rely on them and that we'll never grow. One day, the chapter of your life will end and soon come to another new chapter. How many people will still be with you from previous chapter and continue to love you and spoil you? Well, loving you not necessarily keep on giving fish to you huh. I hardly have friends that always be with me in all the chapter of my life. Primary school, lower secondary school, high school, A-levels, and my 4 years degree, I have only 2 that from High School that still close friends until now. I'm much blessed. But, still, they weren't always there for me during my 4 years degree, so, do i break down and cry all the time? No, they've moved on, I move on too. That's the truth of life, but it's not hurting at all. Some people wants to stay forever at that particular age and never want to grow up, but what's the point. Can the clock stop ticking? No. i wish, but no. I mean, for me, there're so much out there, and I'm here. Man, life is happening. Can't wait to get drunk and dance all night! (wish that will not come true... haha)

No... we need to learn it ourselves, cause not everyone will be with you all the time.

But.. I'm happy today. Apart from the matter that is troubling me, I've tried to be happy. And.. I did. Lunch was good, except for the journey part. Darren and Tracy had the speaker volumn so loud, that i can feel my heart pump together with the loud music. Sorry lah, I'm already old. can't take it.

I was replying and exchanging SMS-es when Addy did this to me... She doesn't want to study, I don't want her to distract me for a while, so, i let her... and I didn't know, it's such a colourful picture. Later when I went back home, I entered the lift and pressed the button with the coloured hand, I think, the lady in the lift saw it. I quicky hide it. Thanks to you Addy.

If u can see, there's a flower and a shit next to it.
Then a person pee by the river.
With cloud and sun.
And ya, she wrote "Addy was here" up there and bottom "A++".
O_o

And ya, apart from being drawn over my hand and my leg, I have a great time. I showed tracy and addy the green colour bruise on my leg and addy wrote "i was here" next to the bruise. Can't blame her, cause i think she got it from me. She got "i was here" in her note book from me. *wide smile*

Got to stop. Going to out to buy dinner. God Bless, You and Me!

Anson, you're so sweet today. Thanks!

Just update

Another 2 days of classes and we're on break again. Was planning to go back to Sabah for a week, until mom said 'DON'T COME BACK!!!'. Okay, this is the first time mom asked me not to go back. *hmmpf* Air ticket is so expensive now, even the low budget fair cost like 50 bucks cheaper than MAS full fare ticket. Meaning, I'll have to stay till end of the year....

***

A cousin just got married last week. Only a year older than me. hmmm.. that doesn't hint anything okay. I've still got loooooong way to go, explore and explore. *smile*. Parents bumped to the church bishop of Sabah, and been told that he looked for me, offering a job to me.. i was like.. whow. It's good that people appreciate your skills and talent. This was the 2nd time i was offered a job, just this year. I'll just see how...

***

Oh, I tripped down the stairs last Thursday. And it was dramatic. I was holding my files and books, and it flew all over the place. Really dramatic. Luckily no one that i know saw me. Kahkahkah. There's a girl in front of me, and she helped me to pick up the file and books. Asked whether i'm alright, i say yea, and thanks. The bruise didn't appear until today, i can see 3 big green colour bruise with 3 small black purple bruise *blush*. Cannot wear skirt for few days. tracy found out about the bruise and kept taken advantage by pressing on it. It's painful!

***

The cactus that i have at home for almost two years at last rotten and going to die soon. At the bottom, i can see green colour stuff, like fungus around it. Maybe it was because i didn't take care of it while I was away for 3 months back home. It was given by a friend, and reminded of our friendship. Well, when i think of that friend, it didn't bring up much smile or good memories but instead all i remember is quarrel, arguments and all bad memories. Well, can we actually click with everyone? Don't think we can. We quarreled for at least 3 times per week and well, why would i waste my time quarreling, cause for some other reason my life is connected with that friend. Well now, we still remain friend, but don't think can be as close as before, for from beginning, it felt like cactus, everywhere with torns.

***

Been busy editing photos for blog. The whole day today, my brain kept thinking how and which photos to use for my blog. hmm..

don't get tooo involved in these things ah, law essay u need to do strip is it?
i've already finished copying my equity notes.
then??
abuten??
then, i play a while first lorr... :p

Okay, i guess for some reason, i still miss my old job, as junior graphic designer. But ya, i can only take that as an hobby when i'm free, so, while i'm not that free now, i should get back to study.

You guys out there, take care!

ps: scroll down, and see the photos i've just uploaded, on the right column. haha. enjoy!

Together we celebrate III

Why God Made Friends

God made the world with a heart full of love,
Then He looked down from Heaven above,

And saw that we all need a helping hand,
Someone to share with, who'll understand.

He made special people to see us through
The glad times and the sad times, too;

A person on whom we can always depend,
Someone we can call a friend.

God made friends so we'll carry a part
Of His perfect love in all our hearts.

20 years ago, and today, you're 20.
Just entered the world of twenties and no longer a teen.
Often we look back and hope we're still that crying baby who knows nothing.
But, we need not be afraid of being in 20s,
for i know, I have u and u have me.
Happy Birthday girl!
Taking this oppurtunity to say,
It's a blessing to have you in my life.
Being a friend, being a sister.
Just you being there without saying a word makes it all difference,
And you, continue to shine,
cause u ROCKS!
Happy 20th Birthday Yeng!

Trust

Do I dare to hold the Father's hand
Not knowing where this path will end
Believing He can truly see
Through all these haze that's blinding me
Will I really trust the words He says
Though they seem unreal when I look ahead
And will I let Him set me free
From the folly of trying to trust in me

excerpts from Joshua Harris, I kissed Dating Goodbye

How many times we are so bothered thinking about what will happen tomorrow, or a week later, or next month, or what are we going to do in 5 years time. And it seems like we're in a tunnel, dark and nowhere to go, nowhere to run and it's dark. All we can do is keep walking, walking and walking, deep inside our heart, we know there's something there. After thinking and thinking, often we ended up frustrated, or scared or even insecured by not knowing about our future.

Or often that our plan didn't turn out well, or we screw things up after planning it for weeks or months, or sometimes when we put so much effort on it, it didn't turn to just like what we expected. And all this questions of why and why and why keep on coming to you, from yourself and from people around you. And you think that the world is so unfair to you.

I guess, there's no answer to everything. often we wanted to control and decide things base on our own understanding but our ability seems so small. It is small. But, i just know, I've placed my trust in Him, knowing that I'm safe in Him. He is the way, the truth and life. My plan maybe good, but not the best, and I know, He has a greater plan for me. And I will continue, hold on to You.

Something......

Funny
The cafeteria today happen to have big speaker out of nowhere, blasting songs so loud with the DJ that we all have to shout when we talk to each other. Was wondering who is behind all these, songs and all, Mr Lecturer suddenly went and plug out the adapter connected to the speaker and surprisingly, the everyone in the cafeteria cheered and applaused.

Bothering
That horoscope today. I don't know how it make sense but it seems so stuck up in my head this morning. Hmm... but.. not anymore now...

Sweet
It doesn't happen all the time, but, not that it's significant to me. But, was thinking, blessed to have thoughtful friends around.

I thought i don't know, but now i know
why is that, everytime i want to give up, then hope comes? Is it because God is telling me, to hang in there and give hope. But i'm feel like i'm so silly. Give up, almost give up then hope come. i give in hope, then it disappointed me again. Silly me. Is this what life all about, give and take, to hope and get disappointed and most importantly, to love and never give up?

to give thanks
Friendship reconcile.

about me today.
I had 2 bowls of rice for dinner. feel like my stomach is expanding. Can I reach 60Kg by end of the year? Mind you, with my height, 60KG is still within the low BMI level. Am putting effort to go gym at least once a week. And, i didn't do anything productive tonight with studies.

have a nice day. God bless you!

I was there

Went to the Miss Malaysian Indian Global 2006. I didn't know what function I'm attending until i was there. Got the ticket for free, so, i went. Didn't stay till the end, cause throughout the 1 hour and a half there, i slept twice.

sat quite far from behind.. so.. can't really see which one is pretty.. b
ut the spot light is quite annoying, that i have to cover my face when i dozz off...

]
cam whore again, while waiting.....


the couple of the gang.....


me and yeng....

Too bad, i didn't stay till the end, or else.. can take pictures with the chun chiq.. errr... haha.. their dress is nice... *smile*

Keys to My Heart

Today, October 10, 2006

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

March 25, 2006

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Together we celebrate II

Another round of celebration, Birthdays. Adam's on the 4th and Lua's on the 6th. So, we had a lunch together.....

the cake... err... ya.. 2 slices....

From Left: Adam, Lua, Ahkeet and Caleb.

Group photo

Group Photo again...

Many photos to come.... later....

Rant VII

It didn't come out of nowhere. No, I'm not going through PMS. It didn't come out of sudden. It's just you.....

I don't want to be rational. Nor i don't want to think in your shoe what or why are you doing this to me. I'm tired of being considerate and understanding to you, cause I know, you are taking me FOR GRANTED, knowing that I always put other people first in priority, then me, but it's NOT ALL the time.

I'm not asking for your favor, or you to do anything to me. No, I know, you don't owe me anything and i owe u nothing. I'm not counting or remembering the time when you didn't fulfil your promise or how do i define it.... all craps.

Yes, u didn't owe me anything, thus i cannot scold u or hold you with all the promises that u've made. Or i can say, it's not a promise, it's just air coming out from your mouth without the sound of the word uttered. I didn't ask for all this. I don't need you to shower me with your gifts. Or gifts that u claimed u've bought. I don't need you to 'promise' me you'll do this and that to me. No, u don't have to. I don't buy all that. Spending 5 minutes of quality of time with me is better than giving me limited edition of perfume. No, i don't buy that. Not that i'm rich. I earn my own pocket money mind you.

I took you each of your 'soundless air' that came out of your mouth seriously. Not that i'm a materialistic person. I'm just a naive girl, thinking how sweet you are, how nice you are as a friend, giving me all this offers and promises, or should i say, fake promise. or just crap. Maybe you think that i'm so immature or not rational now. Or maybe you're thinking that i'm in the peak of anger that hot air is coming out of my ear. No. I am not. I'm disappointed only, that's all. Cause you turn me down, not once, not twice but many many times.

Now you're being nice to me, cause u need my help. Oh well, I would rather lunch with cha sao bao, or movie with my girl friends, or loiter around with my fella friends. Too bad, cause i'm deeply disappointed by you.

And, I'm giving up on you!

Normal Day

It was just another day, I woke up early for class. Attended class as usual, went 'fishing' in the class, scribbled along when the lecturer was giving out lecture.

It was a good day, apart from the renovation that is going on at apartment next to me, which the sound of the drilll just irritates me and before i get annoyed, i dress up and went out to gym, happily. Well, sometimes, we just can't let circumstances and situations to shape us. After a few years away from home, it comes to a point where, I need to know how to make myself happy and to survive through circumstances, for after all, only we can make ourselves happy. Just like a highway, which we need to use to reach to a destination. Not all highway is perfectly fine, as for sure, there would be holes, defects along the way. We can try to avoid those holes and have a comfortably journey, or just run through it without slowing down and have yourself being bumped along the way and get irritated by it. Same goes to situations in life, we can learn to survive through it, or start scolding/complaining why life isn't the way we wanted it to be. Rather than having circumstances and situations shape our life, we should then learn to shape our own life, cause after all, it's our life.

When things in life doesn't come like what we expected, then we should learn to accept it and to survive through, and most importantly, so that we can be happy.

Maybe that's how i learn to be independant, for not all the time we can get someone that we can trust when you're in a new place. i learn that too, from being a dependant person to an independant one. Whether or not it's emotionally or physically or mentally, no doubt we cannot survive by our own. No man is an island. Everyone need a little bit of encouragement, a pat on the back telling us to hang in there and a hug to share when we're happy or sad. But, when it comes to when we have a problem, and the person that we wanted to talk to is not giving us that attention, we tend to fall even harder. I faced that problem before and still now. It comes to me realise that sometimes, I'm more sad because that person that i'm hoping to give me attention is not there for me, rather than pondering about the problem that i have. but hey, is that supposed to be that way? No i supposed. Why should i rely on that particular person to solve or get rid of my problem. Well, i still remind myself about this, to distinguish why am I really mad/sad, about this matter or about that person doesn't care for me. Well, does it make me an introvert? No, still a very much babbling person that can talk everything about myself, but not exactly a self-centred person that goes talking about me and me and me the whole night, but rather, just a person who can share out my feelings to relevant people. Well, i know, sometimes me being independant annoys people a lot. Am still, a people person.

it was a good day, having to realise that, finally, i no longer ponder about the matter that i've been thinking of for the past 2 weeks. Friend was right, the greatest challenge is myself, not about the matter or the person i'm dealing with, but It's the whole perception that i have while carrying this matter along. And yea, finally, i know, i've get over it. Thanks Friends!

Pictures that i took in Hong Kong.
I don't know which shopping mall i'm in,
cause i've just arrived Hong Kong that night
and I'm still feeling dizzy after the drink at Beijing the night before. *bluek*

The Pict on the Left - It's money donated to the special children in Hong Kong. People make a wish when they throw the money in. Inside can see different kind of currency.
Pict on the Right, I couldn't remember what brand is this, or i didn't take notice. i just see that it's different, having the hippo inside the....